I can't get no satisfaction... but if I were, would it be 'with' or 'of?'

There’s a sign at work that says “We guarantee your satisfaction of our products and customer service.”

That just seems WRONG to me.

The way it feels to me is that satisfaction of would imply action on the part of the person doing the satisfying. “I demand satisfaction of our disagreement, sir. We meet at dawn.” The “you” in that sentence would be making sure that the “products” were satisfied. Does that make sense? Whereas satisfaction with implies action on the part of the object. “I am satisfied with your apology. I retract my offer to duel.” And the “products” would satisfy the “you.”

Am I right? Am I wrong? Is there a hard and fast rule governing the use of “satisfaction with” vs. “satisfaction of?” Can you rephrase my preceding paragraph using the proper terms so it makes better sense?

I’m a huge dork. Fifteen minutes after posting this I realize that my oh-so-clever title is STUPID. “… but if i COULD.”

I agree with you. One is satisfied with something, not of it. However, a satisfaction can be “of” something.

As far as I know each of the three meanings is used in only one way:

gratification,pleasure, contentment satisfaction with. Let me express my satisfaction with this piece of pie.

vindication, compensation satisfaction of. Here is the money in satisfaction of my pie tab.

assurance, conviction satisfaction. It has been proven to my satisfaction that this is great pie.

Dear Sirs,

Enclosed please find the receipt, original packaging, warranty cards, complaint forms, and accessory kit (minus attachment A15 “the King Kong”) for two (2) Pleasure-All 3000 Marital Aids. I would appreciate an immediate refund.

I purchased the items for the “satisfaction of” my wife and girlfriend, but I was rather distressed to learn that your guarantee was not as misworded as I had assumed. It seems that the “satisfaction of” your product is indeed guaranteed. On first use, it gratified itself [quite loudly] 4 or 5 times, impregnated my wife, and nearly burned down the apartment I rented for my girlfriend when it went into ‘sleep mode’ while smoking a cigarette.

I am unable to return the appliances themselves, or the certificates for the free training seminars, because they have disappeared, along with my wife and girlfriend. I have reason to believe that all of the above will be arriving at your site soon, by separate transport.

Sign me,
A dissatisfied customer