Well, I guess I’m not great at putting together these types of threads, I don’t really express myself too well, but in this case, I guess I just think it is necessary.
Silver Fire (slvrfire for you IRC people) went to pick up her mom from the hospital this morning. She came home, but apparently is still in a lot of pain and may go back soon. Silver has, understandably, emotional pain and a lot of stuff that she is going through as a result of this.
I am thankful I’ve never had to experience anything like this, but I really feel bad for her. I asked her in chat and she gave me permission to post this, and I’m guessing she’ll be reading it, so if any of you have any words of encouragement or anything I’m sure they would be greatly appreciated.
Okay, here’s the whole story. I picked her up. She received a prescription for morphine to ease the pain. It’s not working very well. The pain went away for about 30 minutes and came right back. She was crying a begging to die about 5 minutes ago. She’s really sick.
We talked about funeral arrangements today. I asked her about what type of casket, gravestone, clothing, flowers, etc. she would like. She said we didn’t have to put a bible quote on her gravestone if we didn’t want to. And we don’t have to play organ music. So that’s good. She made me promise that I wouldn’t kill myself after she died. She also made me promise I would move back home to live with my dad and my sister. I’m about to leave to drive her to the hospital.
Gosh hun, there’s not a lot I can say to ease what you are feeling at the moment. You and your family are in my thoughts. You know we are here for you if you need it!
To anyone who sends me any email: Thank you. As soon as I can, I’ll reply to you. Demo, thanks for giving me that. I’ll probably use it tonight. Well, maybe.
Okay. My mom’s really pissing me off. She won’t let me take her to the hospital. She keeps saying, “Wait and see if I start to feel better.” Damn, I can’t take this. She just got off the phone with her mom and I think she (my grandmother) convinced my mom that going to the hospital would be the best thing. So maybe we’ll actually be going soon. I don’t want her to have to sit in a hospital, but I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her here. I’d rather she was monitered by professionals. Just a quick update. Thanks again. You guys (and those who’ve listened to me in chat for the last few hours) are the greatest.
OK Silver you know we are there for you, you know what to do. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I know you are tough and you are a survivor. Remember to always take time for yourself, and no matter how dark things are they will get better.
Silver, you’re too young and too nice to be put in this situation. But as the story goes, live isn’t always fair. Life can be a mean sonofabitch at times, frankly. Hang in there, sweetie.
Try to enjoy the moments you can still share with your mother. I hope you have the chance to bid each other a good farewell. As weird as it may sound: not all people get that chance.
Religion is not for me: so vibes it is for you, Silver, and for your mother. If you’re anything like her, she must be a wonderful woman. I hope she will leave without too much pain…
Silver Fire, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother now. I lost my mother 13 years ago this coming month, so I totally understand your pain and frustration.
When my mother’s breast cancer returned, matesticized to her lungs, the doctors gave her no hope for recovery so she opted for no treatment. That meant no hospital, either. She was completely stubborn about it, too. But since SHE was the one who was dying, we all felt that it was really important that it be HER wishes that were adhered to and not ours. She wanted to be at home, not hooked up to equipment in a sterile environment with strange doctors and nurses poking and prodding on her.
Believe me, I KNOW how damn difficult this is. You want to help and you want to take away her pain. But the absolute best thing you can do for her right now is listen to her wishes. Let her go the way she wants to go. Be there with her. Hold her. Tell her you love her. Comfort her as best you can. Let her know that her time on this planet wasn’t for naught. Look at what a great daughter she raised!
Most of all, in spite of how excrutiating it is to watch her like this, try to cherish every moment. Don’t spend the end arguing with her about where she should be. Tell stories you remember from your childhood and happy memories that you’ll cherish forever. Ask her to tell you stories you may not recall. If she’s up to it, perhaps she could write a letter to her future grandchildren telling them all about what their mother was like growing up. What a wonderful gift to pass down!
I know you think you’ll have regrets if she doesn’t go to the hospital, always wondering if there was anything else that could have been done. But believe me, there are no worse regrets than not spending the end sharing loving times with your mother. Just be there with her no matter what she chooses and you will never be sorry for the time spent with her, even under such incredibly painful circumstances.
If there is any chance for recovery for her, I’m praying that she’s blessed with that.
Hang in there, girl. All of our thougts and prayers go towards you and your mother. We all hope for the best.
All I have left to say is this:
Someone walks in front of me,
Someone walks behind me.
Soon, I am no longer walking behind anyone,
And now I am the one who must lead on and be strong.
The point is is that you must take this like the strong woman we all know you are. Take care.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I don’t know exactly what is going on with her but it sounds like it must be pretty bad.
I am an RN with 10 years experience on a oncology unit. I have seen many people die and it never gets any easier. I know how to handle someone’s physical pain but the emotional hurt is much harder to heal.
I don’t know if anyone has discussed Hospice with you but it is a great organization. The nurses are trained to handle the physical symptoms but more importantly they are experienced in handling the grieving process, both anticipatory and active. They can assist you and your family in dealing with your pain.
Oh god. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother Silver. Words seem so inadequate. You’re way too young to have to deal with this but at least you ARE a strong person. hugs We’ll be here if you need us.
