I am not a rich person, Mr. Homeless Man!

Really? Because I’d become homeless for a handjob.

But they’re so delicious!

One thing about giant sentient squids is that they can give eight (or is it six, I can never remember) hand jobs at the same time. What ever you do, don’t let a squid give you a blow job. They have these sharp beaks.


You’re SO not hanging out at the right places…

Why? Are you handless? Sounds like a do-it-yourself project, to me.

If we’re gonna rip people for not handing out money to the homeless, why don’t we rip people for not sending every spare cent to some third world country where kids are starving to death? The money goes alot farther there. I know! Instead of any of us paying $4.95 for subscription, we can give it all to the homeless! Than they can buy burger and beer for a night.


But would you become handless for a homejob?

Aye! There’s the rub!

Well, that IS what he’s looking for, after all…

I used to have the same problem walking down Guadalupe Street in Austin.

A decade or so ago, it was a favorite hangout for UT students… and, therefore, naturally, for homeless people, many of whom, as far as I could tell, pretty much lived off the college students.

I once made a point of counting the number of people who bugged me for a cigarette and/or spare change, as I walked from Martin Luther King down to the plasma donation center. If I had given each asker a cigarette and/or a dollar, I would have given away an entire pack of cigarettes and seventeen bucks.

Of the twenty-four people who asked me for something (yes, some wanted both a smoke and some money), nearly all of them gave me a dirty look when I said “no,” and three insulted me. A fourth actually went so far as to take me to task for my lack of human feelings. I tried explaining to him that if I had handed over something to every jerk who asked me for something BEFORE I GOT TO HIM, I would have had no cigarettes or lunch money for myself, but he didn’t want to hear that, and cut me off cold. I finally walked away when it became clear that only one of us had the right to speak about anything, and he shouted at me for quite a distance for being such a jerk to him…

Since then, I’ve had a bit of an attitude about the homeless. Be homeless if you have to, and panhandle if you want, but stay the hell away from ME, bud.

Oh, yeah, and I quit smoking a decade ago… man, why is it that nearly all poor homeless people smoke? Expensive habit these days, but they all managed to acquire it, somehow…

My guess is: because it’s addicting, and they had the habit prior to becoming bums.

oops forgot to just cut out what I was responding to.

The ones that get ME are the ones that come up to me whilst I am sitting at a bus stop with my 2 small kids.

Picture this… 300 pound woman in sweats sitting on a bench with a cane propped against her leg. 2 kids under the age of 4 in various modes of assault upon said woman. Homeless guy walks up and says “hey woman gimmee some money”

I usually laugh at the offending person and say “If I had some money do you HONESTLY think I’d be dragging these kids with me on the bus or do you think I’d be putting them in day care? Figure it out asshole.” :rolleyes:

9 times out of ten the walk away mumbling to themselves.

If the bastards were even a LITTLE polite I MIGHT give them 50 cents for a phone call if I had it!! :mad:

What gets me is walking down the street in Austin and having 15 different kids, all with freshly dyed blue hair and 12 piercings, ask for cash. I’d say that if you can spend $10 on a bottle of blue hair dye and probably at least $30 apiece on piercings, you don’t really need my money.

What really irritated me, though, was when my sister was in the ICU after her car accident. They didn’t even know at that point if she was going to live or not, and on a couple of occasions, I met up with the same couple in the parking lot, asking for money. The first time, their daughter had just had twins and they were from out of town and their car broke down, etc. etc.
I don’t carry cash, and told them so, and was mildly harassed for not helping. So I went in and told security. I think it’s really shitty to harass people who are coming to a hospital to see a loved one who is in there for legit reasons with a story about a fake daughter to try to get sympathy. I’d have maybe assumed they weren’t lying, except that I saw them a couple of times and the story was always different. Plus, i tend to not believe people who come up with the “I need money for gas/new tires/car part/bus ticket.” story, because I’ve heard it 50,000 times.

Oh fuck off you righteous bitch. WHERE THE FUCK DID I SAY I WAS PAYING TO POST? Nowhere, that’s right!

He must have been one of the newer models.

But did you have fifty cent for the bus?

“It’s a handjob, not a handout.”

They can usually find work in anime doing tentacle rape, so they’re rarely homeless. :smiley:

There is a guy near in my neighborhood who always plays the race card. Once he asked me if I had something against negroes because I ignored him. If I’d had any change I’d have thrown it at his head.

How 'bout when they have tons of tattoos too… on their faces. Or when they have dogs. Being constantly totally broke myself, I get so pissed with the downwardly mobile kids in my neighborhood who ask for change or cigarettes when they have hundreds of dollars worth of skin art and a pet. Then when I actually give up a cigarette I get made fun of after saying to the other two “do y’all want one too?” for using the word y’all. I’d rather give cash to the homeless drunk guys, and I always give money to David, the guy covered with other people’s signatures. But those who think that they’re cool can go fuck their giant stretched-out earlobes.