I blame the groundhog!

That’s right. You heard me correctly. I blame the groundhog. Here it is, nearly the middle of March, and it’s still freaking cold and snowy. And, it’s all that damn groundhog’s fault! All he had to do was say “Two more weeks”, instead of “Six more weeks”. What’s so hard about that?

Oh, sure, I know. He was grumpy from being poked in the ass with a stick and having enough lights blazing in his face to fry an egg, but still…it would have been so easy! Just one little word, and we could be digging out the spring clothes. Instead, we’re still digging out our cars. And, I’m sick of it!

Now, it’s not that I don’t sympathize with the groundhog. After all, I’d be pretty annoyed, too. If I’d tucked myself away in a nice warm hole with a six months supply of grass, only to have some goober in a top hat and tails come along and poke me in the ass with a stick and ask if I could make winter end…well…let’s just say they’re probably smart to stick with a smaller critter. And, what’s with those lights? Do we really need the biggest bank of lights this side of Hollywood blazing away when we harass groundhogs? Is that any way to approach a sleepy woodchuck for a favor? Come on people. No one likes bright lights shined in their face, especially when they’ve just been rudely awakened and dragged out of bed. Let’s use some common sense, here.

And, whose idea was it to put a groundhog in charge of the weather, anyway? I know there isn’t much to do in Pennsylvania in February, once you get a few miles outside Philly or Pittsburgh, but who was the nitwit that first said, “Hey! Let’s go poke a sleeping groundhog in the ass with a stick, and ask him to bring Spring around a little early, this year?” I mean, why leave it up to one of the few animals dumber than a TV weatherman? What kind of a bonehead idea is that? It’s a fat, grass addicted rodent that hibernates all winter, and we allow him to control the weather?!? What were we thinking? What the heck does he care what the weather’s like? He’s going back to bed for six weeks, no matter what.

And, why this particular groundhog? Has anyone run a background check on this critter? There’s something very suspicious about him. Who is this character, and how did he get such a powerful position? We don’t even know his real name! What about those aliases he’s been known to use; Wood, Chuck, and Punxatawney, Phil? I’m not a big fan of conspiracy theories, but I smell connections, here. It’s not like he has any real qualifications for the job. And, there’s that nasty rumor that keeps surfacing that he’s been known to chuck wood at people. Is this the kind of behavior we expect from a rodent in a position of authority? I don’t think so!

Anyway, I’ve had it with this vindictive little bugger. Let him take it out on the nimrod with the stick, if he’s ticked off. It works for us bears. You don’t catch Goober and Gomer pokin’ us in the ass with a stick while we’re sleeping. It’s just not right that we all have to suffer because of a peevish groundhog. Who’s in charge of these things, anyhow? :yawn: Something’s gotta be done! :yawn: I’m tired, now. I’m going to bed. Someone wake me up in late April, and we’ll deal with this oversized gopher in the Spring.

Vindictive little rat…

looks like someone needs a little groundhog caroling…

(chorus to: bring a torch jeanette isabella)

ugh, ugh, tired of winter’s ice and cold,
ugh, ugh, winter can sure get old.

Now, see? That’s using your head! Groundhog Carolling…what a cool idea! That’s a much nicer approach than poking him in the ass with a stick. Maybe he wouldn’t be so grumpy, and more amenable to ending Winter. :slight_smile:

I’d sing along, but I’ve never heard of that song.:confused:

it is one of my fave christmas carols… emmmmm, you really don’t hear it much…

let’s try…

(drummer boy)

so they told me, as i went to see,
phil saw his shadow in punxsutawney,
that means we’ve six more weeks of winter’s chill.
that means we’ve six more weeks of winter’s thrill i’ve had my fill, it makes me ill.

use bummed for the rum pum pum parts.

there are more at:


i’m hoping for one more good snow storm around the 20th of march…

LOL! And, people say I put too much thought into this!

:eek: Got a ski trip planned, or something?

To the tune of Good King Wenceslaus -

On Groundhog’s day, dear Phil looked out
Of his little burrow,
Sleepily, he glanced about,
his little brow was furrowed.
“I don’t want to wake up yet,”
Poor young Phil objected,
Then his pudgy shadow fell,
Which he soon dete-ected.

Around the creature’s cozy home,
Onlookers observing
Punxsutawney’s favorite son,
Foung the sight unnerving.
Six more weeks of cold and snow,
According to tradition.
Spring was still a long way off,
Thanks to supersti-ition
Siiigh. More snow this afternoon. MAKE IT STOP!!!

We use prairie dogs out here in the southwest. They work much better–yesterday the afternoon temperature was 71 and it looks like it’s going to be the same today.

Easy on the ‘hog, there, Skippy. Punxsutawney happens to be the land o’ me birth and ancestral homeland. You are apparently confused. The 'hog predicts the weather, he does not control it. Would a spurious prediction of early spring have made you happier?

Oh, sure. Now you’re going to offend him and cause him to go on strike? What’ll we do when there’s nobody left to hog the ground?

Easy, there, yourself, Scumpup. (May I call you scum?) Calling someone “Skippy” is fighting words, at least where I’m concerned. But, in the spirit of welcoming a new member, I’ll let it slide, this time.

I say we call that devious little Marmota Monax Skippy! That’ll teach 'im.

nope, davebear, no ski trip. just hoping for a long weekend.

there would be a wonderous irony in having a ton of snow to shovel on the first day of spring.

Davebear, I chilled with Phil in Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day this year and he told me that he doesn’t like you either.


As far as my hometown is concerned, winter is dead. Long live 50-60 degree weather! (For the next few days, perhaps. Long enough to flood and then ice over really hard when it dips down to oh, say, -20.)

:hands Kn*ckers a cup of cocoa:

KRC - Don’t taunt a cold, grumpy bear :cool:

slortar - How’s he going to go on strike? All he does is hibernate, anyway. What’s he going to do? Move to Albequerque?

NurseCarmen - I was thinking more along the lines of hypnotizing him, next November, just before he goes into hibernation, so the first words he says upon waking are “Two more weeks!” If that doesn’t work, I may just have to eat him, even though I’m more of a roots-and-berries kind of bear.

rocking chair - Ah! Irony. Like the April Fools blizzard we had, here, a few years ago? Eighteen inches of the white crap. That was the only time the office I worked in, at the time, ever closed due to weather.

whatmove - Oh! So, you’re the gomer with the stick! My friends from PETA will be around to see you, later today. But, maybe you can answer a question for me, seeing as you’re on a first name basis with the groundhog. What’s up with the “Punxsutawney Phil” nickname? What is he, a pool hustler? A professional poker player? Or, is that his “wiseguy” name, that he uses when he takes a contract to chuck wood at someone?

Derleth - At least you guys are getting a “January thaw”, even if it is in the middle of March. We had ours Wednesday. It lasted almost 12 hours. :frowning: Right, Kn*ckers?