"I can't help it. I love him/her."

[Siege]

Stratocaster, despite a certain thread in GD, I’m going to agree with you completely on this.

I’m in love right now. To be more accurate, I’m completely and utterly, disgustingly besotted with a man who is equally completely completely, disgustingly besotted with me. We’ve developed a case of the Terminal Cutes and, if you give me half a chance, I will whitter on about how absolutely wonderful he is. It’s a great feeling. I also know that if he did something I consider dishonorable – if I learned he’d committed adultery or stolen – or if he turned abusive, I’d tear out my heart, dump him and stop loving him. I’ve known him for over two years now, so this isn’t likely, but I will do what I need to.

A few years ago, a family friend of ours left his wife because he’d fallen madly in love with another woman. His actions, his so-called “love” tore his wife’s life apart. She found herself starting over again alone in her 60s. While this was happening, I met an attractive man who seemed wonderful, until I learned that he was married, and not from him. When I told him I wasn’t interested in him anymore (fortunately, we’d done no more than talk), he told me he loved me and that I was the most wonderful woman he’d ever met, and a few other things which, in other circumstances, would have been very nice to hear. Instead, I coldly said, “Tell that to your wife.” He was a very attractive man. I would not and will not, however break my moral code and foul up a stranger’s life simply because of a mutual attraction, however strong.

jawdirk, you said,

[quote]
I pity anyone who feels they have a moral responsibility to squelch a strong emotion. **
I would not think well of someone who wouldn’t squelch a strong emotion if it would lead to immoral actions. Anger is a strong emotion, as I know from personal experience. Can you honestly tell me that I’m deserving of pity if I squelch that strong emotion so I don’t do harm to myself or others? What then, is the difference between squelching that and love if allowing myself to fall in love would harm another as adultery does?

I’m not a saint. I’ve acted dishonorably a few times. I do not see myself has having to choose between acting honorably and being happy because, invariably, when I have acted dishonorably, I’ve wound up being more unhappy because of what I’ve done than I would have been if I hadn’t acted dishonorably.

CJ

[indierock82]

Do you guys believe that love (and all other emotions) are just a bunch of chemical interactions in the brain? While I was doing chemistry course, somebody gave a presentation about how they’ve been able to isolate certain chemicals that are released in the brain (in this case it was the first-date jitters) that cause the physical signs of that certain emotion. If it’s true for love, then it must be true for anger, jealosy, happiness etc.
I don’t know if that made any sense, but I hope you get the gist of it.

[RandMcnally]

@Brynda

I’m a therapist. Imagine how often I hear this.

One of the many, many reason I could not be a therapist.

“But I love him.”
“Wow. You’re a fucking idiot.”

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Stratocaster

<snip>When I hear people sigh, “We just fell out of love,” or “I just don’t love him any more,” I translate that to, “The normal biologically based phase of intense infatuation passed, and I have decided I don’t really want to continue to commit to this person.” I believe there are people who are infatuation junkies, constantly searching for that rush that occurs only with “someone new,” only to naturally diminish.
<snip>

There’s a whole lot of nail-hitting going on in this thread. Some of what you’re describing here I blame on tv and Hollywood, for getting people’s heads so screwed-up about what a loving, committed relationship is supposed to be. In my experience, a good relationship isn’t always easy, and it isn’t always roses and moonlight, but I would be a fool to end my relationship with my husband because he gets on my nerves sometimes. We are over the intense infatuation, but we are committed to continuing to commit to each other. Nicely put, Stratocaster.

[Zabali_Clawbane]

@Zebra

Love is not always a logical thing. Sometimes, people fall in, or out of love without good reasons. These may or may not be bad relationships.

What do you think of people who stay together ‘for the children’? They may not be screaming at each other or anything that looks bad, they just don’t love each other but they love their children.

Something more people need to realize is, even though you love someone, that doesn’t mean that you have to be with them. Sometimes it’s better to leave them, or not marry them in the first place if you both can’t thrive in the relationship for whatever reasons. This is true in many cases, not just abusive relationships.