I have two nieces who I love dearly. But I don’t have to live with them, so I love giving them presents that are going to drive my sister crazy
Last year I gave 'em both musical instruments. You ever see a three year old with a drum set ? It’s hilarious as long as you don’t have to live with it.
But it’s a year later now, my two nieces are four and six. It’s about time the monkey arms them. So I got them matching nerf dart revolvers, a nerf bow complete with a quiver of nerf arrows, and a pump action nerf fifle.
And if I know these two little girls, which I do, massive destruction is going to ensue.
It is the profound right as an aunt or uncle to give ridiculously annoying presents. To annoy your brother or sister directly would be immature; have their children annoy them for you.
I asked my sister for gift ideas for her kids. One of the things I was told was that one girl wanted Kill Bill. While shopping Saturday I saw both both volumes for sale for ten bucks each so I bought them. I’ll feel a little strange giving my teenage niece Quentin Tarantino movies for Christmas but I guess it’s an uncle’s privilege to buy questionable gifts.
I would be sure to take them some place special and get them heavily wired on sugar before giving them to them. At least that’s what I did before giving my nephews a small arsenal of assorted rubber band weapons.
Oooh, I’ve been meaning to buy gifts for my nephew specifically designed to torment my brother ever since said nephew was born. But the little guy is only 19 months, I think I might have to wait another year before the drum sets and nerf darts. Damn.
I always make a point of being as flamboyantly liberal and contemptuous of religion as I can manage in front of my niece and nephew. My sister is so relently conservative and religious, that I figure they need to see someone who doesn’t share that world view.
It may have worked in my niece’s case. She’s about to graduate from Syracuse law school and she wants to be a labor attorney. We’ll see – there are more jobs and money in corporate union busting than in union organizing.
My nephew is an alcoholic professional internet gambler, who is even more insanely conservative than my sis.
I once bought my step-sister’s kid this thing where you caught insects outside and put them in this thing that you broght inside and then you could look at the bugs under the microscope.
When our niece was around 5 or 6, my then-college-age husband was babysitting her, and accidentally exposed her to the movie Aliens - she was supposed to be sleeping but sneaked into the room behind him and watched some before he noticed. He tried to tell her this wasn’t a good movie for little girls, it was scary, but she gave him ‘that look’ and patiently explained to him that movies are make-believe and it’s people in costumes and makeup, or models. He figured it should be all right then and sat her next to him to finish watching, and so he could watch her and see how she was doing. Well, she became a fan and asked for Alien action figures - and not Ripley, either. Her Christmas present included a large Alien action figure.
I’ve bought my nieces and (step)nephew drum sets and harmonicas, and I’ve also bought them paint sets and lego that my sister can step on in the night. I also try to foment rebellion as early as I can by telling them stories about her.
This year wasn’t too bad…bought a craft set for my niece, a building set for my nephew, and a My Little Pony for the littlest. Next year, however, my nephew is going to be 14 and I may buy him a ukelele. Maybe a trumpet. Oh, decisions…anything that will make the walls shake would be fabulous.
Monkey while I applaud your behavior, just be warned, I was once a favorite evil uncle such as you. Ten years later, I started having kids. Payback’s quite a bitch.
Oh thanks, y’all are giving me a great idea for loud presents for the niece and nephew to take to the Sister-ex-law’s house. No need to torture my brother-let her have all the fun…
Yesterday my 12 year old, A-honor roll, Band Member, Hockey and Baseball playing nephew asked me for a swiss army knife for christmas.
Two months ago when he saw mine, his mom didn’t even want him handling it. So I don’t think giving him one will go over well. That and when I mentioned that he can’t take it to school or he’d be expelled for having a weapon, he sunk like a stone.
I’m an evil bastard. I don’t think my sister has forgiven me for teaching the little one how to tackle over Thanksgiving. I know the dog hasn’t. “Who’s my little free safety? What sound does a dinosaur make? That’s right, now who’s my little free safety?”
But a Bop-it… man. That’s a line even I won’t cross.
