Were you well behaved as a child?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspired by the recent pit threads about children in public places, I wanted to ask how many of you were well behaved when you were kids.

I don’t get it. I mean, I see it all the time too. Parents with children just running wild and screaming and carrying on. As a non-parent, but someone who has dealt with children a lot, I guess I can understand that there would be circumstances where it was hard to keep control of your child 100% of the time, but still…

When I was a kid, and my mother will back me up on this, I never ever ever acted like that in public, or at home for that matter. Otherwise I would get the ever-living sh*t beat out of me. Made perfect sense… no acting up… no bruises. Be a brat, get a pounding.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not defending that type of parenting… I think physical punishment should be a last resort, and never to the extent at which I got beat… just a spanking or maybe a quick cuff. Still, shouldn’t it be a resort?

So I guess I’m polling for two things:

Physical punishment? Good/Bad/Indifferent? And to what extent?

-and-

Were you a well behaved child, and what did your parents do to keep you in line?

2

I was, for the same reason you were. When it comes right down to it, I don’t think my parents really would have beat me, but I was scared enough of being in trouble that I never tested it. Also, I liked hanging out with my Mom, and wanted to do stuff like go to the store, go out to dinner, etc. and I knew that if I were a pain, I’d be left at home. I had plenty of older siblings to babysit me, so leaving me home was always a possibility.

3

My mom took me everywhere when I was small; my dad was at work all day with an especially long commute, and grandma had a car, so we were all over the place. I’ve asked her about this before, and while I apparently had a reputation for being a real smartass at an early age, she doesn’t recall me throwing tantrums in public (though I did at home-- I’m not making perfect child claims here!).

I don’t know why I didn’t act out that way; my guess is that the times I did get obnoxious I was taken straight home, and I didn’t want to miss out on the cool stuff I got to do if I behaved. My brother Tom, on the other hand, had a talent for throwing world-class tantrums while my mom was grocery shopping with him. She says he could throw himself flat on the floor of the market and, apparently, sprout suction pads that would make him impossible to pick up. She got the evil eye aplenty from other shoppers despite her efforts to scrape him up and quiet him down.

My parents used spanking but sparingly. So sparingly in facct that the only reason I know they did it is because they say so-- I don’t remember being spanked at all. I don’t think a swat on a child’s hand or bottom makes a parent evil.

4

I was such a goody-goody kid, it was sickening. I won’t even pretend to analyze why, but to this day, I feel crummy if I’m called on something. So I’m still pretty much a goody-goody.

As for spanking, my folks did, tho not to extreme, and I don’t think it warped me too much. I never spanked my kid - time-out worked well with her. Then again, she is the Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup]…

5

I did not have great behavior as a kid. I was sulky, sullen, moody, and sarcastic. However, in general, I was not loud, nor did I cause public scenes. I don’t think it ever occurred to me, both because I had a strong suspicion that behavior would result in a spanking, and because I seldom saw other kids do it (probably because they also feared a spanking). So I was a complete brat, but it didn’t seem to infringe on strangers very much.

When I was growing up (in the 1970s) it was not uncommon to leave your child home unattended for an hour or so in the afternoon or on the weekend. When I was sullen, all I really wanted was to stay in my room reading Trixie Belden anyway, so this was a win-win situation. Now, I think most parents would be unwilling to leave a 6 six old home alone, even if just to run out to the grocery store. Perhaps the difference is that more kids find themselves in places they simply don’t want to be, where there is nothing that holds their interest.

I have noticed in a few of the recent pit threads, people have asked (rhetorically) if parents are expected to never leave the house until their kids are in college. To be honest, my parents left the house all the time, they just didn’t take me with them. Now, that would be neglect. Then, I think it was fairly normal. Maybe one of the problems is that views on childrearing have changed, but nothing has changed about shopping and other places of business that accommodates this.

6

As a toddler, I was completely and utterly unbearable. It is some small miracle that my parents didn’t become serious drug abusers in an effort to escape me.

However, as an older child, I was pretty well-behaved. I didn’t like having my parents mad at me. I was good to keep their approval, so I wasn’t obnoxious in public places. In fact, my mom might have emphasized this too much. She often said she didn’t want the neighbors to think we were screaming brats, so if she ever heard screaming outside (even if it wasn’t us) we’d have to come in immediately. So my sister and I tended to police the other kids: “Don’t scream! Stop screaming! I’ll have to go inside! Stop!”

7

Interesting theory. I don’t know if I was left alone as early as six, but certainly by 9 or 10 I’d be left alone during the day if my mother needed to run to the store or something. My twelve year old nephew is left alone all day in the summer when his mother works. Of course, they live in a tiny town, his mother works within walking distance, and all his friends live within walking or biking distance.

8

In public, generally yes. My parents were VERY strict that way, especially in restaurants. We were expected to sit in our chairs and eat politely and speak with the appropriate volume. My parents HATED kids who stood up in booths and peered at other patrons, so we never did that. If we had tried, they would have yanked us back down again. If we were obnoxious and uncontrollable, we left the restaurant. Case closed. They knew that the price of their meal did NOT cover ruining everyone else’s fun night out. If they wanted to go someplace fancy, they hired a sitter. Yes, they rarely went out, but they viewed that as the price of having four kids who were all born within 5 1/2 years of each other.

Mom tried to drop us off at Mothers Morning Out when she needed to run errands, but it wasn’t always possible. We were pretty good in general, but she tended to let us roam a bit in places like supermarkets and department stores. I can remember going to Shop-Rite and heading straight for the back with my sister to stare at the lobster tank while Mom shopped. In Macy’s, we would often climb inside the racks of clothing and pretend they were space ships. But…we knew better than to scream, fight, throw a tantrum, or make a mess in public. We never pulled things off the shelves or off the racks. The rule was “hands to yourself”. We stayed out of the way of other adults. We just knew we’d be sorry if we didn’t. And if Mom said, “We’re leaving,” we knew to follow, because she told us she would just leave us there and we believed her.

I remember that once or twice, she had to take us to a hardware store or to a store with lots of breakable trinkets in it. Before we went in, she would always make us put our hands in our pockets and tuck our elbows in. They weren’t allowed to come out until we left. She explained, “You break it, you buy it.” To a kid who got a buck a week for allowance, and who knew she’d have to work off the overage with extra chores, it worked. And if she told us to be quiet, we were. The hardware stores we went to were NOTHING like Home Depot, though, which scares me now and I’m 24.

I also remember that she told us that if we didn’t stick close to her, we’d get run over and squished by a car in the parking lot. She made us Hold Hands, Watch for Cars Backing Up, and Stay to the Side.

Mom was the kind of mom who let you read the REAL Grimm’s Fairy Tales, where Cindarella’s stepsisters cut off pieces of their feet, not the Disney mushified version. She thought they taught kids that the world could be damn harsh. Of course, she also taught us equally that she would do her damnedest to protect us from it. I think that has a lot to do with why we obeyed her. That and the spankings with her Docksider. :wink:

9

I was a well-behaved kid, mainly because I knew what the consequences were (spanking and. of course, the “This hurts me more than it hurts you” talk. If that’s so, let’s switch places, since I’m the one being punished! :)). By today’s standards, spanking is almost considered child abuse, but without a consequence to suffer if you do wrong, where’s the motivation to do right? (Same principle applies to capital punishment, but we won’t go there now.)

10

Let’s not please, but FTR, I agree.

All of you have varying reasons why you behaved, but the one common thing I hear is, it’s because you were afraid of the consequences of your actions. Now whether those consequences were just leaving or your rags being gotten, I think the fear of that outcome is what’s important.

So, would it be safe to make the generalization that children who act out and are uncontrollable in public constantly, also do not have any reason to be afraid to act that way? Is afraid the wrong word? If it is, do you think fear is the right tactic for parenting?

((I’m admitting my ulterior motive here – One day I’m planning on having a family, and I’d like to go into that as informed as I can be. I know nothing can truly prepare me, but I’m still gonna try.))

11

I should add that we were complete little hellions at home. I think it’s an important point because many parents say, “I just can’t control my kid–other peoples’ kids must just be naturally good.”

We were violent, unruly, and sneaky. We could throw tantrums and be brats and make a mess. But Mom and Dad let us know that while they never condoned that kind of behavior, that we would be sorry as hell if we did it in public.

That said, I don’t remember them ever actually hurting us. Even the spankings weren’t so bad. The worst (best?) punishments we got were the slave labor punishments. My sister Katie helped the neighbor boy pop my bicycle tire once. She had to work off the cost of the new tire by doing extra chores. She got a quarter each time she did a chore. The new tire cost $12.

48 extra chores. She spent her summer weeding the garden and cleaning up the kitchen while we got to go out and play. She never did anything intentionally destructive again. Furthermore, none of the rest of us even tried. Nobody wants to be weeding the garden while their sisters and friends get to play Freeze Tag.

12

I was generally a pretty good (if strange) child as far back as I can remember. I got on well with my older brother, didn’t throw tantrums, and never screamed (I’ve always hated loud noises, even if I’m making them). I was a picky eater, and stubborn about some things, but not enough so to be a real problem. I don’t remember any particular threats of punishment–I guess my imagination just lent itself to things that didn’t get me in trouble. I spent a lot of time daydreaming, or playing games I made up, or reading–quiet, nondestructive pastimes.

The only thing I can think of that might have been annoying is that I talked. Oh, boy, did I talk. I would converse on any subject at any time–at great length. I didn’t interrupt people, but if they gave me an opening, it was Game Over. Fortunately, most people seemed more bemused by the things I talked about (favorite topics included astronomy, archaeology, and history–but I always had something to say about the topic at hand) than annoyed with me. I was also a very sarcastic kid, but a lot of people never noticed–I guess they just weren’t looking for it. My parents thought it was funny.

I’m a little less loquacious now (and much more sarcastic), but I’ll still talk your ears off if you choose to risk a conversation. :smiley:

13

I probably have no right to say this, not being a parent myself, but it is not so much a ‘fear tactic’ if the parent explains what the kid did wrong, why what they did was wrong, and that, although the parent doesn’t want to punish the kid (ie. isn’t doing it for fun), it is necessary to punish the kid so that they understand that there are consequences for their actions. Of course, on the flip side, as a parent, you should remember to reward good actions with good consequences.

14

Me? Well behaved? nah…

I was a hyperactive, destructive lil booger. When I was small I wanted to be anywhere BUT with my parents and would run away at the first opportunity. As a result my mother got a “leash” (which I don’t believe is considered acceptable anymore) and walked me on it for fear that without it I would run away.

As a youngin I destroyed my wallpaper with white-out and my whole bedroom set with a compass. The crowning jewel of my childhood of destructivness was when I was about 6 or so. I took a stick to the family car and scratched caveman like diagrams upon the automobile. Funny thing is that I blocked that out of my mind until recently when my parents told the story to my fiancee.

As far as discipline if I remember correctly my father and mother weren’t above a good spankin but I think that was only as a SMALL child. As I grew up a bit my fathers temper was worse than any spanking he could have ever applied. I did anything I could to avoid seeing him turn bright red and lose his cool. One time I kicked a whole in the wall and about pooped my pants when I heard him coming to see what the noise was.

All in all I would say his pretty effective. I grew up to be a well behaved young man :slight_smile:

15

Yes. Well-behaved. My parents displeasure and disappointment with us if we misbehaved was usually sufficient to prevent further uprisings. Don’t get me wrong - we could be brats, my sister and I, but we also knew there’d be trouble waiting at home if we were.

16

I have this inkling–and I may be wrong, correct me if you think I’m talking out of my ass here-- but when I was a kid, there was a bigger sense of community and joint responsiblity for the welfare and upbringing (both gentle and disciplined) of children. I mean, my friends’ parents looked after me, and my parents looked after my friends. My teachers and my principal were respected authority figures, and if I got in trouble with them there was more trouble at home–not any chance of my mom going into Mama Bear mode and screaming at the teacher. When our neighbors yelled at us for playing in their yard, and my parents told us to stay the hell off their grass (instead of, say, threatening some lawsuit over the yelling for emotional damages to us). In public, strangers talked to us, adults reprimanded us for misbehavior and complimented us for being good without there was being any sense of “it’s my kid, keep away” or “It’s your kid, not my responsibility.” In a sense, we were being raised by everyone, and my parents reinforced that we had a responsibility to the wider world and to meet the expectations of other adults around us, not just theirs. At the same time, we didn’t experience much overt adult hostility about our existence as kids.

I think there has been a subtle shift away from this (both from parents and from other adults), and I believe it contributes to more kids seeming like hellions in public.

That’s my theory, anyway. I don’t express it as well as I’d like, but that the gist of it.

17

I was a well-behaved child and still have lovely manners. My children are well-behaved and I took them everywhere with me, even to the fanciest restaurants, which they still enjoy. High expectations, consistancy AND consideration for your children’s limits can make some wonderfully well-behaved and delightful dinner companions.
As for fear, it keeps us from experiencing a lot of pain. My limits were clearly drawn and consistantly applied, as were my rewards. I knew what would and would not please my parents. They seldom forgot to praise me and they seldom forgot to punish me. I still fear my parents’ displeasure and I still love their praise.

18

I was a chatterbox when I was little (5 and younger), but I can’t recall ever throwing a tantrum. My mom and dad tell me I “Hulked-out” (like the Incredible Hulk when he was changing from human into the Hunk) when I was mad at them, but I never screamed or kicked.

My mom (my dad wasn’t very involved in this aspect of my young life) taught me a great deal about manners and what a lady’s expected to do (most of which I ignore now…I still abide by my manners, though).

After age 5 I pretty much stopped talking until I was 13. I guess I didn’t have much to say, or just didn’t want to share anything (which is still somewhat true today).

I don’t know if I never acted up because I scared of my parents or because it seemed rather futile to do so or both.

My sister was and is a hellion. (She’s 14.) End of story.

19

Yep, to the extent that I scared my parents. As an infant, I almost never cried. Crying in the middle of the night to demand food, clean diapers or a little socializing? Not me. It freaked my father out so much he’d come into my room in the middle of the night and poke me to make sure I was still alive.

Later on, I was still pretty well behaved. I got swatted on the behind occasionally by both parents, but the primary form of discipline was my mother giving me a stern look and saying “that is not how we behave.” Going out with my parents, whether for shopping, dinner, or anything else, was considered a privilege. If I acted up, that priviliege would be revoked instantly (as in leaving restaurants with our food still on the table). Most importantly, they didn’t make idle threats; you’ve heard the old “I’ll turn this car around right now!” ? Well, my parents followed through on it, so I always knew exactly what was tolerated and what wasn’t.

–sublight.

20

About 6-7 years ago I was playing sand volleyball in a public park in Baltimore. A kid, about 8 years old, ran through our game chasing another kid with a 4-iron with murderous intent in his eyes, screaming wildly and clearly out of control. Everyone else playing watched this drama unfold. I grabbed the kid with the golf club and took it away from him, told him he needed to go home and calm down.

About ten minutes later he came back, dragging his mother with him. His mother was a foul-mouthed, venom spewing b*tch who had come to protect her little darling. I calmly explained to her that her son could have hurt another child and as an adult I could not allow this to happen. She continued to rant about how I had abused her child and her husband was a cop and he was going to come and shoot or arrest me if I ever laid a hand on her child again. Whatever. It was hardly a pleasant experience, but I would do it again. But with the current legal climate and the reaction I had to endure I could understand why a lot of people might not.