I’m an idiot–who are you?
Are you an idiot, too?
Then there’s a pair of us–don’t tell!
It’s the Dope round here, you know!
–Kythereia Dickinson
(smooches Inigo It gets better, hon. Most always does. ;))
Sheesh, people. How many times do I have to tell you? You DRINK coffee. Not wear it. Not snort it. Not redecorate the rug. Or the keyboard.
We sold out of the Whiner and Idiot models months ago and we’re now featuring our Worthless Piece of Shit model. It’s not selling very well though and they’ve taken over our operations. We are currently about to file for bankruptcy due to mismanagement and lack of productivity. Pretty soon the Unemployed model is about all that will be available. Unfortunately, it won’t be possible to send the catalog as somebody forgot to send the draft to the printer and our copier is down because everybody claims they’re not responsible for dealing with paper jam.
I hate to say it, but we do have many competitors. 
Are you an American Idiot? You don’t want to be an American Idiot…
You might just end up in a song by Green Day.
The horror!
Ahhh, Now I see where you are mistaken:
The problem was that I did Drink the coffee.
Design problem: [begin.physics.lesson] Coffee going down meets grin coming up.
Spray force governed by air to fuel mixture ratio.
Anything below 5 parts grin/one part coffee are easily contained.
Ratios exceeding 5 to one results in detour through nostrils, however, these are usually able to be contained in the sinuses.
Ratios in excess of 10 to one result in the involuntary redecoration referenced earlier.
[/physics.lesson]
Sorry to hear about the supply problems. There is a lot of that going around. But if you call your cometitors, I think you’ll find that we’re willing to give you a good deal on replacement supplies. In fact, we’ll probably pay you to take 'em … 
Uhhh … competitors …
Is idiocy contagious?
Inigo you need more self confidence,
you’re not An Idiot, you’re The Idiot, you must strive to be the greatest Idiot you can be, to push the boundaries of idiocy to new extremes, to set an example to us all.
FTR, the Ripley people call them odditoriums
Very amusing physics lesson there. I see your point. The same thing would have happened to me while reading your reply had I not quickly spit the coffee out back into my cup before physics got the better of my nasal passages. Snot and coffee generally don’t mix well. However, spit and coffee seems to be marginally palatable with the caveat that it originates from your own factory.
Carry on.
Is there someplace I can sign-up for lessons?
Why, thank you, I believe I will …
Well since this thread was from last June, and was resurrected yesterday by LucyInDisguise, Inigo Montoya might be feeling just fine now.
Wow.
Join SDMB and gain the power of resurrection …
I’m Odd.
make that Owed.
Uhhh … Awed.
Never mind …
Hey, join the club, amigo. I’m an idiot too. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of support for us idiots. I went to a meeting of Idiots Anonymous, I stood up and said “Hi, my name’s Dave and I’m an idiot”, and all the other idiots said “Hi, Bob!”
Hi, Bob!
Actually, no.
Idiot means a NON voter: someone who, having the right to vote, chooses not to exercise it (which would end up making you lose it). So, like all those US citizens who have not registered to vote.