I am heartbroken (I just fired my cleaning lady)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

She had been with us for almost four years. My daughter adores her, even more so than most of the rest of my family. I trusted her completely, I even left her our keys sometimes.

Last Wednesday my husband discovered some money was missing from his wallet. We have the custom (perhaps wrong) to take money from each other and not tell about it. It’s not a big deal, it’s never been a problem between us, but that means it is sometimes hard to keep track of our cash. I noticed months ago that it appears as if I was missing some petty cash here and there, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt, that’s the right thing to do. I only told my husband, and did myself, that we should be careful not to leave our handbag/wallet in plain sight. It did not stop the missing petty cash completely, but I still gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Wednesday my husband only went to the ATM to get money and walked our daughter two blocks to daycare. Later that evening he asked me if I had taken money from his wallet. I hadn’t. It was only us three plus my 2yo daughter in the house. Barring a seemingly fantastic scenario there is no other explanation. I told her I would not need her the rest of the week while I figured what to do.

I have agonized over this. She *needs *her job. She has two kids, who have a deadbeat for a father. I am a mom, I ache for her kids but I can’t trust her anymore, and I can’t stand to see her. I have thought of every possible scenario why this would happen, but there is no other explanation. Either the money vaporized, or she took it.

I just told her I would not need her any more and not to come tomorrow. I will send her belongings (an umbrella), and despite her owing me money I will give her a bit of extra money.

I feel betrayed, and torn. Despite what sounded a cold conversation she has no way of knowing how hard it’s been for me to fire her.

I have the feeling most people don’t take pleasure in firing their employees.

2

Any chance that she was there without you and your SO, and one of her kids or a boyfriend stopped by. Is it conceivable someone she let in took it?

3

I was here all day (I work from home, my office is behind the kitchen). Nobody was here but us.

4

Did you bring this up directly with her? It’s unclear in the OP. How did she respond? If you did not bring it up directly, how is she responding to being let go?

RuffLlama’s former nanny (he goes to preschool now) is now our housekeeper, though she only comes by every other week or so. We adore her, as does our son, so I can imagine your heartbreak.

5

Did you confront her about the missing cash?

6

When I was younger, my parents had a cleaning lady. We LOVED her. If it was raining, or we were late, she would give my brother and I a ride to school. Her brother-in-law, who was becoming a minister, was hard up for some cash, so she let him come along to jobs with her.

Since we lived very close to the border, my parents had a drawer in their bedroom with some American cash in it, in case the mood struck for some cross border shopping and dining hit. Anyway, it started going missing, and my dad just assumed that my mom and I had taken some, and gone over. When the amounts of missing cash started to total up, he brought it up, and we said no, it wasn’t us. So he wrote down the serial numbers on all the bills. The Sunday that our cleaning lady and her BIL came, my dad and I went out for lunch, and when we returned they were gone. Sure enough, so were some more bills.

My dad finds out what house she’s cleaning next, GOES OVER THERE, and confronts the BIL. Asks him to open his wallet, show him his cash. The BIL claimed it was his, and my dad says, ‘Can you explain to me how I have the serial numbers of your bills written down?? What are the chances of that??’ Oh, PS, did I mention that my dad is a cop? And can be super intimidating???

We kept our cleaning lady, because she had no idea what was going on, and was absolutely devastated, but he was no longer allowed in our house, and our cleaning lady had to call all of her other clients and let them know what BIL had been up to. He didn’t press charges out of respect for our cleaning lady.

It sucks that you’ve had such a huge violation of your trust, most importantly in your own house. You shouldn’t feel bad about your decision, because you’ve obviously done the right thing to protect yourself and your family. Besides, if she started to think she was getting away with it, I’m sure the stealing would escalate, to larger amounts, or even things of value around your house she thinks you wouldn’t miss. The BIL started to steal larger amounts from us.

7

The kindest thing would be to be honest with her and tell her why you’re firing her. Even if she really, really needs the money, she is stealing and the next client might not be such a sucker by simply letting her go.

8

I did not. I am sure it would have gone as “you did”, “no, I didn’t”. I thought of putting a camera somewhere and try to catch it, but it might never happen (catching it on camera).

When I told her I didn’t need her any more she asked “is it because I missed Friday”, I told her “I told you not to come on Friday, and you *know *the reason I am letting you go”. She didn’t sound surprised, she just said “OK”.

9

You could have implied that someone saw her take the money, or something, and watched her reaction.

My daughter told me about an interesting experience she had at school. One of the boys was rather handsy, to the point that he touched the side of her breast during class. I made an irate phone call to the school, and my daughter walked in and told the dean what happened.

The dean gave her one of these :dubious: looks and said, “Ivygirl, no one saw it happen.” My daughter stuck to her guns, and they brought the boy in. The boy at first denied it, then the dean gave him one of the looks again, and said, “Handsy boy, two other kids saw you do it.” At which point he stammered and stuttered and backpedaled furiously.

I found that an intriguing technique. Imply no one saw the touching to make sure the girl sticks to her guns, then imply to the boy that he was seen doing it so he can’t like his way out of it. I don’t think that would work with hardened criminals, but it sure worked on a couple of 14 year old kids.

10

That seems a little creepy and manipulative of both your daughter and the boy, though. Did anyone else see it, for the record?

11

I don’t see it as creepy. If somebody had seen it, there would have been no reason to tell that to the girl. And it’s not like the teacher would have stood up in front of the class and said, “Did anybody see Handy touch Lassy’s boobie?”, in any case.

The kid did something he shouldn’t have done. A little bit of manipulation seems fair, in order to “force” a confession.

12

Yeah, I know, but what if he hadn’t done it? Saying “people saw you do it” would make me feel nervous and freaked out, even if I hadn’t done it. In this case, I’m sure ivylass’s daughter isn’t lying, but hypothetically, it just skeeves me.

13

They do that all the time on Law & Order - usually with kids or people who seem a little naive.

14

Yep, the cops can tell any lie they want in the interrogation room.