I went to work out at the YMCA yesterday and brought along my daughters, ages 7 and 9. Kids are allowed to use a couple of low impact pieces of equipment in the gym as long as they go through an orientation with one of the trainers, which they did on our last visit. And, of course, I explained a few things about proper gym behavior, too.
They were supposed to get badges from the front desk, allowing them entrance into the gym area, so I asked the girls to wait in line get them while I went to the dressing room to change. A few minutes later I returned to the front desk to retrieve my progeny and start our workout (starting back on a workout routine, at my age, after a 10 year hiatus :(—not looking forward to the lactic acid soaked muscle aches, let me tell you). Just as the three of us turned from the desk, one of the Y-staff said, “sir, may I have a word with you about your daughters?” I turned to see that the stern request was being uttered by the staff member I generally try to avoid at check-in, the mean librarian looking mistress who wears cateye glasses and never cracks a smile, lest her face crack. I believe this may be her good twin.
“Yes, certainly, is there a problem, ma’am?”, I reply with an insincere smile.
She grabs my left forearm with her left hand.* “You know, a lot of kids come in here and act like they own the place; they tell us that their parents pay for their memberships here and they can use whatever equipment they want; they speak to us rudely and don’t listen when we ask them to comply with the rules.” *
And your damn kids make those hell spawn seem like a gaggle of Shirley Temple characters by comparison—is that the implication?…is that what this scary arm-clenching authoritarian is trying to tell me? I begin to shake my head slowly and look down at my girls. They are wide-eyed and slack jawed, obviously perplexed and nervous about this declaration. I’m getting a little hot around the collar—but, not with regard to the person who seems to be telling me that my kids did something wrong. I have no reason to doubt her veracity, particularly with witnesses all around. No, if she said my kids did something wrong, they most likely did something wrong and that was getting me a little steamed. It wasn’t like them to be rude and respectful; it wasn’t how they were being raised.
The fascist librarian loosens her grip and…actually…begins to smile…and, her face didn’t crack after all. In fact, she started to look pretty nice to me…kinda like this. “I just had to tell you that your kids are absolutely delightful, unusually polite and respectful.” I look down, the girl’s slack jaws tighten and they too begin to smile. *“They let ahead adults in line behind them to check-in before talking with us then sprinkled in lots of ‘please’, ‘may I’s’ and ‘thank you’s’ into the conversation.” *Now, quite relieved, I break out a smile myself. “They proceeded to tell us all the rules they had to follow here, including some we don’t even have.”
A male staff member chirps in, “yeah, the little one said that they would get off any equipment if it looked like a grownup wanted to use it. I told her that wasn’t a rule, but maybe we should make it one.”
Somewhat embarrassed, but quite proud, I tell them that it was very kind for them to relate that story to me and that I was indeed raising my children to respect others, be polite and use good manners—it’s what being part of a good society should be all about.
What saddens me is that my daughters’ behavior was deemed so unusual it garnered special mention. Good behavior should be the norm, not the exception, particularly with kids. Why are so many kids not instilled with proper rules of acceptable behavior today? Perhaps it’s partly due to lazy parenting, but, I believe it mostly has to do with wanting the best for ones kids, and thinking—erroneously—that giving them carte blanche with their behavior gives their esteem a boost and makes them happy in the short run, ipso facto it must be good for them in the long run. It’s not, IMHO, just the opposite, in fact.
I have no formal training in child psychology, but I have a lot of relevant life experience and observation with regard to child rearing. I also pay particular attention to rearing methods used on great and/or notorious figures throughout history, as an avid reader of biographies. While, excessively harsh child rearing methods, as were common in certain times and places, certainly have deleterious effects on the psyches of the recipients, excessively permissive methods, more common today, lead to equally deleterious effects.
Example: I’m convinced this is why many of the most successful big business owners/founders quite often go outside the family to populate their board of directors in subsequent generations: they often coddle and spoil their children because they can afford to, then realize when they’ve grown that they are in no way fit or have the temperament to run a business properly and will likely run it into the ground. So, in this case, who’s happier in the long run, the parent/founder or the coddled/slacker child? Too many people just don’t seem to get it. Spoiled kids typically don’t make happy adults.
This is no indictment on the child rearing methods used by SDMB members. As enlightened beings, you no doubt raise your children to be respectful, polite, inspired, productive…and ultimately happy individuals 
. This is for all the other bozo parents out there. While your children and mine may someday work at a McDonalds, yours will more likely be manning the fryer while mine will own the franchise.
After our workout at the Y, walking past the front desk, Sexy Librarian said, “you should buy your kids a nice treat for being so sweet.”
I replied, “they can buy their own treats from their allowance after doing their chores.” She smiled that sexy smile again…
