When people ask me what I do in terms of a job, and I mention I am a substitute teacher, many people tell me, “Oh, I could never do that!”.
Half of me takes this as a compliment, feeling that they are confessing that I have more patience than them, and I can keep it together in a situation that would drive them to tears.
But another half of me feels that this is a thinly-veiled insult, and that they are really saying, “You are a doormat for tolerating such a job and I pity you”
I don’t know, I guess I’m a little defensive about it. Many people have admitted to me that they feel that subbing is hard in terms of patience, and few people would admit to being willing to try it/kept at it for very long. But I would feel like a fool if I learned that the real reason for this is because I’m the only one on the planet willing to settle for something so stressful. Granted, I am looking for other jobs, so its not like I think being a substitute teacher is the best thing I can do, but at the same time I take pride in myself in trying to do my job well, and have it be a learning experience for myself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, if I said that to any teacher (not that I would), it would be in the first sense.
However, they may be thinking back to some of the lame subs they had in school and the hard time they were given by the classes. You seem like you actually take the job seriously.
That’s what I mean when I tell someone I couldn’t do their job, and I mean it as a compliment. I work directly with aspiring CNAs and LPNs and often try to compliment them for taking on a (what I perceive as difficult) job.
OTOH, when I’ve received that comment, I’ve had the doormat feeling too.
It could simply be a statement of fact. There are a million reasons that a person “could not do” what another person does. I have a friend who could never work a desk job. It’s not her bag.
I could never be a ditch digger. I’m simply not strong enough. It is not a statement of the worth of the work, but a statement of ability.
The majority of the time “I can’t imagine”, “I could never do that” and “It’s just not meeee!” are on the boundary line between the world of thinly veiled insults and thinly veiled judgments on your life. Occasionally they stir me up but I think “Because you’re not capable” and move on.
it is kind of an annoying one, though. People say it all the time to me with regard to being a vegetarian (usually like, “oooh, I could never do that. I NEEEEEED meat.” or “I could never do that. I love hot dogs too much.”) and it’s… annoying.
but the general meaning behind it, I think, it usually “you have more patience/willpower/courage/whatever than I do, and, although I’m not really all that interested in trying to build or use my patience/willpower/courage/whatever, I think it’s kind of cool that you have.”
I say “I could never do that” all the time. To many different career paths. I am in no way saying that I think the person is a doormat.
Usually I am not really saying “You have the courage of a thousand lions” either. I wouldn’t even say it is in between. Typically all I am saying is that I don’t find that sort of work bearable, but I am not a fool to think that others hate everything I hate.
For example, I started college to be a Pharmacist and worked in a Pharmacy as a tech for a year before I realized it wasn’t for me. I hated the job and switched majors, quit my job and vowed never to return. And I won’t. In no way shape or form does that translate into “Pharmacists and their Techs are doormats.” They just obviously have skills and preferences different than my own.
I say it is neither complement nor insult. I think it is just a statement of their preferences.
I hate yard work, and would much rather pay somebody to do it (could I afford it). Yet some people spend hours and hours with their yard and garden. I’m not saying anything about their character by saying “I couldn’t do that.” I am just saying that I do not ever wish to do that, can I help it.
I do counted cross stitch. Every now and then, someone sees me doing counted cross stitch, or sees a baby bib or a bookmark which I have stitched and says “I could never do that” (sometimes ending with “I don’t have the patience”). Usually, I believe it to be intended as a compliment, and I accept it graciously. Sometimes, though, I want to say “yes, you could, you just don’t want to, it’s not that difficult or time consuming”
I take it as a compliment. I’m pretty sure that I’ve said it in the past. To me it’s a way of saying that I don’t possess the skills/patience/intelligence/etc to do what you do.
“If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank an English teacher.”
I do it too, and people tend to say it in a few different tones:
“Oh, wow, I can’t believe anyone under the age of 60 can do more than dress themselves!” (I’m 24, and most people with this tone are above the age of 60 and incredulous that I cross stitch without a hoop.)
“Oh, wow, I can’t believe that you can do something so boring and tedious for so long!”
“Oh, wow, I could poke my eye out with the needle before I got that down!”
Yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel when people say that, though it’s not generally about the cross-stitching (which I also do, and also without a hoop, it’s easier).
It is meant to be a compliment, and I know it must have come out of my mouth too, but it also annoys me a bit.