I checked out the Death Clock yesterday just to see how much time I had left.
The damn thing told me I had zero time remaining; my death date was March 19, 2011.
I know there must be a rule about posting here after death and I apologize for breaking that rule. But what I am really afraid of is this: Will the people at the Death Clock send someone around to make sure that I am dead? Or will they just accept that I am a ghost?
I don’t feel dead and I don’t feel like a ghost and no one has give me a copy of the Handbook for the recently deceased—what should I do? I need help.
No one uses dead tree handbooks any longer. You should have received a link and a passcode. Have you tried turning your computer off then on again? Or burying three chicken necks beside a poplar during a waxing gibbous moon as you recite *The Raven *by Poe? Maybe try possessing Whoopi Goldberg - it worked for Patrick Swayze…
Don’t worry, that thing reads like stereo instructions. Anyways, instead of worrying that you’re dead and don’t know it yet, think about it the other way…you’re on borrowed time. Go BASE jumping, get a motorcycle and ride it down the center of the highway, run at the pool, talk with mouth in your food.
Live a little, you probably only have a few days left. God’s a sloppy accountant, but even he reconciles the books once in a while and the month ends in a few days. Some people last years like this, some people are gone the second they go through the windshield.
WTF? If I’m optimistic I’ll live to 79, but if I’m pessimistic I’ll only live to 56? Sounds like bullshit to me. And I know enough crabby old people to know it’s bullshit.
Whew. I dodged the bulllet. September 5, 1975. By a serious glitch, Lynnette Fromme went after me, but got Gerald Ford instead, and was thwarted by secret service. I can understand the error, I was in the Kingdom of Jordan at the time, surrounded by protective Muslims. Now, having lived 41 years onward, I consider the threat to be pretty much over. But I remain cautiously mindful that, with an Oval Office Final Solution impending, the warp may be brought back into equilibrium with me taking the bullet intended for . . . . . Have a nice day.
Having seen two parents age into their 90s, I don’t want to live that life. When i get to about 70, I’m going to start doing more and more risky stuff.
Skydive? Sure, let’s go. Turmoil in Argentina? Great time for a visit. Top speed of this sportbike is 175? Let’s see about that. Hike the Appalachian Trail solo? Always wanted to do it, let’s go.
Louis, if you haven’t been chatting with someone who TALKS LIKE THIS, don’t worry too much. He’ll be along at some point, but he runs his own clocks and I don’t think he really takes much truck with spiderplaces.
That thing hops around within a margin of about 15 years every time I click “calculate” again It’s jumping between a death age of 103 (my still-living grandma is 102) and one of 89 (my other grandma clocked out at 86). That’s without changing any of the input. So apparently it’s using statistical curves and not just averages.
Good call. You’re going to love it. I’m 77. After a decade of going blind and doing nothing, I went around the world twice, leaving next month for a third time around. Spent two weeks in Sri Lanka, riding around on the back of a motorbike, which I found wonderfully exhilarating, and ignored that it was suicidal. Been to 11 countries in the past year I had never been to before, including Ukraine, leaving next month for seven more, including Qatar and Somalia.
