Were you well behaved as a child?

In My Humble Opinion
21

I was the quiet, well-behaved kid that started my parents down the slippery slope of reckless procreation. Unfortunately for them, my 3 brothers were nothing like me. Dad says that our personalities were in evidence from the minute we were born. If you told me no, I would cry, but obey. My little brother would just keep going and had to be grabbed.

But I think the point about things being a little different in the 70’s is pretty valid. By the time I was 10, I was staying home with my brothers and watching them for short periods of time.

We never went out to dinner either. Taking 4 kids out, even to fast food, was just too expensive, and I can remember both times we did it. So my folks always got babysitters and didn’t take us. (As a result, I thought Sizzler was fancy stuff until I got to college.)

I can remember how much I liked hiding in racks of clothing at the dept. store. Mom let me do it; I don’t know if that’s good or bad. I don’t think I ever made messes. My brother liked to jump up next to the mannequins and pretend to be one, too. It only worked once because he was usually wearing a ratty old Yoda shirt, but that one success kept him at it for years.

22

In public, I was an angel: intelligent, well-mannered, nicely groomed, bipedal, the whole shebang.

With family, I was a handful and then some. I was always the kid who’d jerk away from whoever was holding my hand and dart into oncoming traffic. I hid in those circular clothing racks while the parent was shopping. I said NO. Then, I started developing serious bipolar symptoms around the time I went to kindergarten, and things went downhill from there. No one could predict how I’d behave from one moment to the next, and it drove my family batty that all the worst of it came out when I was home with them. I was constantly getting hurt, due to my own behavior and that of others. When we went to the ER after I threw myself down a flight of stairs, the docs told my mom to “watch her.” Apparently at the tender age of 9, I was at risk for suicide.

And don’t get me started on having been a teenager. Egads!

23

We were very well-behaved. I don’t know what our parents did, but whatever it was, they did it before we were old enough to try to rebel. I think that’s the secret. I never would have dreamed of making either of my parents angry, at home or in public.

It didn’t warp me, either. I’m not timid, shy, or easily intimidated.

Well-behaved kids are so rare nowadays that I’ve actually had tears come to my eyes when a child has exhibited good manners.

24

I was a good kid, I think I acted up maybe once in my entire life. My mom took that opportunity to snatch me by the collar, tote me off to the car, and very sternly explain to me that screaming and throwing a fit would not be tolerated in public, or you would not leave the house. Never spanked, just psychological intimidation.
You just were not a bad kid in public, or ever. I remember my parents getting hundreds of compliments on how well behaved me and my sister were, and right across the restaurant would be someone going, “Taylor, get over here. Taylor, now. Taylor, I’m going to count to three, one, two, Taylor please get over here now. No, don’t climb over the booths. Those people want to eat by themselves. No Taylor, sit down.” And in the mean time the kid is going AWOL doing whatever she wants, tripping waiters and pulling food from other people’s plates and the parents just make a half-assed attempt at controlling her. “Oh that Taylor, she sure is a handfull.” Yeah? How exactly would you know Mr. and Mrs. New Age Parents, you’ve got your hands in your pockets twiddling your thumbs instead of taking care of your f*cking kid.
You do not act out in public, and that is that. If you can’t control your kids, they do not know who is the boss in your household.

25

I was a great kid. Hell, I’m a great guy, too. Worship me. :smiley:

26

Yes. I can remember the neighbor lady whipping my butt for playing in the street, telling my mother when her son and I stole food out of her refrigerator, and coming down on me like a ton of bricks when I dared to contradict her like a little smarty-pants. (How was I supposed to know those deviled eggs were for a party? And my mom said a tomato was a vegetable–how was I supposed to know she was right–that it was really a fruit?)

We played in all of the yards up and down the block, and usually the woman of the house would come out when she saw us and say, “You can play here, but watch out for the jagged nails on the back fence (or, stay away from the swimming pool), and make sure your mothers know where you are.” Half the time, they’d call our moms anyway, just to be sure.

These days, we’d have been thrown out as trespassers who were a potential liability risk, and my mother would have had the neighbor lady carted away for child abuse after that ass-whooping.

27

CrankyAsAnOldMan, ShibbOleth and Q.N. Jones have hit the nail on the head. We as adults are too permissive, too apathetic and too afraid of kids and their parents. I grew up in the 50’s and there was nothing worse than someone saying “I’m going to call your folks”. There was no doubt in my mind that it was bad news and they knew that my folks would not get mad. It wasn’t that my folks wouldn’t support me if I was being falsely accused, but lets face it how often does that happen? There were bad kids but they had a much rougher time, because adults were not afraid to get involved. My wife and I raised 5 children and my folks never could understand why our kids did some of the things they did. Well, it was because the other kids were doing even more unbelievable things. Our last daughter was very fond of saying that I was infringing on her “rights”. I can’t imagine saying that to my mother or father, although for a second it might have astonished them into momentary inaction. She would also run away and tell folks that I was abusing her. It is truly a whole different world and I wonder what my grandchildren will be like. All of our kids turned out fine, but I’m wondering what their kids will have to come up with to shock them.

28

I agree that there seems to be a lot less discipline of childrens’ public behavior these days. But then I’ve also been living in LA County the past decade and there is a high Latino population here, and I’ve noticed in general, Latin American parents are a lot more tolerant of noise and horseplay. I’m not saying that is wrong, just that they have different standards of behavior than my parents had.

So it does get on my nerves sometimes.

Generally, though, I think we’re seeing a lot more problems than benefits in society from the new attitude condemning corporal punishment by parents. To effectively discipline a child, one must carry out any threats of punishment one makes, or else the child soon learns that misbehavior carries no consequences. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to punish a child except with a spanking, but it’s certainly less efficient, and it requires imagination and resourcefulness that is frequntly beyond the abilities of some individual parents.

And as for community upbringing, hell yea, that’s the way I was raised too. My mom was a single (white) parent living in a black neighborhood in the South, and we and the neighbors all looked out for one another. Including watching over and disciplining the children. We all knew any one of the parents had a license to take a switch to our asses if we got out of hand. And you know, I haven’t been there in almost 30 years but I wouldn’t be suprised if that hasn’t changed.

But I was generally a good kid. I learned to read at the age of 3 and spent a lot of time doing that. If my mom needed to run errands, she could leave me in the car or in a corner of the store with a comic book and I’d be there when she got back.

When I misbehaved, it was generally tagging along with others. (Not always, I wasn’t an angel.) My mom was very strict about our behavior in public and we were expected to display manners. She made it clear that our behavior reflected upon her, and that if we made her look bad, we’d be sorry. My sister was a little hellion, though. Stubborn, confrontational, and prone to throwing all-out tantrums. (She’s getting her payback now, with a 2-year old girl as stubborn and fitful as she was.)

And Mom had a few tricks, too, to inflict pain upon us in ways that didn’t look like she was doing anything. Her favorite was to grab our forearm and dig her nails into the soft part on the inside of the arm. It wouldn’t break the skin, but it would hurt. If we screamed and brought attention to ourselves, it would just look like we were being brats. And it allowed a firm grip so we couldn’t pull away, or she could drag us out of trouble. In retrospect, it was brilliant.

Hehe, my new sig is especially appropriate for this thread. :smiley:

29

When she was good, she was very VERY good
And when she was bad she was HORRID.

That describes me-but I learned early on that the horrid was NOT to come out in public, and (according to my mother), it came out less and less at home once I hit about 4 years old. The biggest problems were the fights between me and my older brothers. We mostly grew out of that, though we still fight at times. It’s just verbal sparring now that we’re older.

30

I was a very good child. I tended to the grumpy side when awakened and hurried in the mornings but wouldn’t dare have misbehaved in public.

Both of my sons were well behaved. One was a good deal more quietly compliant than the other. However we always quickly went over behavior rules right before we went into a store, restaurant or someones home just as we were getting out of the car. It reminded them what we expected and set the tone if we did the reminders cheerfully. Seemed to work for us. YMMV

A

31

I was a pretty good kid. A tad michevious at times, but who isn’t? I always did what my parents said, or I knew I would really get it. What amazes me is when is see a kid talk back to their parents, or say “Shut up!” to them. I only said “shut up” once to my parents. Just once. And they they smacked me, really hard. It was the only time they ever laid a hand on me, ever. Needless to say, I never, ever talked back again.

32

No, and I don’t behave THAT well now either.

33

I’m not even that old - I’m 29 - and I was a much, much better behaved kid than most kids I see now. When I was three or four I went through a phase of temper tantrums in malls; apparently this phase only lasted two tantrums, as I was spanked for it. Beyond that, I was a good kid. I was NAUGHTY sometimes, but never rude or disruptive.

And to swear, or talk back to my parents? Good Lord God, no. NEVER. My parents weren’t tough or mean; I had a lot of freedom and a lot of fun around the house, I was materially spoiled, never pushed to do something I didn’t want to do, and they didn’t like imposing arbitrary rules, but to tell them to shut up… no, that would not have been acceptable. No indeedy. The punishment would have been swift and severe. A few posters on the board have mentioned stories where their kids told them to shut up or fuck off or whatever. I would not have dreamt of speaking in such a manner to my parents.

Now, to be fair;

  • My sister, same parents and all, was a brattier kid than I was. (This isn’t just me talking, it’s the consensus of everyone.) She still wasn’t really that bad, though.

  • I DO know kids who are really good now. Mrs. RickJay’s little sisters are only 15 and 13 now, and for all the years I’ve known them they have been the best-behaved children I have ever seen. It is worth noting that they have had a difficult childhood; their parents divorced, Mrs. RickJay’s mother was neglectful and ended up killing herself. But their father doesn’t tolerate bullshit. They have lots of freedom and few arbitrary rules; they just aren’t allowed to be disrespectful or rude.

My perception now is that many parents have adopted an “ignore the kid when s/he acts up” philosophy, which baffles me, but IANAP.

34

My brother and I were so well behaved that complete strangers would frequently walk up to our parents and comment on it. It wasn’t as if we were scared to act up, since we weren’t hit, but…I honestly don’t think it ever occured to us that one would misbehave in public. Our parents were * very* big on politeness, so we both were trained to say “please” and “thank” you as soon as we could talk- so early that neither of us can remember being prompted to do so. Ever. According to my mother, neither of us threw a tantrum in public more than once in our lives. I guess if the guidelines on how you’re supposed to act are throughly ingrained in you as toddlers, you don’t think to question it. We occasionally misbehaved at home, to be sure, but not in public, and not when we were at a sitter’s or with anyone else who wasn’t our parents.

35

I was perfect. My parents did not even need to raise a threat of a threat of a spanking. I behaved because I cared what they thought of me.

I am blamed for fooling my parents into thinking their future children be like me. The twins are almost 15 now, and while they’re not felons or anything, they could never have been called well-behaved. They have never cared what our parents thought of them.

36

Maybe we have some selective memories going here. I’m not that experienced of a parent, but all kids seem to have bad moments in public. This is not to say that they are generally well behaved or not well behaved. I believe all of us posting on this thread had some pretty nasty moments in public, but maybe not as bad as the other kids out there.

My father was a minister, and I certainly had some pretty high standards of public behavior to live up to. And I think I generally did, but I’m sure there were times I don’t remember where I was a perfect hellion.

The Chinese certainly seem a lot more tolerant of children behaving as well children. Being loud, running around, wanting to be the center of attention. Different culture. When is it infringing on the rights of kids to act like kids, and when is allowing kids to act overly rambunctious in public crossing into socially inacceptable behavior? I believe it is a shifting grey area.

Just spent a month travelling in the US with a 14 month old. I have to admit I was a little paranoid about taking her to restaurants after reading these boards. She wasn’t an angel all the time, but plenty of people commented on how well behaved she was and no one was offended enough to comment to me. So, Mommy, Daddy and bambina must be doing something right.

37

Hmmm…Well it appears my experience was atypical of the general trend here. I was a well-behaved child ( a quick call confirms, that yes, in general my parents agree :smiley: ), by and large. Certainly a quiet, mannerly one in public ( though I imagine there were exceptions - there always is ). My parents were permissive in a very mild way ( they weren’t sticklers about keeping your elbows off the table, that sort of thing ) and completely non-punitive. I was never struck, nor threatened with being struck. I very much respected my parents, but I don’t recall ever actually fearing them. Punishment for me ( which generally came as a result of not doing tasks - I was lazy and still am :wink: ), was being deprived of stuff. By the by, I was born in 1968 ( and no, the folks were not hippies :smiley: ), both my folks worked, they divorced when I was about eight, and I was a latch-key kid ( quite happily, I might add ) with a fair bit of responsibility at an early age.

So perhaps I’m the exception that proves the rule, but I’m not entirely sure I agree with the idea that the decline of corporeal punishment is the cause of our current child-rearing woes. Frankly I’m largely against it, though I would never argue that a little spat on the behind in the proper context is child abuse. If I had to guess, I would say the problems people are observing may have a lot more to do with the increasing pace and demand of modern living. shrug But that’s very much IMHO.

  • Tamerlane
38

Yes I was well-behaved. I know I was quite a chatterbox at home, but I was very, um, docile in public. I was a shy child and didn’t want to attract attention.

I was spanked only once in my life, when I wet the bed at age five. My parents were firm but consistent, and very patient. I honestly don’t think I had many temper tantrums (after toddlerhood, anyway), and they were probably more the “I’m overtired” kind. My dad would just take me outside the restaurant or whatever until I calmed down.

They really led by example. They didn’t do things like getting (obviously) angry or complaining about bad service (the most my dad would do is to leave a small tip if he thought the service was bad) - it would have been beneath their dignity, I think - and my younger brother and I grew up to follow their lead. I don’t really remember how we were disciplined, just that we knew there were certain standards. If we acted up, we would be scolded and told the right way to behave.

I wonder if it’s a personality thing. I don’t have the beans to keep testing the limits - I don’t have that “I dare ya” thing in my personality. If my mom or dad told me to stop doing something, I stopped. I wonder if it’s a birth order thing (I’m the first-born). I wonder if it’s a gender thing (I’m female). My younger brother was more daring and played the fool much more than I ever could have.

39

My Mother used to say “Be good and behave.”
I knew the word good and thought that behave was 2 words. I would reply " I am being have!"
I still try to be have. :slight_smile:

40

I was moderately well-behaved as a child. I was a terror to my brother surtout, but in general I didn’t give my parents grief. I certainly didn’t throw tantrums in public, or anywhere else. I just didn’t feel like it.