I’m sure this guy has been the target of racisim before, and that is a sad thing.
Still, it sounds like you’ve made a good effort to be friendly to him and his wife. For him to just throw it back in your face like that was incredibly rude.
I think you should continue to be friendly with this guy and his wife. But if he brings it up or accuses you of being racist again, definitely challenge him on it.
If for no other reason than to maintain good neighbor relations, I can see SpasticKitty’s (and others’ above) point to try one more time to be nice. Fighting with neighbors would be a horrible thing.
I think we’ve all made at least one mistake or said something stupid that we regretted later. We wouldn’t want to be judged solely on that one incident. I say give the guy a chance to prove who he is one way or the other.
Maybe he has been mistreated terribly and is used to stuff like that, and he was just bitter.
Have a word with him, tell him you arent racists etc, and that you dont appreciate being called ‘white girl’.
I am at a loss to understand the colossal double standard here. If dragongirl were black and was writing about some comparable race-related rudeness from an angry white guy, the resulting yells and screams of indignation would bust the server.
Yet this way round it’s blanket assumptions of mitigating circumstance and pleas for tolerance all round, and - most incredibly - someone even suggests that anyone who isn’t black shouldn’t judge!
Why is tolerating anti-social behaviour a virtue?
And even if it is, why does it only work one way when race is involved? Even if this man’s life is a living hell of daily racial abuse that is still NO EXCUSE for him to take his anger and frustration out on anyone completely uninvolved in that.
It’s the OPer’s responsibility to call him on it. Silence will most likely be mistaken for guilt and he’ll feel right about having said what he said. Since you are friends with his wife, just mention it to her and let her chew his ear off when he gets home. I reckon she’d have plenty to say.
“Oh, I didn’t think a white girl like you wanted to be seen waving to me.”
“It’s a shame that you think that”
Phil Berquist: Where are you from?
Ben Jessup: Baltimore. We have a dental practice there.
Mitch Robbins: Really, you’re both dentists?
Steve Jessup: Yes! We’re black AND we’re dentists. Let’s not make an issue out of it.
Ben Jessup: Eh, they’re not making an issue of it. You’re making an issue of it.
Talk about weird timing. Just as I was reading quotes from City Slickers :).
I think Reuben has a point. If the situation were reversed in terms of melatonin content, we wouldn’t be specualting about the white man’s motives would we?
Does anybody honestly think that many posters would say “Well geez, give the guy a pass this time, maybe he has had bad experieces with blacks before.”
The guy was rude. End of story. dragongirls decicion on future interactions with him should not be dependent on the mans’ race. Whether she chooses to “call him on it”, or chooses to ignore him, or chooses to “give him another chance” should not be dependent on the race of either individual.
Thank you, Reuben, for saying best what I was trying to say. Especially this:
Explain his behavior? Yes. Excuse it? Never.
Um, Silentgoldfish, do you often sit around reading City Slickers quotes? 
What monstro said.
I think the guy was being a jerk.
He may have his reasons, but then again, most rude people have their reasons for being rude.
He was out of order, but I don’t think you should let that incident interfere with your good behaviour. Maybe mention it to his wife - in the nicest of fashions?
dragongirl:
Deadly is right. Try to avoid fighting with neighbors. You’ll end up being ostacized by him for this, and by the other other neighbors for initially being their friends.
Ignore his comments, even if only for that reason. However, don’t let this slide and allow him to think you can be intimidated and accused regularly. If he displays this attitude again, call him on it. You’ll do more for race relations with some tolerance laced with frankness.
Guin and Reuben are both correct. He could have been less chippy, and if color were reversed, it would have been inexcusable. But for every one lapse of his, he may have endured ten insults, as EasyPhil points out.
I don’t mean to come off as a bleeding heart here, but people of both races in this country, have to work at this if it’s going to get any better. People spouting platitudes and practising the patronizing form of political correctness, aren’t winning the battle. It’s in the day-to-day encounters.
“Oh, I didn’t think a white girl like you wanted to be seen waving to me.”
“Well, I couldn’t see you because of the glare on the windshield. This white girl waves at all her friends.”
(This is just me, but I try to cool off situations with humor.)
IMO, the guy was a jerk. If he communicates with his wife at all, he should know that you’ve been a friend to her, and have no prejudices towards them because of their skin color.
Now, if we can just work on that attitude towards “white trash assholes with Harley Davidsons”…
Inside the house - where no one can see.
I guess I pity the guy because he’s probably been in situations before where people are nice to him, when the neighbors aren’t watching. When in public, it becomes “it’s not me, but other people have problems with it, you understand.” And enough of that and a person might become suspicious. Which doesn’t excuse his rudeness, but it might explain it.
Whether you let it slide or not, I wouldn’t make a big deal about it
Inside the house - where no one can see.
I guess I pity the guy because he’s probably been in situations before where people are nice to him, when the neighbors aren’t watching. When in public, it becomes “it’s not me, but other people have problems with it, you understand.” And enough of that and a person might become suspicious. Which doesn’t excuse his rudeness, but it might explain it.
Let it slide or not, but I wouldn’t make a big deal over either decision.
I am amazed at the back-history some in this thread are creating for this guy.
Well one thing, unfortunately, that you can take for granted, is that the odds are that a black person and especially a black male has experienced multiple racially motivated slights in their life especially if 30 years old or older.
I’m not trying to make excuses for what the guy said, because this was a mistake in interpretation on his part.
Black people are allowed to be anti-social assholes. I work with plenty of black contractors. Some are impolite jerks and some are nice. Interestingly the jerks really hate it if they perceive someone (especially a woman) is making even the tinest effort to be extra fair/nice/solicitous to them and would (according to them) much prefer the white person’s real straight up fear/loathing/contempt be right out in the open so they can “deal with it” and “keep it real”. This assumes that almost all whites, are at root, inherently racist despite their best intentions and desires to be non-discriminatory and progressive in their attitudes.
It’s a somewhat crappy and self defeating attitude (IMO) but given what some people might have gone through in their lives it might be a less exhausting social coping strategy than walking on eggshells while trying to parse out implicit yet intangible racism from the real thing straight up on the rocks. FWIW the black contractors who can play the game and make nice are usually far more successful over time than the 'keeping it real" guys. Even if they feel the same way, it’s usually best to take niceness when you can and simply get the job done. Success (IMO) is always the best revenge in the end if you want to kick whitey in the ass as you drive your Lexus into the garage of your $ 500,000 home while the “keeping it real” guy is mowing your lawn.
To this I must cry bullshit. This idea that you can’t criticize someone’s behavior if you haven’t “walked a mile in their shoes” is utterly incorrect and ridiculous. The man described in the OP is a total dick, and sounds more than a bit paranoid to boot.