In my younger days I used to carry random items (tampons, condoms, spam) in my cart and surreptitiously put them in the carts left in the middle of the aisle.
I think I might start doing this again when I get a little older and no longer give a fuck.
“Hey, that’s mine”
“Haha, no it’s still the stores until you pay for it. Die in a fire”
I moved back in July and had to get accustomed to a new branch of my usual grocery store that bears almost no resemblance to the old one. Fine. The old one didn’t have a take a number thingy at the deli counter so I just sauntered up and waited for the meat jockeys to make eye contact. To you, dear hambeast who insisted on arriving well after me, and you damned well knew it, you didn’t pull off something slick by taking the next ticket in queue and cutting in front of me by shrieking that I don’t have a number. Oh really? Let me just go find something sharp and heavy really quickly and I’ll ram it against your skull for a while and then it can be my turn now, ok?
My father eats miracle whip, but English isn’t his first language.
How can a grocery cart be shaped like a butterfly??
This is brilliant. I’m very tempted to go to the store right now just to do this.
I’m old enough to not give a fuck now. Obviously, I need to add Miracle Whip to my list of things to leave in unattended carts.
Leave high dollar (relatively speaking) but small stuff, like that $30 box of Prilosec. Chances are it’s small enough that they won’t notice it, and that extra $30 will fuck them up. Alas, they started keeping the Prilosec behind the pharmacy counter, probably because so many assholes were getting charged for it. Fine, motherfucker, I can get it $5 cheaper at Wally World.
And be sure and take your time to count every goddamn coupon at the checkout counter. I really don’t mind spending 20 extra minutes standing in line behind you.
there are some carts that have a plastic kiddie car attached, so the kid feels like they’re driving a car whilst mommy shops.
I like it when folks don’t take the carts back to the corrals - I intentionally park near random carts, it’s great when I feel like copping a lean while entering the store and essential when I’m returning a bazillion returnable bottles. So not everybody hates that trait.
no, Mexican Velvetta
e-cart
Shop online the night before, drive up to the box at the designated pick-up time, employees come out and put your groceries in your trunk. The whole thing costs $5 extra an order, I love it.
Part of the reason I love it though is because so many people are nasty jerks in the store. If I’ve inadvertently blocked your way (which I do only very rarely and by accident, mostly because they put so much crap in the aisles people cannot pass one another), could you say “excuse me” pleasantly instead of in a tone that indicates that you would like to tear off my head and crap down my throat?
I wish they didn’t have those stupid kid car carts, my kid wants to ride in them desperately and I feel like crap for always saying no.
The only place around here that does that is Aldi (& it’s only a 25¢ deposit). I think it’s a great idea, I’ve never seen stray carts in their parking lot.
Here’s mine.
To the employees of the store: leave me the fuck alone! I’m looking for bread, I don’t need to answer “How are YOU today?” or “Finding everything OK?” 5000 times on my way to the bakery section. If this does not cease immediately, I am going to begin pausing as I enter the store and bellow at the top of my lungs “I’M FUCKING FINE AND I KNOW WHERE THE ASSBITCHING[sup]*[/sup] PICKLES ARE, DAMMIT!” And specifically to the cashier: I know you’ve been instructed to do so by your manager, but don’t stop, read my name off the receipt and say “You’ve saved $.29, Mr. Astroboy!” I have an unusual last name, and the 30 seconds it takes you to puzzle it out are 30 seconds that I could be kicking orphans or abusing kitties, OK?
[sup]*Are we really going to start using this word?[/sup]
I’ll never understand why mayonnaise lovers turn up their noses at Miracle Whip. It’s not as if Cains or Hellman’s taste a bit like homemade mayo. They’re just saying “Okay, we know that we’re more artificial tasting than homemade mayo, but not as much as Miracle Whip”. I glory in the artificial taste of Miracle Whip. It is the taste of my childhood, when we lived better through chemistry. And it is the taste of the future when everything will be grown in vats. Miracle Whip is people.
We are all in the toilet. But some of us are looking at the flush handle.
This also works well with goodies from the butcher dept., like tripe, brains and pig’s knuckles.
That explains much. And boo on Mooch for not standing behind his insult.
Thank you for this thread. I was in a bit of a slump today but now I am feeling all jolly.
All of my bitching has been covered so I’ll add a mean thing I do when I am in the mood.
Most people when pulling their car into a parking spot upon seeing a cart in the spot will either get out and move it then pull in fully to the spot or back up and go to another spot. I like to park in those spots and not move the cart. Half of my truck is sticking out into the aisle. Hopefully the assbitches who drive by will get all pissed off at the assbitch that left half their truck in the aisle instead of fully pulling into the spot will drive by as they are cursing and see the cart blocking my truck from being fully in the spot and then think twice about being an assbitch in the future and put their fucking carts back in the corral.
I don’t do this a lot because I hate shopping so I usually go around 5-6 AM on the weekends and the parking lot is clean of wild carts.
I cannot believe I never thought to do this, and can’t wait for my next trip to the g-store so I can implement my evil plan. I think I’ll start with one of those big ol’ hunks of fresh ginger that look like dog-mangled voodoo dolls. That should give some loser a decent thrill.
It’s beef. It’s just a ground up fucking cow. And you know what, the price per pound is exactly the fucking same! You are not getting a better deal by picking through the packages to find the cheapest one. It may be cheaper - BUT THERE’S LESS FUCKING BEEF!
Stop trying to decide which ground beef defines you as a person, grab the package that’s close to the pound you need for you fucking hamburger helper and get the shit out of my way.
Mostly we just think what an inconsiderate fucking lazy douche bag dick too lazy to move a fucking cart two fucking feet like a civilized person so they can pull their piece of shit car out of the traffic lanes. When I see cars parked like that, the last thing I think about is the asshole that left the cart there. The first thing I think about is the moron who does not know how to park.
Well, I don’t eat cheese from a can or Chef Boyardee. I have to cling on to some little part of my proud suburban white bread heritage, ya know?
Preach it, brother. That whole strategy sounds like trying to out asshole the asshole.
There’s a lot of that in this thread.