(Shhh. VOW, it’s a code for something real fun, I’m wanting a ferris wheel built, myself)
Oh, I hope you’re right! You get a ferris wheel, I’ll even come ride it, although that would aggravate the Hell outta my vertigo.
If is ISN’T code for fun stuff, maybe you can package and sell exotic poops to fertilize expensive flowers. And I bet Hobby Lobby would buy up all the extra tailfeathers. Crafters love peacock feathers.
~VOW
<SIGH>
LACKEY!!!Dictation! To the Board of Directors; Augustus, D. Brutis, Mark and Tony, Cleo, Petra, to CEO Jules:
The limits of Empire have been reached. I am, within my capacity and authority, ceasing all operations in this arena effective immediately. All operatives shall be withdrawn at once, all local contacts cut off. This place is populated by sycophants and drunkards and has no value strategically or logistically that cannot be matched for less expense and hassle elsewhere.
Despite the above mentioned qualities of the principal holders of power, the general populace seems happy and content. Should King iiandyiiii ever become aggressive, I do believe he would be able to field a force that would even make the loan sharks and other mafiosos run for cover. Ware the iii’s of andy
Add my usual signature and titles and dispatch that in a moment
New letter, to HR:
Bob,
Disregard my previous missive about that Reggie fellow and his crew of boisterous brigands. I’ve been informed they’ve been eliminated by a member of the king’s retinue who saw them as a potential competitor for power and influence. I do want you to recruit Chief Enforcer Lumpy post haste as he is a truly solid, dependable person who takes his job seriously. You should be able to get him for a song and battalion of his own, a bargain. I’d move quickly as you can on this before a fate similar to Reggie befalls him. I’d do for you Bob but; effectively immediately I resign my commision and titles of office in The Corporation. Please use my final check to pay off the loan sharks and if there is any remainder, please donate it to the retired dog catchers relief fund.
Sign that Chaz and get them dispatched to HQ right away
Trumpistan hath buildeth a gigantic wall around its perimeter. Not only does it not contain anything we need or want, said wall keepeth all Trumpistan rabble nicely isolated from everyone else.
I shall petition His Royalness to proclaim a decree that Trumpistan is as a fly on the wall, too high to swat. Therefore, 'tis best to ignore it.
If we pay it no heed, perhaps it will just go away.
~VOW
That stink don’t wash off.
I NEED A FERRIS WHEEL. Asap.
Please. Pretty please.
*"April 11 - The first Feast of the King’s Uvula was marked by the kingdom hosting a well-intentioned international yodelling conference. However, once the event began the horrific nature of what an actual international yodelling conference was like immediately became apparent, and the populace fled in terror. King iiii took decisive action and had all the yodellers beheaded on the spot, once again earning him the love and gratitude of his people.
No formal activities have yet replaced the misguided conference, although many youth of the kingdom informally mark the occasion by getting really stoned and spending hours lying on their living room floors giggling at the mere thought of the word ‘uvula’."*
Aw, Chaz, don’t be like that. Really, I just poisoned them for experimental purposes and funsies, no hard feelings! Here, have a nice martini on the house and disregard my evil grin.
Don’t mind if I do.
Say, since I’m not on the payroll of The Corporation anymore, I aaah just want to say that anything I said previously was just me doing my job, ya know? I didn’t mean anything personal by it.
*ok, he’s not looking NOW! discretely dump the drink in this potted plant, smile big>:D
In fact I may stick around, see what opportunities come my way. I can’t pay homage, but I know where to get some fromage instead. Do you think that would work?
Oooooooo, you ARE a slick one…
The stoned courtiers need, NEED a Ferris Wheel. So let’s get on with the program, folks.
psst! Beck! beck! ememberay ostpay umbernay oneyay evensay oneyay!
You outrank him!
Issue! An Imperial! Decree!
Yes, ahem, well, thank you, good Doctor Sir. Now about that cheese, I can get some small quantities of provolone and gorgonzola, but I’ve got quite a lot of scamorza tucked away for whatever need might arise where it would be useful. Do you think the king would accept this offering in lieu of homage?
Omagehay! Ayyay! Ogay emay!
All this talk of cheese! With the Royal bunch of goats, and the availability of leftover toe jam (all those feasts of Royal digits, yanno), you got the fixin’ to make homegrown cheese.
~VOW
Cheese! My fave. I’ll take any you have and want to donate.
(Stop with the toe jam, strawberry jam is fine)
beck, you’ve been proclaimed Empress by your hordes of ravenous followers!You need to get with the program and start issuing Emperial Decrees! If you don’t,
I’m sorry beck but it will have to be the limburger for you.
Empress, smempress.
Don’t no one listen to me.
I’ll try this though:
1st decree:
ICECREAM PARTY!
COME ONE, COME ALL!
(we have sprinkles!!)
April 12 is the Feast of the King’s Left Ring Finger, an auspicious day for engagements, marriages, divorces, and counting to four starting with your thumb.
This faux coup is delightful! Please carry on!
Yes, let’s all stand up and shout to whomever nearby can hear us: “FAUX COUP! FAUX COUP, ALL!”
I don’t care who’s king of what. I’m President of Freedonia. Hail, hail Freedonia!