Fuck you, brother, this is NOT all about YOU

The BBQ Pit
1

So, I posted what I thought was a fun threadto describe how I was handling my brother’s & nephew’s awkward gift requests for Christmas. Just fun, playful, no harm done. In fact, donating money to charity, so it’s win-win. But then my **other **brother, the younger one with the stick up his ass got involved.

He heard about my nephew’s request for “a hooker” for Christmas. If you read the thread above, you know that my solution is to get him a latch hook rug kit. With a latch hook rug tool. A hooker. Get it? Anyway, I went to the other brother’s house for Thanksgiving. Let’s call him Stick-up-his-ass, SUHA. After a really lovely evening with the family he & his wife sit me down to talk about “the situation.” They’re invited for Christmas as is the rest of the family. SUHA asks me when my nephew is going to open his “gift.” Because SUHA wants to make sure that it isn’t done in his presence or in that of his 13-year-old daughter. Because of the implication, you know. We don’t want to get into that discussion with her.

WTF, bro! It’s a JOKE. You DO know what a joke is, right?!? Fuck you! It’s none of your business what I give as a joke. It’s not immoral or illegal. It’s a fucking joke. Get over it! Cripes, that just makes me want to see it opened in front of your and your daughter all the more!

Your daughter is the oddest, most immature 13 year old I’ve ever seen. You took her out of school for reasons unknown, and now you home school her, which has only served to isolate her further and fuck her up even more! She’s fucking 13 years old and cries at the drop of a hat, and you pander to it! She has even fewer social skills than you, if that’s even possible, and she has no friends. It’s no wonder! She spends every day with Mommy, has to ask Mommy if she can wipe her own ass, and even her only hobby is spent 100% with Mommy. You’re raising one fucked up little girl.

And then you have the nerve to ask to bring your dogs for Christmas. I don’t have a problem with your dogs, but if you’re visiting me or our mother, don’t expect us to cater to your every whim. We have cats. That’s right, cats. You know, those cute, furry, purry animals that you USED TO like until you got married? Your wife is a dog-person, so suddenly you forget that you had a sliver of personality once, and you melded with her. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like her, but she’s one person and you’re a completely separate person, which you seem to have forgotten. Anyway, sure, you can bring your dogs. Both Mom & I have nice backyards and garages for them. I know you don’t want to leave them at home because your new “puppy” tears up and chews up everything he can get his teeth on. And you don’t want to pay for a kennel. Well, I don’t fucking want them in MY house to do the same! You had the nerve to ask if your mother & I can keep our cats together so you can keep your dogs at the other one’s house just blocks away. Our cats don’t get along. We might have worked something out, but YOU need to have the fucking dogs with you all the time. You’re staying with our mother and need the dogs there and the cats at my house. But dinner is at my house, so you want me to pack up the two cats (who are at each other’s throats) and all of their shit and shuttle it to Mom’s house so you can bring your dogs with you to dinner. Not in the backyard, not in the garage, but in the house. This is SoCal, bro, they’ll survive outside. Really. And they can chew & tear on anything they find out there! BTW, your house smells like dog. All the time. And everything is covered in dog hair. I do not want the same for my house.

Fuck you, bro. Just stay home for Christmas. I don’t need you. But Mom does, and I’m trying to keep the family peace. We may not have many family holidays together left. Just remember that it’s NOT all about you.

2

I hope you don’t use language like that in front of his darling little GIRL. He’s just a father trying to protect his DAUGHTER and you have to f-word it up, huh? I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, she’ll want to know what the joke is about and then he’ll have to tell her about s-e-x. She’s too young to be hearing about that stuff, OKAY? Studies have shown that nearly ALL perverts were exposed to sex at a young age. What, you want to make her into an atheist or something?

God bless.

3

Your family sounds demented.

4

Ah, the holidays. That special time of year when we celebrate faith and family.

5

Then kill them…

6

Reason number 893,640,533 I cut ties with the family years ago. When strangers try to force their beliefs on me I can tell them to go to hell - family not so much.

And the demands about the dogs and cats are just weird. I live in the dog world as do most of my friends and I’ve never had any of them impose like that. And I’m sure they all think my cat is weird (she is) but none of them have ever demanded I remove her from the house!

7

The short answer to the dog thing is, “No, you can’t bring your dogs. We’re all cat houses here, and dogs aren’t welcome.” as often as it takes for him to get it. He does know that you can’t just bring cats over to other cat houses and expect them to romp and play like dogs, right? All three of my sisters have dogs, and they have never even asked to bring their dogs over - they know what the answer is.

8

It’s your house, and you’re entitled to set your own limits. Your Mom is, of course, entitled to give into your inconsiderate brother if she chooses, but you don’t have to. If he doesn’t like your explanation as to why your cat can’t go to Mom’s house or why the dogs can’t be in your house, he still has to accept them.

Now, as for the prank gift, it’s his kid, and he’s entitled to set whatever limits he wants on her, no matter how stupid they seem. So, whenever he tries to bring his dogs to your house, you just tell him that you respected his boundaries with his kids and house with regards to the gift, and you expect the same respect in return for your house.

And after you’ve told him all this calmly, he will, of course, see reason. Oh, who am I kidding. He’ll throw a tantrum, yell at you for implying that he doesn’t have a right to tell you what gifts to give his kids, and make your mom feel bad. And twenty years from now, when you think it’s all a distant memory, he will get drunk one night and yell at you for hurting his dogs’ feelings twenty years ago.

Ah, good times. Happy holidays.

9

Well, that solves the problem of where to find the “hooker” gift.

10

You’ve got all those pussies lounging about the place and your brother is worried about a hooker???
:confused:

11

Words of wisdom right there, eh.

:stuck_out_tongue:

12

Are you serious about this description? This situation sounds bad, as in get-the-authorities-involved bad.

13

All these assholes we see once or twice a year can put their animals in a kennel! I just spent the last few days kissin ass to my stepson and his wife, and two big dogs that piss and shit all over our guest apartment, then chase our horses around. I am done. Why do dumb women like me get involved with men with F’d up kids with no respect???

14

What, because she’s home-schooled and spends every waking moment with her mother? What exactly are you going to say on the phone with the authorities?

15

What sounded bad was the combination of her complete isolation + her oversensitivity + her lack of social skills + her very controlling, unreasonable, and rigid father. Since I don’t know any of these people, I have no way of knowing whether this is hyperbole about annoying relatives or a description of an abused child. Since I don’t know the people and I’m not an expert, I’m not calling for action or anything, just curious if it’s as bad as it sounds. The OP did say she was 13, so socially awkward and oversensitive isn’t exactly a red flag.

As to what to say on the phone with the authorities, you say you’re concerned about a child, describe your relationship and your reasoning, and ask what the next steps (if any) are.

16

I would assume the authorities are a little more concerned about dealing with the children who are being starved to death and burned with cigarettes, rather than the ones who are being overprotected to the point of neurosis.

17

Do you believe this? Huh? It’s about the size of a cigar…Do I stutter? You see this is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage. See I don’t think that I need to sit here with you fuckin’ dildos anymore!

18

Okay, I DO exaggerate. I don’t think she asks permission to wipe her ass. But she does have to ask permission to play her video games, to eat, and even to speak. It’s probably more her own insecurity than strictness on the part of her parents. But I have to believe that it’s partly because she’s not allowed to make any of her own decisions. I asked her what she dressed up as for Halloween & she had to ask her mother. :rolleyes:

19

Maybe you could just suck it up and drop the joke. If nobody’s laughing, and it’s causing family grief, I mean, really, how important is one somewhat lame gag comeback to you?

Yeah, your bro’s a bit of a dick, I doubt you’re surprised. Mom’s overly understanding, offspring overindulged. All true, I’ve no doubt.

Still, you’re the one person able to make it all go away, and so easily and elegantly, by simply rising above and being a more evolved person.

20

Like I said in the other thread, the perfect response to your nephew’s “joke” about your gift to him is a nice sweater. Maybe something with reindeers.