You are correct. Your failure to volunteer doesn’t even make the top ten reasons why you are a bad mother! 
I tried to volunteer a couple of times when my kids were in grade school. Both times they assigned me some pointless “make-work” chore. Got the impression that despite their oft-repeated requests for parental involvement, they really were happier if parents didn’t show up.
I wish you would all do that.
I rather think of kids the way I think of vaginas- my own is okay- great, even- but I don’t really want anything to do with anybody else’s.
Yeah, that is exactly what UncleRojelio said. Are you projecting?
I honestly can’t find a problem with what UncleRojelio really said. If you want your kids to have the opportunity to do extra activities at school, then help out; otherwise don’t worry about it. He made no judgement call. What is there to object to in that?
And the issue is rarely getting volunteers to show up for the St. Patrick’s day party. Usually there are plenty of parents to do the fun stuff like parties. reading to the class, etc. The shortage is the boring stuff: helping in the copy center, the library, class breakouts, etc.
Someone tells you you’re a mad mutha, you tell them to shut their mouth.
The pressure to work school events if great and they certainly make you feel like a bad parent for not giving ALL of your time to the school. The other volunteers, the ones with no need for a job, are the worst by far. We all know that volunteer work is a good thing. But thank you for piling on.
Which kinda sorta proves the “elitist snob” thing, doesn’t it? 'Cuz, with the sentiment expressed above, it’s all about the parents…right?
You feel pressured to volunteer at your school? Everyone does: the stay-at-home parents and the working parents alike. There is always an element of pressure in getting volunteers for anything. It doesn’t matter if it is helping at school, coaching a kid’s team, setting up a party at work, helping out at a charity. Very few people like to donate their time or money and thus pressure is always involved. But if you are making a value judgement about yourself because you cannot or will not volunteer, then that is really your issue.
If you want your children to participate or benefit from the work that the current volunteers are doing, then you really need to chip in – either time or money.
And keep in mind that not every stay-at-home parent is doing it because they don’t ‘need a job’. Many are making a sacrifice.
Eh, I got off the crazy that was this roller coaster when I went to grad school. Now that I work 2 jobs (both PT) and my youngest is in middle school, the pressure is gone (and thank god). The LAST thing our middle school wants inside its walls is a parent. They are unbelievable unfriendly there. I hate that school–the teachers are fine–it’s the administration I can’t stand.
I very clearly remember those days of when I was a SAHM and got sucked into the weird world of school parent volunteers. Some of these people are not normal, folks, they’re like Martha Stewart on crack. Very scary.
I was the Picture Lady (art volunteer, bringing art to the classroom) for a year or so. I was a co-room mom. Hell, I was a Brownie Leader–which killed my doing anything ever again, but that’s another story for another day. I have helped at holiday parties, brought treats in for birthdays, come to Parent Day, read Dr Seuss aloud to celebrate Dr Seuss week etc.
IMO, the volunteers who run the volunteer programs want worker bees, not people. Their way or the highway mentality. I didn’t care for that.
Schools most definitely need volunteers and I value their work. I just don’t want to be a part of their insanity. Not doing it does not make you a bad mother.
If not volunteering at school is not a bad thing, then volunteering at school shouldn’t be a bad thing either!
It doesn’t make me elitist that I was part of the PTA and able to organize and run a science fair at my kids’ school for seven years. Or that we started an art fair through National PTA. When I stopped being able to do it, I passed it along to someone else. And never felt guilty about it that either.
I’m not in love with other people’s kids either, but I wanted to make sure that my kids had a school where these opportunities were available. Having my kids surrounded by happy engaged students helps my kids too. These were thankless jobs mind you- I had parents yelling at me because they didn’t like the goodies we gave to each kid who participated or what have you.
So does that make me an elitist snob because I volunteered and even occasionally called some other parents up to ask them to help?
Gee, I hope not.
Of course not.
Assuming this is at least partially in response to my post, you seem to have missed the point. Please re-read the posts again…after doing so, if it’s still not clear, I’ll elaborate.
That’s just bizarre. Simply being a parent isn’t enough?
I’m not good with kids, so I don’t volunteer unless they sound really desperate for people. I do buy classroom supplies and donate money.
My older son is in middle school now, and it has been a pleasant change. Like **eleanorigby **says, they don’t seem to want parents in the building at all. The only fund raiser I’ve seen from the middle school is for the band.
I’m the president of my school’s PTA. I plan movie nights, spring carnivals, teacher appreciation breakfasts, and the Valentine’s Day dance. Most of these events are fund raisers to buy things for the school. Last year we bought a large shade structure for the playground (really important since we live in Tucson). The year before that we put in some landscaping in front of the school to make it look nicer, be more inviting, and also to provide shade.
I’m a stay-at-home mom of 4 kids, so I think I should use some of my free time to help out the school that benefits the kids in so many ways.
But I never volunteer in the classroom. I get too impatient and I can’t quite understand why these ignorant Kindergarteners can’t read. I’m like, “What’s the deal? Are you like, 5 years old???” And they’re all like, “Yes, I’m 5.” and I’m like “Lame excuse.” So I stay out of the classroom. I can organize a festival for 500, but I stay away from all those 5 years olds!
Heh heh, you just wait. On the first day of high school summer band, you march in there and tell them that you want to volunteer to be a pit parent. LOL.
(I’d never worked so hard while having so much fun.)
I’m a stay-at-home mom and I don’t volunteer in the school because a) I have my younger child with me and they don’t allow them to accompany you and b) I don’t feel like it. I can think of nothing worse than doing lunch duty in an elementary school (those are the volunteers they’re always begging for at my son’s school).
I do send stuff in for all their little activities. Time to plant a garden? I went to the nursery and bought a bunch of the requested plants. Having a party? I’ll send in food or plates or whatever. I will say, though, that I think all the “fun” things they do are a bit ridiculous. It seems that a week doesn’t go by without some sort of festival or celebration, and frequently parents are expected to come in in the middle of the day to listen to poems being recited or share pie with their 1st grader. The kids have fun, but it really sucks for the families with two working parents. Someone either has to take off work or their kid is one of the few without a parent there. Once or twice a year might be workable for most people, but it’s like once a month that something is going on. My second son is going to be SOL, because I’m going back to work when he starts kindergarten. I guess he’ll be the sad little kid sitting by himself while the other kids share pie with their moms.
My wife’s mother volunteered too much. She was always a chaperon on field trips, even big ones like to Florida and Washington D.C. It robbed mrs.gnu of being able to experience new things without her mother being there, and her memories now are skewed by her mom’s presence. It didn’t help that her mother is the type that always needs to be the focus of attention.
My partner does, what I consider, the “family’s share of volunteering”. His hours accomodate going to school during operating hours and offering tutoring assistance on the current class work at an individual/small group level.
And while I know that it would be ignored by more parents than it is now, I wish they would stop sending home the fundraiser crap. I don’t care that it’s “the best coffee” and the fact that we have two students at that school means that we have twice the unnecessary paper load to shuffle through to find the homework. (Don’t get me started on the ridiculous amount of homework a 10 year old has. It’s currently 1.5-2 hours a night. This isn’t Japan. Knock it off.)
I work long stinkin’ hours and I can’t just take off for volunteer stuff. I make sure my daughter does her homework and I showed up at the plays, honor roll and junior honor society stuff. I did a couple of career days. If they want more from me, they can show up at my work and help me out. 
More importantly, I have crappy social skills and zero patience. I honestly don’t fit in with many of the PTA types. When I do volunteer work, it’s outdoor work in parks. I’ve noticed that all the geeks do this kind of volunteer work. I can handle them.
garygnu’s wife’s mother notwithstanding, you all realize that your little darlings will grow up at an astounding rate be gone before you know it right? Spend as much time involved in their activities as you possibly can now.
(I don’t mean to bring anyone down, my oldest is off to college in the fall.)