I am ready to take this chick outside and beat her down as I type this

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m a law student. I’m starting finals this week. I’m a little stressed out. I live in an apartment complex with tens of hundreds (or so it seems) little screaming children. I took time off work just so I could study for finals. I live right down the street from school. Yay! Won’t this be convienent?

Because it’s near impossible to study in my apartment with all the screaming little banshees outside, I go to the library at school. Public libraries tend to fill up with people not there to study, understandably. But a law school library in finals week? Now we’re talkin’!

You’d think.

Now, our library is pretty small. The quiet study room is basically a big conference room.

So here I am, plugging away at practice exams in the glorified conference room with two other people (not together with them, they just happen to be in here) and in comes Ms. Loudmouth.

From the moment she flounced in here in her little halter top and shorts she has not shut the everloving fuck up for more than 2 minutes at a time. Apparently, she knows the guys in here. I’ve sent about 500 Death Glares her way to no avail. She’ll see me, look apologetic for about 2 seconds the her big ol black hole of a yap starts flappin’ again!

There’s a group study room right next door. There’s a cafeteria right down the hall. This is the only quiet place in this entire god forsaken school that a person can study in peace and Ms. Yappy McYapperson won’t shut the fuck up!

I actually said something about 10 minutes ago. When another one in their crew came in and they stopped even whispering and started talking in regular voices one of them saw the Death Ray I was shooting and apologized.

I was very nice. Just said “guys, seriously, there’s the group study room *and *the cafeteria” they just glanced at me and kinda shut up. Well, all of them except for Ms. McYapperson. Who I am about to yank out of her seat by the hair and bash into the nearest wall.

What the fuck? Is it that much to fucking ask that the QUIET STUDY ROOM in a goddamn law school library during finals week actually be QUIET?

Sweet christ, thank god there are no sharp objects nearby. I’m likely to lose my shit up in here. :mad:

2

No offense, but your mistake was waiting 10 minutes. You lose credibility that way. Speak up straightaway, get it resolved. Better for your own heart, too - and your studying efficiency.

Good luck on the exams!

3

CD player and headphones, dude.

4

Tell her again, keep telling her. If not, I suppose you could go talk to whoever to get her booted out, or even quicker you could threaten to break her jaw.

Hmmmm since you’re a lawyer, you could sue her. :stuck_out_tongue:

5

Go get a librarian and have them boot her out.

6

I was going to say go tattle, but lirogue said it nicer than me.

Go apeshit on her ass. Can you mutter something about cyanide, anthrax, and little fucktards with no consideration for others?

And good luck on the exams!

Ava

7

Sadly, I wouldn’t do this, as you might end up in Gitmo.

8

She’s gone! Yay!

Funny thing, she went out to go to the bathroom or something and the 4 guys that were in here all at once let out a big sigh.

I said “oh, so I’m not the only one”, I get the reponse “you don’t have class with her”.

Thank goodness for small favors.

So, at least no one thinks I was being a militant bitch or anything, at least.

And I couldn’t really go to the librarian, as I think he’s in class with her too. I believe they’re all 3rd years. At least the librarian is. And this is a really small school, starting shit with people can come back to bite you in the ass and at the time, I thought all the other third years in here were cool with it.

Yes, I admit it, I’m a lowly first year scared of the big bad third years. :frowning:

Seriously though, I don’t know how the hell she even made it this far. How does your brain work when your mouth never stops flapping??

9

Glad that things worked out ok. Have fun studying.

10

Ah, lezlers! Your predicament struck a chord of memory which sent me on an hour-long search through old threads. Persistence was rewarded and I was able to find the below post by yersinia pestis in which she parodys Homer:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=93610]

Now Florescentia of the flickering beams scattered her rays over all those seated below
At the wooden tables, ranked in long rows, and circled about by chairs,
As when a shining bronze platter of dip is set forth for the hungry,
With celery and earth-growing carrots and other crudités clustered around,
Even so were the tables ringed with four-legged chairs.
Now when Yersinia sat studying there with her many-paged books piled high about her,
One rose up talking, his blabbing mouth open and foolish counsel spewing forth
At great volume, like the shrieking of gulls about the black ships on the shore.
Then bitter rancor rose up in the breast of Yersinia, daughter of Robert.
Whispering her challenge, her wingéd words sped to the foolish oaf,
“Tightly-gagged Silence reigns in these chambers, O gull-voiced chatterer.”
She cast her well-sharpened pencil and it sped true to its target,
Striking the open-mouthed one in the throat so the bright blood sprang forth.
And the talker fell to the earth, and his armor clattered thunderously about him.

Maybe you should leave the leave the sharp pencils at home? :wink:

11

It’s a good thing you didn’t go all medieval on this chick.

Save that for the kids back home.

12

Her constant yammering drowns out the telepathic transmissions she’s receiving from everyone around her.

Yes, you were looking at the Curse of the Telepaths™ right then. Pity her. And FEAR her! For she can drive herself to madness with a silver spoon. Imagine what her yammering would sound like then!

13

Black hole of a mouth? Light can’t even escape those things so how the hell does sound? :dubious:

14

Alex, I’ll take ‘Questions I’d Like to Ask President Bush’ for $200, please.

[/hijack]

15

Our law library is big enough that the main floor is normally chaotic, bu t around the carrels you can get quiet.

And there are advantages to being a sad old man as a law student - I go to the undergraduate library, and the students seem to think I must be some kind of faculty member, and hush immediately when I snarl.

3L’s in the law library??? I’m seeing if I can avoid it for the whole of next year.

16

Well, it is finals week. That damn library is rapidly becoming my second home. I’m thinking of getting my mail forwarded there. And this is a night program so Ms. McYapperson was there a couple hours before her final to “study” (again, the question of how the hell she could study with her incessant yammering rises once again).

Miller, I have more than enough rage to go around. :wink:

And I am going to find Ms. McYapperson’s mailbox (yes, we all have individual mailboxes, I wasn’t kidding when I said this was a really small school!) and place John Carter of Mars’s fabulous poem in there. You know, just for shits and giggles.

17

Silly human. The sound emits from the accretion disk of stupidity surrounding said Yap of Utter Blackness.

18

Bad idea. I mean, it’s a good idea, but some humorless clod is going to see that bit at the end and think, “Death threat!” Then they’ll get the police involved, and that’s bad. See?

19

Yeah, I figured. Wishful thinking and all that…

20

Four words. Spoken with projection, at command pitch: “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Works a treat.