As my life continues, I constantly find that none of my thoughts, feelings, or actions are unique. Somebody has already thought, felt, or done whatever I’m attempting and usually they’ve done a much better job than I have. This leaves me with a sever empty feeling that apart from continuing life on this earth (which millions of people are attempting each second), I have very little point in existing.
I’ve thought of books to write only to have found books with the same or very similar plot. For instance, when I was a teenager, I was very fond of the Three Investigators series. I decided that I wanted to write one and it would be about Jupiter Jone’s near twin. A few days later after I started writing, I read The Deadly Double and found out that it had already been done. Although, I must admit that it has been said that there are only 44 (44!) different fundemental plots at all (movie, play, book, whatever), so it may be hard to be unique in that field.
In poetry, it may be easy to be unique. However, after my attempts, I came to the realization that it’s everybody’s way of trying to be unique and therefore defeats the purpose.
More recently, I was travelling down to see my brother and on the way (two hour trip), I had this great idea for a new product. I get to his house and happen to read the newspaper, which just happens to have a review of the exact product I had just thought up (I’m not going to tell you since I still might enter the fray).
These are not isolated incidents. Every argument I’ve thought up on my own late nights while waiting to fall asleep, I’ve found or heard at a later date… often finding that the argument had been around for a long time and I just had never heard it. It has gotten to the point of severe frustration.
I’ve tested at a 145 IQ level officially, and higher on unofficial tests (of course). According to my friend, this level gives me the ability to have at least a basic grasp of most fundamental ideas and also the ability to learn about whatever I want pretty well (not that I’m a Pretender… you need at least a 180 IQ for that). But what is the point if all I’m ever going to do is walk in the footsteps of other people? I can stand on the shoulders of giants, but other giants have already stood there.
As I’m growning older (I’m only 26), I’m finding more and more that that is what I want to accomplish with my life: I want to do something unique.
The only thing I can figure out that I’m doing that is truely unique is that I am making a specific girl very happy (she also does the same for me). Nobody else can say that they make her happy. Sometimes this is enough for me to be content. Other times, sadly, it isn’t.
My greatest fear right now… is that someone has already posted this message.
Skott