Those of you that followed this thread know that my mom is pretty sick right now and is spending her days and nights in a hospital. Well, she saw the specialist this morning. I just got off the phone with her now and she still hasn’t gotten any test results or anything. However, the specialist said that it might just be something that they won’t be able to find and she’ll have to go to pain management classes. I’m going up there tomorrow morning. Hopefully, she’ll leave with me.
I am angry beyond expression. I’m sad. I’m scared. I’m confused. I feel like I’m going to be sick. But none of this matters to me. I want my mom to be okay. I would do anything I could to make this go away. Sadly, there’s nothing I can do. But I would trade 10,000 “good days” of mine for an hour of absolute painless bliss for her.
Anyway, I know a few of you are really keeping up with this so I just wanted to let you all know what’s going on. And, again, thanks for caring.
Several years ago, my father developed terrible pain in his legs–it was bad enough that he became disabled. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stay in one position for any length of time–he was in very bad shape.
The doctors couldn’t find a thing wrong with him–they muttered about diabetic neuropathy, but they couldn’t do anything other than give him Percoset, which didn’t help all that much. He tried accupuncture at one point–that helped a little, but not enough. It was a real bad time for him.
Then, months later, it started getting better. It continued getting better, until it was gone–whatever it was had run its course. More than three years later, it hasn’t come back. Nobody ever really knew why he hurt, and nobody knows why it stopped–it just did.
So don’t despair, Silver Fire–even if they can’t find what’s wrong with your Mom, that doesn’t mean it’s permanent.
Thanks for keeping us updated, sweetie. Curse that doctor out tomorrow, though. Untill they are 100% SURE they don’t know what it is, your mother deserves every pain killer she can get. Pain management my ass. Nobody deserves that kind of agony.
So, I talked to my dad. Then I talked to my mom again. Then my dad again. This is what we came up with. My mom is coming home tomorrow. When my dad gets home on Friday* or so, we’re going to start trying to get her into Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. It’s a very good clinic. Hopefully, they will figure something out. And, until they do, they won’t make her suffer in pain.
*My dad is in Florida and hasn’t been home in a week and a half. Which is why I’ve had to do this pretty much by myself. But he’s really proud of me. He wishes he were here though. So do I.
It doesn’t really make sense does it? I’ve been in the health care field for about eight years now and the most disturbing thing I’ve learned about are the limits of medical science. That doesn’t mean give up, but it does imply a certain amount of acceptance and temperance. Hang in the Silver.
It’s supposed to be simple isn’t it? Get sick, doctors work out what’s wrong and fix it. I’m so sorry hon.
{{{{{silver}}}}}
For what it’s worth I’m impressed and proud of you too. You’ve been very mature and responsible in conditions that would have crumbled either. And I KNOW you’re hurting badly through this. Hang in there.
I so much hope your mom gets better. This really must be hard on you. I wish I could do something to help you out. If you need to email me just to vent.
i think it was nice of the specialist to tell you up front that it might be something they can’t treat. Too often we have too much faith in doctors and assume they can treat anything. They, after all, are only human and, well, you know the rest of it.
But I have a childlike faith that the “might” is just a hedge against an unlikely possibility.
This is one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten. However, I’m not that strong and I’m not that brave. I’m only doing what I’m doing because I have to. Behind closed doors, I’m falling apart. Inside me I’m screaming because I really can’t do this alone. I’m losing my mind and I really don’t think I’ll ever be the same person once this is over. Especially if my mom doesn’t make it out alive. I’m more afraid now than I’ve ever been in my life, and everyday I wish I could just give up. Brave? Strong? Not hardly.
Of course you are falling apart inside. Of course you are angry and losing your mind. You are in a situation you can’t control, and the thing you want most in the whole world is out of your hands.
Honey, being brave and strong IS what you are doing. You are doing what you have to do, in a responsible and loving way, because you want to do it, and you feel you have no other choice. That is the very definition of brave and strong.
If you weren’t brave and strong, you would have abdicated responsibility and justified this stance to yourself somehow. Finding the strength to do what you need to do with grace is the very epitome of brave and strong.
I am very proud to be your friend. Please don’t forget that I am here for you, anytime you need me.
You’ve shown more grace, temperance, patience, and tolerance than I ever could in a situation that was a tenth as painful. My best wishes go to your mother for a recovery, or at the very least, some relief, and to you, that you may continue being as strong as you are.
{{{{Silver}}}}
Wow, Scotti. I don’t even know what to say to you, but somehow I couldn’t let this post go without a response. Thank you. I really wish I could think of something else to say, but I can’t. Maybe I’ll be able to some other day.
And, of course, huge thanks to everyone who has responded to the threads, listened to me through chat, AIM, ICQ, emails, phone calls, etc. You may never know just how much you are helping me get through this.
That sentence right there tells me you’re being brave and strong. Doing what you have to do is an admirable thing in itself, no matter how much you feel like you’re falling apart.
It’s frustrating not to have a diagnosis, but at least the doctors are doing what they can to track it down and to relieve your mom’s symptoms. I hope your her condition improves and your load lightens soon.
Silver, I just thought I’d add to the general consensus and say that you are strong and brave, for all the above-mentioned reasons. You have handled this mostly alone, with strength and love, and managed to keep a sense of humor through it all. I can think of no greater tribute to your parents and the job they’ve done raising you. I’m sure your mom knows how lucky she is to have a daughter like you.
Silver, I wish I could offer you some words that would be so profound and wonderful that this would all make sense. But I’m not that smart. All I can offer is an “I sort of know what you are going through”. My Mom, since she lost her soul-mate only six short weeks ago, has been in severe emotional pain everyday. That feeling of helplessness of watching a loved one in agony (granted, my mom’s is emotional)is the worst sort of torture. You sound like you are doing everything that you can and it’s good to fall apart behind closed door. You have to let your pain out some how. I’ll pray for you.
