Actually, if my SO were in a situation like that I’d wonder why the fuck she tolerated the very first abuse.
I’m avoiding the tire iron comment. (FWIW, I think a tire iron would be useful here, but it’s got to have no connection to you or your GF.)
Now about the toxic job environment and the rampant violations of OSHA and harassment laws. What say you?
As a 5’1" petite woman in a male dominated field, I have been maliciously belittled and sexually harassed by various people. You can bet your ass I went after each one of them. (Legally. Not with a tire iron.)
There comes a time when you have to stand up and stop putting up with shit - or quit.
No, I’d contribute more to his financial obligations so that he could pursue other options. She might have to take a lower-paying job for a while in order to work her way up, or perhaps work part time while going to school to learn new skills. That’s the sort of thing you could really help each other with. And I’d say exactly the same thing if the genders were reversed: my parents both supported each other through risky career moves at different points, and my own husband is going to quit his job and be a SAHD when this baby is born.
Would you (or any other Doper who’s done the same) be willing to start a thread telling us about your experience fighting harassment via the legal system? I don’t know how much you can talk about it (legal constraints and all) but if you can, I think a lot of us could benefit knowing how the process goes and how it all worked out for you in the end.
(Including the OP’s girlfriend.)
I get what you’re saying. It’s always frustrating when you can’t fight a loved one’s battles for them.
I don’t really want to get too much into it for privacy reasons. I will say document, document, document.
Remember that HR is not your friend - N/A in the case of the OP’s girlfriend - but if you have documentation, they can’t weasel as much. Maybe I’ve just had bad experiences with HR, but in my case, they actively tried to protect the guy because admitting that this guy had all these complaints against him would “make the company look bad”.
Just standing up to some people will make them stop. My two biggest offenders (each with multiple complaints from other women) got the big guns - in one case an EEO complaint as well as HR. They were both in positions of power, and it ended poorly for both of them.
BTW, I just want to add that I am one of the least vindictive people you’d ever meet. I put up with a lot of shit before I finally said “enough”. It can be an ugly, degrading process and I really wish I could have avoided it.
No, it’s true. I know what you mean.
But I think what people here are saying is that it’s not a question here of physically standing up for her. It’s a question of standing up for her standing up for herself. You can encourage her and support her and work out with her ways to help her – if she is habitually bad at interviewing and short-selling herself, maybe she needs to take a class in public speaking, or maybe she needs to practice interviewing and negotiating with you playing the employer part. (I mentioned in a thread a couple weeks ago that my husband is helping me with my presentation skills, the lack of which have been holding me back at work.) And as Manda JO pointed out, you can certainly work out with her ways to ease the financial burden so that she has a little more flexibility in finding work.
You may indeed have read threads of people standing up for their spouses, etc. At the bar, on the street, at family functions. But not going into their place of business to do so. Are you serious?
Sounds like the boss has a better handle on who she really is, (a shy mouse too timid to do other than just keep taking whatever he dishes out), than you do.
You really want to help her? Buy her a damn fan for her office!
Then, take a great big bite of reality. She’s not going to change her nature and become a strong willed, stand up for herself, kind of gal, just because you think she’s got it in her.
She’s taking this crap and it’s making her sick, so sick she’s on meds, but she keeps going into work and is afraid to book a day off. This is a life lesson she has to learn on her own, you can’t help her, truly. It’s all on her.
You really do teach people how to treat you, and her boss has learned well. He’ll keep dishing it out as long as she’s willing to suck it up, I predict.
No fat pay cheque is worth your health. Some of us know that intuitively, and some have to learn it the hard way.
In many states, OSHA has an anonymous tip line. I had to look into this recently, because my jackass former boss was in blatant violation on several counts.
In post 33, I gave OSHA’s national anonymous tip line. And I linked to their web site which has a page for online complaint reports. Heck, if AF was willing to PM around sufficient details, probably half the people in this thread would follow the link and report the company.
I’d still like to know if she turns the fan on when he leaves early for the bar.
Ah. Missed that. In any case, let OSHA know and I’m sure that they’ll make an entirely random, routine check.
I don’t believe she does, since one of her coworkers would tell on her.
And, seeing as she’s the only person making a fuss about this before, he’ll still know it’s her. People praise these anonymous lines so much, but those never work when you are the only one who cares.
The only reason she should consider it is because she knows she’s going to be fired soon anyways. Not because she erroneously believes he won’t know it was her.
In my opinion, stuff like this is best saved for when you are about to quit or be fired.
As for the tireiron comment: anyone who’s SO wouldn’t feel that way needs to get out of the relationship. That’s what love is: wanting to make sure the person you love is not hurt.
I feel for you, Argent Towers. I had a girlfriend once who was in a similar situation, stuck it out for almost a year working for an abusive boss. It may be difficult, but importance of securing a better employment situation can’t be emphasized enough, this job can’t be more important than your girlfriend’s health.
It’s Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot Agent Foxtrot
Ooops. Sorry. I was feeling AF’s username pain and my brain broke.
I know… but I just couldn’t resist.
Poor Argent Foxtrot :D.
If the girlfriend has problems because of this which has to be treated. With the American system of insurance and copay, wouldn’t it be saving money if her health got better but she had a lower paying job or even unemployment?
Even if the money argument doesn’t work, her continued mental health is worth more than owning a car.
If she can manage to be fired in a way that make her eligible for unemployment, she should do so as soon as possible.
So…her coworkers are all okay with working in unbearable heat?