LOL, have you heard the song Stuart by The Dead Milkmen?
“…Oh, don’t go get me wrong. They’re fine people, they’re
good Americans. But they’re content to sit back, maybe
watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick
back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They’re good, fine people,
Stuart. But they don’t know … what the queers are doing
to the soil!
…
Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,
there’s a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,
for an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.
You can’t build on it; you can’t grow anything in it. The government
says it’s due to poor farming. But I know what’s really going on,
Stuart. I know it’s the queers. They’re in it with the aliens.
They’re building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to
God…”
::Sigh:: And I suppose you think that Steve Irwin’s death was an unfortunate accident, don’t you? The truth is far more sinister. Darwin came up with the theory of evolution because he’d been having homosexual relations with several animals, including a turtle. He came up with the theory of evolution in hopes that people would come to think that there was no difference between animals and humans and he could marry one of his beloved animals. Steve Irwin found this out, and to cover it up, announced that Harry the tortoise was really “Harriet” the tortoise, thus concealing Darwin’s perversion. Unfortunately for Irwin, he had a crisis of conscience and was planning on going public with the truth, and mentioned this to his producer. The producer (a Hollywood-type, so you know he was gay) contacted his friends in the effects community, who quickly built a robotic stingray and the producer used this to kill Irwin with. (Don’t ask me how I found this information out. I have to protect my sources.)
Oh, it wasn’t Preston Tucker, that Darwin was cursing, but the Earl of Tucker. The Earl, it seems, had seduced Darwin’s current chimp-lover, and the chimp wanted nothing to do with Darwin after this.
Isn’t it obvious? You were flustered because of gay marriage.
I wonder if Steve Martin has given up swimming in salt water, because the coincidence is definitely worrisome. Well, at least the hot-gay-turtle sex, anyway.
I think you’re thinking of the Earl of Chrysler, and it wasn’t a chimp, it was Queen Victoria. It turns out that, for a Queen, she really did have an enormous penis. It was the perfect size for a “queen,” however, and she was…huh…what’s that black heliocopter doing outside…guys in black suits and sunglasses? It’s not even sunny out…hey! wattaryoudoingyougoofybastard! ughyarrrrrrrllll…
Myself, I’m not gay. Though I am ashamed to admit to a little fetish I have. I like to – egads, I can’t believe I’m admitting this – wear men’s underwear.
Now that’s just like admitting that you caught Teh Ghey! You know who wear’s men’s underwear? Gays wear men’s underwear. Ever wonder why they call it Fruit Of The Loom? We’re onto you and your gay marriage agenda tdn.
