In Ontario in the 60s and 70s, most of my public and high schools were seven hours (9-4) per day for five days per week. One private elementary school was eight hours (8:30-4:30) per day for six days per week.
Wow.
I maybe had two hours of homework, tops, in my entire four years of high school.
Mind you, I was not a model student, but I was cunning and crafty with my assignments.
Speaking from the vantage point of a recent college graduate (I’m 22), I think the amount of homework Isabelle’s son is receiving is probably due to the increased competition (and increasing standards) for entry into decent colleges (which seems to drive a lot of high school agendas). I went to a great private school with top-knotch teachers, and I was incredibly lucky to have them. They rarely gave out any busy-work at all; in fact, my honors calculus teacher structured her course like a college class and didn’t assign any homework at all, merely “suggested problem sets” (well, there were a couple of projects over the semester, but no required ‘normal’ homework). Needless to say, most of us ended up doing the problem sets anyway, as there were bi-weekly tests and the problem sets were the best way to study. And the point of this is, even though there was no required homework for the course, we (the people I studied with) still spent 5-7 hours per week outside of class on just this one course! The lack of required homework allowed us to be more flexible with how we scheduled it (usually split it into 2-3 sessions per week), but nevertheless, we did only what we thought was necessary to do well, and it turned out to be about one hour a day for just honors calc. Multiply this by 5-6 equally difficult courses, and you’ve got yourself quite a load! Of course, not all our courses required this much time, and I think I averaged about 4 hours per night, almost none of it useless busy-work.
Now, was this level of work worth it? It depends on how you look at it. They prepared me very well for the SAT II’s and AP’s, on which I did pretty well in (entered college with 6 advance credits). They also probably helped me get into a couple of great schools (and rejected still at plenty of others ;)). Most kids who wound up at my university did take a lot of those advanced courses and did take some APs; you’d put yourself at a major competitive disadvantage if you didn’t. And more importantly, I was better prepared for the college workload than some of my peers. I’m talking about those that breezed through high school (the ones that succeeded in large part due to natural intelligence); they were unprepared for the college onslaught and were miserable their first year (my roommate was one of those… he always would dread the studying/reading/work to be done and have it hanging over him until he did it at the last minute… it was a masochistic ritual). Those of us who were used to it ended up having a lot more free time (as we didn’t drag the work out), and it made college much more enjoyable.
But the downside, of course, is that you miss out on the fun of being a teenager. My social life in high school was essentially non-existent, as I was also involved in sports and music. It basically consisted of hanging out with my close friends whenever we could find time. There were definitely plenty of opportunities to really expand my social net, make new friends, etc., but most of those were passed up, because I simply didn’t have the time, and I regret that. However, things drastically improved in college, so I can’t say I was too disappointed.
The upshot? I think I should have been a little more balanced as a high schooler. Perhaps I overdid it on the academics. But most of the work was valuable, both in learning the concepts and in learning how to read and write and manage myself efficiently. If I were to do things over, I may have dropped an advanced course or two that I was not really that interested in, and let myself have just a little more freedom to be a teenager. But as it stands now, the competition for entry into the top colleges keeps getting better and better; if this is a major goal for you, the advanced courses and the 4+ hours of work each night that come with them are probably necessary. If you are unlucky enough to have a bad teacher that assigns a lot of busy-work on top of the work you need to do to learn stuff, then that is just unfortunate.
Anyway, I hope this long-winded rambling helped somewhat.
Isabelle, I know you have the best intentions for your son at heart, so I say stop helping your 10th grade honors student with his homework. After 6th grade, I never even conceived of asking my parents for help with my homework. The only times I did ask for help was for the odd problem when I took honors chemistry–my dad’s a polymer scientist, and chemistry was my hardest subject. But every night for all subjects?! For math and science classes, your son should be looking to the textbook. They are usually great for providing clear and varied examples. He can always ask the teacher in class the next day or during one of the teacher’s off-periods if he is really having trouble.
In high school, I also took several honors and AP tests. Yeah, I had a lot of homework. Adding to the fact that school started at 7:05am, I didn’t get much sleep at night. I expected this before I took the honors classes (English and science every year, plus honors geography, AP American history and AP calculus). I resented it some in high school, but what I really resented were the fluff homework assignments handed out by the non-honors teachers. Those were the classes where I was going to get the worksheets and other timewasters, whicle my honors homework made me feel like I was actually doing something worthwhile and made me feel like I was learning. I’m in college now, and I adamantly believe that I am more prepared than many of my classmates because of my honors classes and accompanying homework.
Also, it’s your son’s fault he doesn’t tell you till the day before that he has a project due, not the teacher’s. I used to be that way but, boy, when I got to high school, I reformed pretty quickly.
So, this kid gets home at 4:30, has a snack and does chores (which probably takes 30-45 minutes altogether), has dinner (which probably takes another 30 minutes), and works until 8:30 or so. So he’s an hour or more eating and doing chores, then roughly 3 or so studying and whining. Based on your description of the whining, I’d say he’s putting in less than 2 hours a night actually working and studying, which is pretty standard for a sophomore in Honors classes.
When I was in high school, our teachers tried to budget about half to three-quarters of the class period to lecture, and the remainder to work on assignments. I used that time to bust my ass, while others chose to use that time to run their mouths with their friends. Most of the time, I had very little to get done at home, while they moaned and groaned and bitched about the amount of stuff they had to do at night. I was, quite frankly, very lacking in sympathy. What I didn’t finish in class, I often did while waiting for Mom to pick me up from practice, or on the bus, or before homeroom when everyone else was busy socializing.
This is what the load is in the Honors program. You bust your ass to get ready for the ass-busting you’ll do in college. That’s not going to change. Your son has three options: he can shut up and do the work and do well, he can not do the work and do poorly, or he can get out of the Honors classes. Well, I guess he can also continue on as he is and you can continue to bitch here about how unfair the educational system is to your poor little baby, but I don’t think that’s productive to anybody.
Your son, like his older brother, sounds in desperate need of a good swift kick in the ass. You live in a city with a public transport system. Tell him Mom’s Taxi Service is only available when it’s convenient for YOU. He needs to go to the library today? There’s the bus, buddy. He needs something typed up? He can do that while he’s at the library, or he can take the bus to the home a friend with a computer. He needs stuff from Walmart or Office Depot for a project right now? He can take the bus.
Incidentally, isn’t this brilliant child the one you’re scared won’t pass two years of introductory foreign language?
Yes. This is true. Maybe I am not giving him enough credit. The reason I am worried is because his heart is NOT into learning a new language. I just see that is a very big hurdle to try and leap to.
He works really hard in school and gets A’s and B’s now. I should have more faith in him that he will not let me down and fail a foreign language. I am a worry wort. My fault.
My 17 year old needs a kick in the ass no doubt!
The 15 yr old…welll…I have reservations.
I know I cater to the boys much to much. I try and compensate for a lot of things. Probably it is hurting them more then helping. But it is something I am working on in family counseling.
Isabelle, when it comes to the last minute projects due the next day, please, do me and the administrative assistants who are to come after me a huge favor, and tell your son, “No. You should have told me sooner.” One of the harder parts of being a parent is teaching your children that actions have consequences, and irresponsible actions have unpleasant consequences. I’ve spent too much time scrambling because someone else neglected they needed something until the last minute or, in some cases, until after the last minute. Especially since extra credit’s involved, your son needs to learn that part of earning that extra credit is budgeting the appropriate amount of time for it, including allowing for the time others (you) will need to spend. If you don’t do this, some time in the future, someone in the sort of job I have might well wind up saying, “He’s going there when?!” and trying desperately to make book flights which have been sold out for weeks.
CJ
I got shitloads of busy work for homework in high school and junior high. All it did was make me hate math, drop out of the tennis team, and gave me quite a few nights with extremely little sleep because I didn’t want to quit drama club because of stupid homework. I used to regularly come home from school, start homework after a half-hour break, have dinner, and finish homework around 9 or 10 then go straight to bed.
And no, it didn’t help me to be prepared for college at all.
I don’t think my high school homework helped me prepare for college much at all. It was mostly busywork, stuff they had to assign since the parents had complained. If you really want to simulate the workload in college, assign massive amounts of reading and huge papers and screw the worksheets and stuff.
Random thoughts:
Does he have study halls in school? Any down time, or is it work, work, work, from 6:45 AM (or whatever) to quarter to three? If there is, or there’s the possibility of seeing a teacher after school, you might say something like: “Did you work on this in study hall?” as the first thing when he’s complaining about the work taking too much time. Or, if he’s struggling with the material, “Did you talk to the teacher about the trouble you were having? What did she say?..Oh, you didn’t?–well, you set up an appointment to talk to her, right? When will that be?” Message: you’re the one in charge, not me.
When he has last-minute bigtinme projects he didn’t tell you about…you can say with as kind a smile as you can manage: “I’m sorry, babe, but I just won’t be able to take you to the store/whatever this evening. Hey, have you ever heard this line: ‘A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine’…? Yes, you’re right, it’s kind of obnoxious, that’s why I didn’t actually SAY it to you, but that’s the scoop right now…Next time, how early do you think you should let me know about having to go to the store? Yes, a week (three days, a day and a half) sounds reasonable…How will you remember to tell me early enough?” And so on.
Is he deeply invested in taking these honors classes? If so, try an occasional well-placed “Sounds like this course is very hard for you, sweetie. Remember, if this is too hard, you can always drop the class,” said on your way out of the room when the complaint or the need for help gets too draining for you. It’s not meant to be a threat, but it swimply reflects reality–and it may be helpful in setting boundaries.
Another line to try is, “Hmm! That seems like a real problem for you! I wonder…What can YOU do about that? Who could YOU talk to about the workload? Who could YOU approach about that part you don’t understand?” Again, giving responsibility where responsibility is due.
Good for you, though, for trying, and for knowing that there are things you need to be working on. That is so much of the battle…and it’s so important. Lotsa luck.