I confess, I've a hellion...

In My Humble Opinion
1

Sigh. We have two kids. Nathan Tyler’s 7 and Aaron Xavier’s 2. When Nathan was a toddler, he was an angel; so quiet and polite. When we’d eat at restaurants as a family, people would come up to us and tell us what a darling Nathan was. We could take him anywhere. He could walk along with us without holding a parent’s hand. I won’t discuss his behavior now.

My two year old, however is the complete opposite! We call him a madman! There’s no way on earth we can walk anywhere with him without holding his hand. The minute we let go, he’s off in the other direction. Fast. He loves the sound of his voice when he screams. It’s very loud and very shrill. He especially likes the sound of it when we’re in a public place, say the market or a clothing store. Eating out with Aaron? Ha! Unless it’s a family-oriented restaurant, there’s no way in hell we’re taking him! He throws his food and his sippy-cup. He’s very loud. He’ll squirm when he wants to be let out of his highchair and then there’s the screaming thing. People come up to us, that’s if their not busy giving us dirty looks, and say things like, ‘You’ve got your hands full with that one!” Oh and did I mention he’s a hitter? He hits me, he hits daddy, he hits Nathan and he hits strangers. On several occasions, he’ll hit a passerby when we’re out strolling. When we’re in the market, he’ll hit at least one person from his seat in the cart. He’s only two so he doesn’t do much damage…yet.

When Nathan was Aaron’s age and we’d spot children who behaved like Aaron does now, we’d wonder why the parent couldn’t control their child. How could parents let their children behave like that? In public, no less! The shoes on the other foot now, and it’s not really my style.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Aaron and he’s a lot of fun. Whenever someone sneezes he says, “Bwess You!” Even to strangers. When he hits someone, I make him apologize immediately and he says ‘Sah-eee!” He’s the sweetest when it comes to hugs and kisses. Whenever he asks for something he says, “Peeeeeez!” When he receives it he says, “Sank You!”

So, parents of toddlers, post here about your little, uh, angel.

2

Oh boy, can I ever relate. The Artist Formerly Known As An Only Child (we’ll call him Zack) is an incredibly bright child who has had a mind of his own from the very day he was born. He is now 2 1/2 with a brand new baby brother.

Stubborn and willfull, if he doesn’t like what you’re saying or is “busy”, he’ll ignore you completely. He knows every picture in every book, but won’t say much, maybe a dozen or two single word-sounds. We think he’s about 1 year behind on his language acquisition.

He is great at playing by himself, using his imagination. Of course, I’ve also had to memorize Shrek. He likes to play rough, which Daddy encouraged but now he does it with everybody! He kicked Grandma’s ass the other day with an original wrestling hold!

We are trying to potty train him now, but it’s really hard when he isn’t communicating very much. I’m sure he understands me, but then he won’t cooperate, so maybe he doesn’t understand, or maybe he does, or not, etc etc etc. It’s enough to drive a Mommy mad. Which is, I suppose, the whole point.

This new one will be different, right? Right?

3

A couple book recommendations, if you haven’t read them yet:

Parenting the Fussy Baby and the High Need Child, by William and Martha Sears

Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Both of these books look at the reasons “difficult” children are so difficult, put those differences in a positive light, and have lots of suggestions for channeling that energy in positive ways. I could describe my child as “stubborn” or as “persistent.” The way I choose to look at it can help determine how I deal with it.

Of my 4, my son has been our greatest challenge. He is very sensitive physically-itchy clothes tags, wrinkles in his socks, shoes tied unevenly all drive him batty. Loud noises and crowds are overwhelming. He is also slow to accept change, hates anything unexpected, and finds transitions generally difficult. As a toddler, his method of tantruming was to get on his hands and knees and bang his head on the floor.

There were things we could do, though, that made everyone’s life easier. For instance, I would always tell him ahead of time when we had to go out to run errands. That way, he knew in advance that he would be asked to interrupt his play and was prepared to do so. Then, I would list for him the stores we were going to, and the order in which we would go. Again, having this information helped him feel in control and allowed him to plan ahead, which greatly increased his comfort level and greatly reduced tantrums.

He is 10 now, and while he still has things to work on, we see regular progress. For 4 or 5 years now, he has been able to recognize when a situation (such as a birthday party) is getting too much for him and he will take a short time out if he needs to. He is getting much better at verbalizing his frustrations, which in turn makes it much easier for us to help him.

All in all, it can (and often does) get easier. Our youngest was almost impossibly high need. She needed an incredible amount of physical comfort. I wore her in a sling for 6 months. She refused to play on the floor until she could sit on her own. I can count on one hand the number of nights she spent in her crib.

However, at 3 1/2, she is almost impossibly easy. She is wonderfully self-confident. She plays happily on her own for an hour at a time. She is teaching herself to write. (She sits down with a book as reference and practices making letters and numbers. Her idea, not mine.) She is incredibly loving and caring. I look at my friend’s 3yo (an “easy” baby who napped regularly and slept through the night) tearing around, constantly out of control and into trouble, and think that I got the much better deal!