Huh?
I’m wondering what this image of PTA types is all about. Elitest snobs, Martha Stewart, etc etc??? My kids elem school had all types of people who helped in all types of ways: some volunteered in classrooms, some weeded the vegetable patch with the kids, some checked on the garden over the summer, some ran parties, some volunteered on curriculum re-evaluation etc.
I enjoyed my time volunteering and worked with some nice folks. No one I knew judged people who didn’t help, or helped in less visible ways. I guess I’m just taken a back st some of the negativity toward those who could and chose to help. We did it to make things a little better, not to lord it over other people.
At some schools, the PTA/O’s seem to be run by cracked out Martha Stewart types that get off on having a little pet organization they can run. At other schools, the teachers or administration are more heavily involved and nip that shit in the bud, and there’s everything in between.
It’s entirely possible that a few people have had great experiences collaborating with other parent volunteers while some have been burned out by the crazy control freaks.
IvoryTowerDenizen, you are not a socially elitist snob unless you live in my town, which I doubt. Our school system seems to only want people who have money to have anything to do with the PTA or volunteering. The head of our PTA goes to our church, and I’ve quit trying to make any kind of small talk to her. Every time I do, she ignores me and walks away.
The only non-volunteers I ever saw disparaged were the ones who signed up to sell pizza from 5 to 6 and then didn’t show up. Or the ones who said the would donate cookies for the bake sale and then didn’t.
But as for other non-volunteers, I never have heard a single nasty thing said about them. Some are working 2 jobs, some have new-borns to look after, some spend their time volunteering in other ways.
For the first several years I had kids in public school I didn’t volunteer at all ever. I had 4 small children and it took all my energy just dealing with them. Then once the youngest hit pre-school I started doing a few things. Taking a shift selling popcorn on movie night or going along on a field trip. Then I amped it up a little more. I was the room parent and was in charge of the soda booth at the Spring Fling. Then it got amped up a little more and I was the PTA secretary and was in charge of the Silent Auction. This year it’s probably at its peak, being PTA president and doing 100 kinds of everything.
Next year I will probably stop doing school volunteering altogether, just for a break. Maybe I’ll help sew costumes for my daughter’s ballet school. Or be an umpire for my son’s basketball team. Or raise money for the Boy’s Chorus. Or maybe I’ll just do a bit of nothing for awhile.
Some of the more involved moms do have a certain Martha-Stewart-on-meth quality, and it’s hard to see that and not feel like there’s pressure to do a ton of work as well. Luckily we don’t have any snootiness that I’ve noticed.
The other thing is, whenever I feel inadequate compared to these superwomen, I remind myself that the kid they have in my kid’s class is probably their youngest. I’ve got a two year old who’s a full time job in herself.
Right on! I don’t do that either. If they want money to send my kids on a trip or something I’ll give it to them, but I’m not going to sell overpriced crap to my friends and family.
It doesn’t seem like one could reasonably expect to meet people who are well balanced and normal or good at managing other volunteers. I mean, managing people well is a skill that requires experience and the type of person who has time to be the head busy-body volunteer is most likely to be a stay at home mom who doesn’t even have much/any work experience, let alone management experience. Even someone with no management experience but who at least works all day with a manager and with coworkers could probably get along with other volunteers better. Except of course, if they have time to volunteer at all they don’t have time to be the queen bee bossing everyone else around.
Can you imagine that a woman who spends all her time at home with her children wouldn’t be exceptional at effectively managing the activities of adults? Shocking!
You do realize that there are plenty of folks who were at one time successful professionals who are Stay at Home Parents, yes?
Not only that, but my school is full of parent volunteers who hold down full time jobs. Our PTO chair is one. My daughter’s best friend’s mother is another - she is in the classroom three times a week. The chess club coach is there in the mornings once a week, then goes into work to be there at 9am that day where she is a chemical engineer. Not all jobs are flexible enough to allow you to be at school to volunteer during the day, but some are, and not all volunteer activities are during the day. Our school carnival is staffed by working moms.
I run a Girl Scout troop. Most of the troop leaders are working moms.
AND, there are plenty of professional stay at home moms who have never held a paying career type job, and yet are bright, motivated, charismatic individuals who are great assets to the school.
No one should feel guilty because they can’t volunteer. But don’t dis the volunteers as a bunch of brainless parents who only volunteer to break up their soap opera watching and bon-bon eating
Yes. I also quit church (women’s group) committees when 2 women got into a HUGE fight over whether the napkins for some autumn event should be (I kid you not) “goldenrod” or “butterscotch”. I just don’t have that kind of time.
I think school volunteers are great. I enjoyed SOME of the volunteering that I did. I was happy to help, not just my kids, but all the kids. But I couldn’t stand the over-the-top nonsense from the “professional volunteers” aka heads of PTO committees etc. Some of the ones I dealt with should have been running Fortune 500 companies–I think they were seriously frustrated by their lack of scope. Which is not to say I think schools should get second class volunteers, just that it ain’t rocket science and doesn’t need to be handled like someone’s life depends on the color of the napkins or <insert picayune nonsense here>. Obviously, Y*MMV.
*General you.
Who’s dissing SAHMs or parents as bon-bon eaters who are clueless about managing people? Not me. I don’t see that here at all. I see people frustrated by the pressure put on them to volunteer and if they do volunteer, to do so at someone else’s arbitrary standards. That’s the part I disliked and got out of as quickly as I could.
Hmmm…I guess IvoryDenizenTower wasn’t the only one. First, I should disclaim: I don’t have kids. Don’t want 'em and neither does the wife. To be honest, the only reason I open threads like this is as a reminder of some things that I’m decidedly not missing.
OK then, with that said, we start with Juliana:
While not a member of the PTA, she has “begged to help”, yet they don’t call her. In her view of her school’s PTA, this is – at least to a large extent – because the PTA is comprised of “rich, elitist snobs”. Even if her judgment is incorrect, and even though it’s clearly not universally applicable to all PTAs, it is an entirely plausible situation. So, let’s assume her judgment is accurate for her district. The rebuttal:
So, the kids don’t factor into DiosaBellissima’s response – rather, eschewing Juliana’s help is justified because members of that PTA don’t like her (or, at the very least, have gleaned that she doesn’t particularly like them).*
But the fact of the matter is that the important part of volunteering for school functions – y’know, helping the kids – should have little to do with what the parents think of one another. Taking Juliana’s characterization of her PTA members as accurate, the idea that they’re “hip to what [she] really thinks of them” doesn’t justify not calling her; in fact, it reinforces the notion that they’re “elitist snobs” and it’s all about them. Which is basically what I said.
Fer fuck’s sake – who are the adults in these situations?
By my reading, I don’t see anyone expressing negativity in this thread towards those who help. And truly, with no snark or sarcasm, you and all those who volunteer should be lauded for your efforts. I’ll note that my point is exactly an extension of that – those who want to volunteer for school functions should be welcomed and honored, while differences and ill-feelings among the adults should be put aside.
*I should note that I’m simply criticizing this one particular post…DiosaBellissima, you may very well skirt sainthood in every other aspect of your life – but that post was a terrible response.
Fuzzy Dunlop was dissing stay at home moms as incapable of managing others.
I read those posts as sarcasm directed at those here (me among them) daring to want a different volunteer experience or to be left alone entirely. IOW, “dissing” us for wanting a more positive volunteer experience for all concerned. Frankly, if a mom can manage her kids without people skills, she’s not a mom I want my kids (or hers!) around.
My experience was much like the OPs–bitchy, competitive women who wanted to control all aspects of the volunteer force under their command. I still enjoyed some of it, but I can understand the OP’s frustration and resentment. 99% of the women (and it was 99% women) who were volunteers had college degrees and careers prior to becoming SAHMs. For some, they were overqualified for the position of “Collector of the Campbell Soup Labels” or they took it way too seriously. Or both.
These were a sampling of the responses I read just prior to making my first post. As someone who worked full time and chose to be PTA vice president and chair a lot of activities, frankly it stung.
Were each of these posters directly saying that volunteers are bad people? No. But taken together, plus additional sentiments posted later, one can imagine where I got the impression that some people felt that the volunteers were the problem.
I’m all done with this hijack. To answer the OP: of course you are not a bad mother for not volunteering. We each make choices based on things going on in our own lives that no one else is privy to or gets to judge the value of. I am sorry that anyone makes any parent who is doing their best to raise nice, good kids feel bad. No snarkiness at all.
I can deal with the cracked-out Martha Stewart types and the super-duper organizers and all that. That’s just how these women are, and while I wish they’d get lives that didn’t revolve so much around their children, it’s their lives, not mine.
What pisses me off is the reluctance to change or accept any suggestion from anyone who isn’t in the Inner Circle. Last year, during the planning of the fund raisers, the same suggestions came up. Pizza, candy, cookie dough, and so forth. For the most part, the suggestions were high-fat junk food. This is only significant because the focus for the kids is supposed to be on fitness, and how important it is to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I pointed out that high-fat, high-calorie junk food is inconsistent with that focus, and that there are fundraisers that are either consistent with a fitness message (like a walkathon), or don’t involve selling food. I didn’t get a response, and later, I heard that the PTO dismissed my point out of hand because the food sales always raised a lot of money. So I guess it’s OK to teach kids to be a hypocrite as long as their heart is in the right place. :rolleyes:
Another parent suggested that all of the district’s PTOs work together to develop a fundraising calendar so that no one is selling the same stuff at the same time. You’d think fundraising plans were national secrets! They wouldn’t even consider trying this once to see if it worked. “They do their thing, we do ours” was the excuse. The same parent suggested a “buyout” option so that the kids of parents who didn’t want to sell stuff could still participate in the post-campaign parties. No dice. Kids have to sell, period.
And they wonder why parents don’t want to get involved with the PTO.
[QUOTE=Digital Stimulus;12206098
*I should note that I’m simply criticizing this one particular post…DiosaBellissima, you may very well skirt sainthood in every other aspect of your life – but that post was a terrible response.[/QUOTE]
So, you’re honestly saying that if you were charge of some volunteer group or activity and a volunteer was hostile toward each and every other member of the group, you’d continue to call them for help?
Forgive me. I understand that we’re looking to help the kids here (I’m a teacher/ debate coach part time, I know how important parental support is), but if one particular parent is causing problems for everyone else, it’s usually easier to remove that one person then to make everyone else suffer.
My point was simply that maybe her attitude is a little more transparent to them than she thinks. If everyone is put off or even hurt by the position that she holds, then maybe it’s easier for the other parents- who get along- to pick up the slack because she’s not there.
I checked out this thread based on the title because I have some similar feelings as the OP: It just amazes me AND my husband, how many things at our kid’s school parents are expected to show up for - DURING NORMAL WORK HOURS.
When we were kids, hardly any moms worked, and kids all went to school right near their house. Nowadays more than half the families have 2 working parents, and horrible commutes, and more people shuttle kids to some other school instead of their neighborhood school (Not just private school - you can apply your kid to any school in the county if you don’t like the one near your house), Yet now that it’s harder to get there, they expect us to come to the school for all sorts of little events.
Of course I know the reason is that schools nowadays are being squeezed and must beg for parents to help close the gaps. It’s a shame but that’s no reason to feel obligated if it is not for you. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about saying no!
OTOH - what I can NOT relate to, is those who have posted how they like their OWN kids but don’t like OTHER PEOPLE’S kids. I may get flamed for saying this, but I find that disturbing. I think you are doing your own kid a disservice with that attitude.
I bet, on average, those people are better at being in charge of the other volunteer parents.
I was dissing some stay at home moms as incapable of managing others. I didn’t say no stay at home mom is good at it. I said it doesn’t strike me as a population one could expect to perform highly in that regard.