My best to you, Algernon.
Algernon, I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
My hugs & condolences go out to you & your family…
I can somewhat empathize - we lost my mom’s dad (aged 87) this past November after a bit of a roller coaster. (Some of the same decisions needed to be made for his care as were made for your mom, though he passed before consent for a feeding tube could be given.)
You’re right - you can always take some comfort, I think, in the fact that you did what she wished & that your mom understood your farewells. It’s very tough when a loved one no longer knows you exist. I’m glad y’all had that time together.
And it’s true what you said to your dad: Our loved ones aren’t in the body, they’re in the memories, in the children, the grandchildren, relatives, & other loved ones.
I didn’t mean to make this post about me - I just wanted to let you know that I have empathy for you. My e-mail is in my profile if you’re ever interested in using it.
My sympathy to you and your family. I lost my mom in 1998. Mothers are hard to let go of and even to this day I cry often when thinking of her. May you find peace in knowing her last week was good.
As one who understands intimately the loss of a beloved mother, I pray that God go with you always, Algernon. Your angel story is wonderful.
I am moved. There is a lump in my throat and a moistness in my eyes. Thank you all.
I must confess that in the past when I have come across threads where expressions of sympathy and support are the logical responses, I have not always posted. Sometimes because I don’t know what to say. Sometimes because someone else has already said what I would’ve said, only much more elequently. Sometimes because I didn’t have much time.
I vastly underestimated the impact of a few simple words. I vow to never again bypass one of these threads without posting.
My heart goes out to you and your family, Algernon. I lost my mom 13 years ago–suddenly, with no chance to say goodbye, and I’m glad you were able to be with yours.
Wow, I had to read your story in sections because I didn’t want to cry at work. I couldn’t imagine losing my mom. For the longest time we never got along, and I’ve said some things to her in the past that I wish I wouldn’t have. Now she’s getting up there in the years, and I’m mature enough to realize that ultimately she only wanted the best for me. Thank God I have some time to spend with her on good terms.
I think that a relationship with a mother is one unlike any other, and affects whether you want it to or not. I know now that I’m much happier now that I get along with my mom.
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m confident that your mom is looking down proudly on you!
My sympathies, Algernon.
I’ve buried both parents, who died 51 weeks apart to the day. That was weird.
Mom wasn’t a surprise. She lived a year and a half with a particularly aggressive type of lung cancer. I wasn’t the primary caregiver (that was my sister), but I was the relief, and I drive 250 miles each weekend for 4 months to do my part. I hated every minute of it, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
Dad was a surprise. He had myelocytic (sp?) leukemia, which is characterized as easy to treat, but it was his 2nd relapse. He died unexpectedly of a massive infection while taking chemo. I honestly think he gave up, because he had been dealing with it for 7 years altogether.
Burying parents is tough. You have my condolences and best wishes.
Algernon, I am sorry that I passed this over the first time, as I had no idea what to say. I send my condolences.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your post brought tears to my eyes and I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Ava
I am so sorry for your loss, {{{Algernon}}}. But, I’m glad to know that your mom had the love of her family and your angel friend to help her through, and I’m glad to know that you have your family’s love to sustain you.
Algernon, I too am sorry to hear about your mothers death. Know our thoughts and prayers are with you.
At the risk of being accused of executing an inappropriate bump of this thread, I want to say that I appreciate the stories that others have shared about their own parent’s deaths.
I had an acquantance a long time ago tell me that there were only two life experiences that could not be adequately explained to someone else unless they themselves had also had the experience…
… the birth of a child
… the death of a parent
I have now experienced both, and I have to concur. I did not fully comprehend the impact of losing my mother. It hit me harder than I expected.
I have run out of words of gratitude. Thank you all for your support.
er, make that “acquaintance”…
I wanted to offer my condolences also. I (we) lost my dad to Parkinsons a few years ago. It was so hard to see the changes he underwent- it was long and painful for everyone. Hospice was good , but I still feel they could have done a better job. At least we got to stay with him in the end. You are completely right about the large lifechanging events (birth and death).
I am so sorry, Algernon. I lost my mom five years ago, my brother almost exactly one year later. My two older cats in between. It was the year from Hell.
I adored my mother, and I miss her more than I can say . But, like you, my family had the chance to do or say anything we needed to do or say to her…to make things “right” if there was a reason that this needed to be done. I was lucky…my mother had her initial diagnoses of cancer a year-and-a-half before she died. She had major surgery at that time, (a Whipple Resection) and they thought they had gotten all the cancer. I was her nurse, her companion and her “physical” support after that surgery (my dad was wonderful, but she didn’t WANT him being her nurse or her “physical” support.) I thought she was going to have many more years with me, but it made me realize that she wasn’t necessarily going to be with me for the rest of my life…and any issues we had were settled. There weren’t many, but what there were, we dealt with. Mind you, I realize now that even though I knew with my MIND that mom wasn’t immortal, my heart wasn’t convinced. I’m not sure my heart is convinced even now. Anyway, I cherish that time when we thought we still HAD a lot of time…and were able to enjoy it without the extraneous issues clouding our love for each other.
When we found out that the cancer had metastized and mom was diagnosed terminal, I was able to move in and take care of her once again…this time with the “MIND” knowledge that she was going to die. I cherish that time, and I wouldn’t trade it for a million dollars. Truly. I believe that my siblings DID have issues they needed to work out with mom, and I don’t know if they did or not…it wasn’t my responsibility, and although I hoped that they DID, I was too busy doing what I had to do to allow myself to worry about it. Anyway, I am grateful that God gave them the time to do what they needed to do. Whether or not they DID it is between them and mom and God.
Long and rambling post, sorry. But what I wanted to say is what I said earlier. Things happen every once in awhile that make me realize that my heart isn’t convinced that mom isn’t coming back. Oh, I know with my brain that she is dead to this world…I believe she is in Heaven, but that isn’t quite the same as having her here. And sometimes something happens that makes me realize that my heart thinks that she is sort of on an extended vacation…and she’ll be back any day now. I’m not crazy, either.
I’m glad you had some time. I’m sorry you are in such pain. I hope that you allow yourself to grieve as YOU need to grieve…and my heart and my prayers are with you.
(((((Algernon))))))
My Love,
Cheri