I have depression, which, obviously, has lots of consequences. But there’s one that particularly saddens me. I used to love reading. I have always had piles of books by my bed, and, because I couldn’t resist it, I sometimes read two at once.
I don’t read anymore - for three main reasons. One is that I can’t concentrate. Secondly, I can’t remember what I’ve just read; that does have the slight advantage that, if I were to read, I could read the same book over and over again, and each time would be like the first. And finally because - what’s the point? What’s the motivation? Nothing’s going to change if I do read. And anyway, it’s such an effort.
Deep down, I know what I’m missing; and it pisses me off. But that’s depression, isn’t it.
I feel for you. I can’t remember when I sat down alone with a book. These days it’s online reading. When I do read a book it’s aloud to my wife who enjoys that sort of thing. After 15-30 minutes my voice gets dry and I have to stop.
Pleasure reading lost its charm long ago. However, dig this, we always use Closed Captions on TV, even though we both have our hearing (for the most part), but it gets bad when the dialog is in a foreign language so that ALL you’re getting is from reading. I have often wondered why people read movies. Wouldn’t the book be easier?
If I had to name the last book I read alone, I’d have to spend quite a while thinking about it. It would have to have been years ago.
Do you have enough money to buy a new book? Maybe a trip to the book store can cheer you up a bit. I’ve been too depressed to re-read an old book, but a new one is hard to resist.
Been there. It is sad. But in my case it was temporary and only lasted a few months. I started reading books for school aged children, Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Junie B. Jones. Maybe because they were easier to read and reminded me of a happier time in my life.
Sadly, they’re all new. I buy them because they’re hard to resist. Remember that pile of books by my bed?
Good point. I do enjoy gizmos. I hadn’t thought of a Kindle. Except it’s an awful lot of money if all it’s going to do is to join that pile.
I’ve been told that I’m beyond help. I’ve tried almost every antidepressant under the sun, and my last therapist said he didn’t think it was depression but a personality disorder (though my doctor insists it’s depression) and that I am - in his very words - ‘A thoroughly unpleasant person.’
I thought I was reading less because I was doing so much reading online. I had stacks of library books I simply couldn’t seem to get into. But part of it is, my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be and if a book is laborius to read, dozing off isn’t far behind. As most of my books come on loan from the library, I bit the bullet and started looking for the ‘large print’ editions. Bonus: the waiting list for large print is much shorter than for the regular version of a book.
First things first–I’d like to hit your therapist with a stick.
Secondly, I recommend you look around for a therapist who does CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) if you haven’t. In a pinch, there is at least one website as well that walks you through the steps of a typical CBT therapy for depression that was halfway decent for me (having done the real therapy once, YMMV).
Hang in there. I was where you were. Ten years ago this month, almost exactly, I entered treatment for severe depression that got to the point where I half-assed a suicide attempt. Six months after starting therapy I was back in classes. Ten years later? I remember being depressed like it happened to someone else. There is hope.
Hey I feel your pain. I too went through a period when I couldn’t read, but I got through it and am reading as much as ever. Maybe you will also reach the other side of this period. Wow, I’m trying to find a way to cheer you up and all that comes to mind are platitudes. I’m just saying, just because it’s like this today doesn’t guarantee it will be like this tomorrow, k?
Re reading, I know you said you have tried everything, but have you tried mystery novels? For a while those were what I read because they pulled me in and held me and I didn’t have to do much thinking. Anyway good luck because depression is a bitch.
A friend of mine who is a therapist blanched when I related this story to her. She says you should get another therapist right away, and that your therapist should get another job. “You’re an unpleasant person” is NOT something a therapist is ever supposed to say to a patient.
ETA: If your therapist’s judgment about what to say or what not to say is so poor, why should you trust their judgment on some other matter, like whether or not you are an unpleasant person?
I can’t read for fun anymore either. :: sad face :: I’m an editor, so I read all day. By the time I get home, my brain is mush and I can’t concentrate on anything any more difficult than Harry Potter or the Southern Vampire Chronicles.
Sometimes, when I’m on vacation, I can manage to unwind enough to get in some reading, but it can’t be anything I have to think about. If I spot a typo, then I feel like I’m right back on the clock and I have to put the book down and go do something physical with my time instead of sitting on my ass and reading more.
To that end, I sympathize with the OP. Maybe audio books? If you have an MP3 player, you could rip audio CDs to your computer and carry around the MP3 player to listen to the books. Sort of like getting someone to read to you.
When I’m with SAD or anxious, one of the symptoms is that I can’t draw. On one hand, it sucks. On the other, when I find myself doodling again I go “YAY!”
I went through a period of not being able to read books. I’m reading again now, but almost exclusively non-fiction. Fiction just annoys me, for the most part. Oddly enough I can watch movies, which are usually fiction.
Anyway, that might be of help to you: try non fiction. It’s a lot more believable.