Oops, that should have been “Keep us updated”… I am not turning into a zombie just because I’ve slept with my CD on at a low volume for the last couple of nights, at least! (for the record, I’m trying to dispel grim thoughts and such: it works some of the time)
It’s either the sleep thing, or I type too fast and forget to proofread… you choose.
I’m completely surprised that this thread is so popular. When I started it I thought that nobody would reply to it. I figured it would be a good chance for me to let off a little steam, and that it would quickly sink to the bottom of the Pit.
Turns out, it’s one of my most popular threads ever. If I had known that complaining about my roommates would contribute to the longevity and popularity of my threads, I would have begun doing so long ago. Maybe I’ll squeeze in a dig at my roommates in all my threads from now on.
(Future GQ idea: “What’s the best way to remove Spaghetti-O’s from the wall?” Future GD idea: “Should my roommates have been aborted?” Future IMHO idea: “Who’s your (least) favorite roommate of mine?” Future MPSIMS idea: … well, like this thread, only slightly more polite.)
News From the Front
(No need for the radio-tower on globe thingy, but you’ll need to imagine the following being scrolled up the screen like the opening of the Star Wars movies, if you want the full effect.)
A New Hope: It is a period of civil war. Rebel forces, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil ROOMMATE EMPIRE. During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans about the Empire’s secret weapon, FACTOR X. Pursued by the Empire’s sinister agents, BlackKnight races home, custodian of the stolen plans that can save him and restore order to the apartment …
Not only has it been fully confirmed by my spies that the sole purpose of the meeting was to bitch at me, they have also managed to discover the identity of the mysterious Factor X.
I knew that the Evil Roommate Empire would never expect a direct attack upon their heavily fortified ranks. I also knew that I was sick of waiting around until they decided to have this “meeting” of theirs. So last night when everyone was gathered, I told them point blank that if the meeting didn’t happen then, it wouldn’t happen at all.
Paul laughed, because he laughs at everything. Then I told him, “I’m not joking. I’m completely serious. You’ve held this over my head long enough. No longer. Now or never.”
He sheepishly walked to April and asked her, “Do you want to have the meeting tonight honey?” She said, pouting, “No, I’m tired.”
And that, as they say, was that. The entire thing collapsed in upon itself with a nearly audible Tttthhhhhpppttt.
And the dreaded Factor X? Turns out my roommies want me to be more social. That’s right. They want me to be more social with them. They apparantly find me annoying and infuriating and therefore want me to spend more time with them. No, it doesn’t make sense to me either.
In any case, I’m planning on spending more time with them now that I don’t have to worry about a “meeting” suddenly breaking out.
Unless, of course, the Roomies Strike Back …
**
That’s it?!
Gah!
Worst. Resolution. Ever. 
I’m glad it worked out, sort of. If there are further developments, please do ‘Kepp us updated.’ 
If they want you to be more sociable with them, what are you doing on here with us?!
Hear, hear, Wikket and Rilchiam. All that build up and then…nothing! Total bonerkill. You’re a tease, BlackKnight!
Hmm. Let’s see if I can follow the thought processes (or whatever passes therefore) of your roommates.
Roommate 1: blackknight isn’t being very social. He hardly ever hangs out with us.
Roommate 2: I know! Let’s all gang up on him and attack him!
Roommate 3: Yes! Surely our naked antagonism will compel him to spend as much time a possible with us!
Roommate 1: Brilliant! Remember, don’t tell blackknight, but be sure to mention it to all our mutual acquaintances!
What a crappy ending!! Where is the shootouts? The fights that span across the apartment? The broken crockery!
Why, If this was a movie, I would be sorely dissaponted in the Factor X. Boo! Hiss! Boo!
It would have been so much better if you snapped when they mentioned being more social, and laid into them with various kitchen utensils!
Black Knight,
And you fell for that?!
Man, the meeting is still on, it’s just postponed until you are under more stress.
Loose these jerks.
Tris
I know, I know. I kept thinking to myself, “I should just lie to the SDMB about this. I’ll tell them I really did kill the roommates in their sleep, then disolved their bones in a bathtub full of acid. Or maybe I’ll work in space aliens. What I can’t do is tell the truth - BO-RING!”
I felt like Stephen King after having written 800-pages of compelling story. “Now how do I end the damned thing?”
(In other words, you’re lucky the resolution didn’t involve a giant spider.)
So without further ado, I give you the Alternate Universe Ending:
Trisk is right. This may not be over yet. After all, I’ll be living with these people for another year - lots can happen!
(Dammit, now I’m tempted to pick fights with my roommies just so I can continue a successful thread. :p)
Well, I just ask myself, “Do I want to hang around with a bunch of childish, juvenile, sarcastic, self-rightous perverts, or do I want to hang around with my roommates?”
And while I’m posting again I might as well say that I’ll be more than happy to kepp you all informed.
Well, I’d have cheered.
(Last post- a go me for being so good about my own roomie situation. This post- a vicarious hope for the bloody death of anyone with the title “Roomie”. Oh how the mighty fall.)
[quote]
childish, juvenile, sarcastic, self-rightous perverts
[quote]
Band Name.
I know. I know.
Coat.
Door.
Well, thanks for the update, BlackKnight. That was sort of anti-climatic, though. If that’s all they wanted, they should have told you in the first place instead of holding imaginary threats and such over your head. Then again, that’s just my opinion.
Wikkit: Har har har. I could have said I did it on purpose, but then there’s my post correcting the typo. Darn that post!
Long time lurker, first time poster.
First off I have to say FUCKING GOAT FELCHING HELL because I already typed this out once and I lost it because this is my first post and it got eaten 
Abbreviated version of my first story:
I had a roommate in college who after joined a frat decided to:
1)Snore so loudly the people in the next room could hear him through the concrete walls as if he were in the room.
2)Get so drunk the cops took him to detox, leaving me to explain to his brother and father what had happened to him.
3)Piss 6 inches from my head into my dirty laundry basket. He also almost pissed on my books and computer but I managed to avert that catastrophe.
The last I heard of the guy he was in trouble for wandering into the wrong house drunk and passing out just after he threw up on an antique daybed.
Good Luck to you BlackKnight, it seems your situation is very grim. IMHO the key to your agony is April. She is Paul’s fiancee so you will get no help from him, especially there’s an underlying threat of no sex if he should back down. She’s also Kim’s friend. I agree with everyone who said that you should get each of them alone.
I also agree with Celestine, though not so passionately. Quit doing Paul’s java, you’re helping no one in this situation.
And finally, at the very least, if things are going to go to hell, go in blaze of glory. Push April over the edge, get her tweaked beyond repair and lay such a path of destruction it makes Sherman’s March look like a quick trip to the deli across the street.
Good luck BlackKnight. I hope your living situation works itself out soon.
Sanscour
PS-A quick hi to Guinastasia who I remember from customserssuck. hugs and waves Hi sweetie, freakin quit Kmart already, work for a less evil Evil Empire.