I am now the mother of a teenager

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

God help me.

Mini-Marli, Sr. turned 13 yesterday (the day after I turned 29 again, incidentally). “What do you want for your birthday?” I asked him.

“Can I get my ear pierced?” he said.

Since I am a cool mom, as well as a mom who is usually operating on less than 5 hours of sleep, I figured what the hell? So we trucked on down to Wally World, I signed the little piece of paper assuring the store I would not hold them responsible in case of death or dismemberment, and the deed was done. Sunny Jim now has a kewl new hole in his head.

“Dad’s gonna kill me,” he said on the way back. He sounded both delighted and apprehensive.

“I’ll deal with your father,” I said. So when we got home I grabbed the phone and dialed up the Dink (not his real name, and not one I use within hearing of the young’un, but I find it curiously apt).

“Are you picking up the boy next weekend?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I was planning on it,” Dink said.

“Okay. He’s a little worried about coming down.”

“Why?”

“He’s afraid you’re going to yank his new earring out of his ear.”

Pause.

“I don’t approve of that,” he said.

“It’s his ear.”

“My dad’s not going to like it, either,” he persisted.

“Hey, remember when we were kids and everybody wore those big clunky earrings with skulls and snakes and stuff?” (It was the 80s. We were headbangers. We outgrew it.)

“I didn’t approve of it then, either.” (True, he’s never had his ear pierced. He wore a clip-on.)

“Well, that’s what he wanted for his birthday so that’s what I got him.”

Dink sighed. “I won’t say anything to him.”

“Good.”

“Dad’s really not going to like it, though.”

Whatever.

So in a single day I went from being the proud owner of a pre-adolescent little boy to being the keeper of a pierced teenager who is already talking about having another hole added once this one heals up. On less than 5 hours of sleep.

How’s your day been?

2

Well, at least you can feel good about giving your kid what he really wanted! Congrats!

3

I can see why he’s your ex. With all the problem teenagers in the world, he’s worried about your son having an earring?? Sheesh.

4

You are a cool mom! I say let them choose their own styles unless it is something that does permanent damage (like toe removal).

If your ex is still concerned about what his father will say, he never quite grew up, did he? It’s cool that you decided to handle it with his father rather than putting mini-Marli in the middle.

Now, hang on! You are in for quite a rollarcoaster ride!

(~Z~ Proud grandmother of the bluehaired teenagers)

5

That is so cool. My mother hits the roof whenever I get anything pierced. Or dyed.

Happy birthday to Mini-Marli!

6

Happy Birthday mini-Marli, and welcome, Mom, to my world.
I’ve got one son who left his teens, and one in the beginning stages.
Our experience with body modification has been mild.
So far neither one has ever wanted to pierce anything, though
we did do the blue hair thing once.
I really think tongue studs are kinda silly, but the only thing that I would truly have a problem with is tattoos. They are awfully permanent.
But compared to the other stuff parents of teens have to worry about, such as school, drug experimentation, and driving, even tattoos start to look okay.
I hope it’s a couple years down the road before you get one of those 1am phone calls.

7

Well, to be fair to the Dink he didn’t actually know who his father was until about a year ago, so he’s got this whole male-bonding/acceptance ball of worms going on. He’s always been a bit uptight, though we generally get along pretty well. I’ve known him since I was 13.

Now that I mention it, I don’t think MY father, Rednecky McRedneck, is going to be all that thrilled either, but oh well.

I’m really not too concerned about what the boy has pierced or dyed, as long as he behaves himself. I’ll just take lots of pictures so in 10 years or so when he brings home the Love of his Life I can whip out the photo album and watch him turn red.

I can handle piercings. It’s the thought of teaching him how to drive in a couple of years that’s giving me cold sweats.

8

Welcome to the weird world of parenting teens! Mine is going to be 14 in February, so I’ve only recently adjusted to this sort of thing myself. While I am a Cooler Mom than some, I keep one foot firmly on the Dork Side. We are allowing as many piercings as she wants, as long as they’re all in her ears. Fortunately for us, she’s totally repelled at the idea of piercing anything else. Temporary tattoos are just fine, ditto for henna tattoos, and since I’m somewhat artistic, I’ll even draw 'em on her. Hair dye and crappy teenager clothing choices fall into the category of “battles not worth fighting” with a few restrictions: clothing worn for formal occasions must not have rips, tears, or safety pins, must not expose anything her grandpa wouldn’t want to see, and if we’re going to have insane candy-colored hair, clothing worn for formal occasions must coordinate with it.

Since she must be 18 to get tattooed without our permission, that’s an argument that’s easy to win. The WryGuy has extended this to: she will not be tattooed as long as she lives under our roof. We’ll see what happens when she turns 18.

9

UvulaDaughter has a strict dress code at school, but at home I pretty much let her dress as she pleases (currently, what pleases is Goth.)

Over the summer she had her hair dyed bright blue. One of our neighbors, the mother to two teen daughters of her own, took me aside and said, “I can’t believe you allowed that.”

What BS. She’s a good kid and a decent student, and I’m gonna argue with her about hair and clothes? Thanks, but I pick my fights a hell of a lot more carefully than that.

10

You guys are so cool.
Happy Birthday mini-Marli.

Now I am relly bummed we didn’t get to meet at the KC Zoo dopefest Marlitharn.

Earrings can be removed. Hair can be dyed back. Safety pins can be removed. Clothes can be changed, often times the whole style that I may not like changes in a matter of a few years. These are things I refuse to fight with my kids ( step kids ) about There are much bigger battles to fight.

11

I pierced my ear way back when - Dad thought it meant I was gay. LOL.

Now as a responsible adult, I find I frown on the whole piercing thing. One in the ear doesn’t seem bad, but all those other ones just don’t look good.

Sigh, I guess I’ve gotten old.

12

Sounds like Mini-Marli is due for an SDMB membership. Bet you can’t wait for the split tongue and screw on metal spikes fad to take hold with him.

That’s cool that you let him get what he wanted for his birthday. You let him express himself the way he wants (whether it be following a fad or doing his own thing).

I figure if my kids want to dress up as clowns, heck I’ll buy them the big shoes and red rubber noses. That’s the way they want the world to see them.

13

He doesn’t approve. What a panzy.

14

Wow, I wish my mom had been that understanding. She did let me get my belly button pierced (reluctantly, but she allowed it.) I can’t wait til my brother’s a teenager. He’ll look awesome with big brown eyes, olive skin…and acid green hair.

15

Welcome to the wonderful world of teenagers, Marlitharn! Piercings, tattooes… been there, done that. The truth is that they’ll do it anyway, so you might as well make sure it’s hygienic. My mother, who wept over my appearance when I was a teenager, just beams at my daughter and says “That looks lovely, darling”. As others have said, there are more important battles to be fought. I’ll live with the self-decoration, but I’m not ready to be a grandmother yet!

16

Wow. You rock as a parent, Marlitharn.

In fact, your coolness has inspired me. I, this afternoon, after school, did something I have been wanting to. I dyed my hair. Just highlights. They’re blue and purple, and I think they look really good.

My parents aren’t nearly as cool as some of you guys. :frowning: They’re not very happy with me.

17

Good on you, Marlitharn, for letting your son have his ear done. As others have said, they can always be removed (earrings, I mean - not your son !:smiley: )

My teenage daughter came home from the City with her right nostril pierced the other week (with my prior permission, of course). I was extremely unsure about it, but to be totally honest, it really suits her! The stud that she has in her nose is smaller than the head of a pin, so it’s extremely subtle and really can only be seen when the light catches it.

Let your son go with the ear-ring. It’s all a part of experimentation and growing up!:smiley:

18

Ear piercing, okay. Other piercings…well, as long as they can be allowed to close up without making disfiguring scars, and are hygienic…Green hair in a weird style, fine, as long as school dress codes aren’t violated.

Tattoes, no, not until they’re mature enough to make a permanent decision of that nature.

19

My son is 8 now and I always figured that I’d let him do whatever he wants to his appearance.

The strange thing, is that I can handle him piercing, dying whatever.

WHAT IF, though, WHAT IF he starts wearing a damn visor backwards?? WHAT IF he starts shopping at A&F or wears Wrangler jeans with a big belt buckle and cowboy hat? I’ll just die. I can’t stand the thought of him being some KC suburban boring teenager. I want him to be a rebellious dork, like me.

20

Thanks for the good thoughts, guys! I feel like I have no earthly idea what the hell I’m doing with him half the time; I was barely 17 when he came along, and it was just the two of us until the boy was 9, when I married the Marlihubby. The things the boy does sometimes baffle me; my husband has to constantly reassure me that he’s perfectly normal.

Not to hijack my own thread or anything, but my stepfather Crapferbrains jumped my case because we pierced the “wrong” ear and now the kids at school are going to give Sunny Jim a hard time. Apparently we’ve violated the Ancient Mystic Code of Gay Accessorizing by putting the earring in the right ear (Left is right and Right is wrong, and all that; have I mentioned my stepfather is a raving moron?). Last time I heard this particular piece of crap mentioned was when I was in high school; now I would put it in the same category as sex bracelets and soda can tabs.

“What’s the rule?” I asked my son.
“Pawpaw has no idea what he’s talking about,” quoth the boy from memory.
“Good boy,” I said. “Go doctor your ear.”

Ninjachick, blue and purple happen to be two of my favorite colors. I too had blue streaks in my hair at one point. They matched my eyes. :smiley:

ouisey, should your son decide to go the Rodeo chic route, be comforted by the fact that he’d still be rebelling. He’ll cunningly be using conformity to society to rebel against you. Tricksy little hobbitses, ain’t they?

By the time I manage to get my son safely through his teens, my daughter will just be entering them. I’m hoping by then the big baggy clothes from the 80s will be back in style; I don’t care how the kids choose to express themselves with their clothing, hair, and jewelry, but I do require that they be decently covered.