Does anyone else hate it when they’re complimented on something that they don’t like, or seems to them to be obviously bad?
For example, a bit ago someone said to me “I like your hair, it looks fun.” Now, at the time my hair had been uncut for around 8 or 9 months and I had not combed it that day. I would think that it would be quite obvious that my hair was about the worst thing someone could pick to compliment me on.
Similarly, I don’t like it when people say something I’ve done is good, if I don’t think that it’s a job worthy of praise.
Currently I’m stuck doing mindless, boring stuff at my job, and I’ve got not one, but two colleagues who constantly tell me that I am “The best!” and “You rock, dude!” Maybe they’re trying to be nice, but this is something a monkey could do. Telling me I rock at something stupid several times a day somehow isn’t helping my motivation. With more of a spine I’d tell them to just cut it out, but I just weakly respond “No, YOU guys rock!” back. It’s getting tedious, and it seems condescending to me.
You’re of course free to like or not like any compliment you get – but I hope you’re not so rude as to “correct” the person who compliments you. A compliment is a gift, and you should accept it gracefully.
I don’t know if you’re male or female, but in my experience men and women have completely different ideas about what looks good when it comes to hair. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told a woman that I like what she’s done with her hair, only to be told, “Oh, I didn’t have time to fix it/curl it/straighten it/put it up today.” And I think to myself, “Well, good. This looks better.” Which just proves to me that women get dressed up, or style their hair, or get boob jobs for other women, not for men. So I hope they don’t think I’m complimenting them for something “bad”, because I don’t usually hand out a compliment unless I mean it.
I’m afraid I’m guilty of this, but I have my reasons. I’ve been in my line of work (restaurants) for almost 24 years, and now, at my current job, I find myself working with a bunch people who weren’t even born yet when I started in the business. Getting these “kids” to do the simplest, most obvious things the right way is an exercise in futility, because so many of them look at tasks with a mindset of “What’s easiest for me right at this moment?”, and don’t have the experience to realize that doing what’s easiest right now leads to more work in the long run (and also makes my job a hell of a lot more difficult). I spent the better part of a year bitching at them to do things a certain way, and trying to explain the above concept, and it just wasn’t getting through to most of them. Negative reinforcement wasn’t working (never mind the fact that I also have no official authority to enforce the things I’m trying to get across). And it doesn’t help when I explain it to one of them and they seem to understand, and then while I’m talking to them a more senior employee comes up and does it wrong.
However, there are a few of these “kids” who have figured out what I’m talking about, particularly the fact that what I’m asking of them requires no more effort than the “wrong” way. These few do it “right”, and I’ve taken to sincerely thanking and complimenting them for it. This has led to them doing it “right” even more consistently, and it seems to be rubbing off on the others.
My supervisor is like this. I remember one time she came in and her hair looked GREAT. Her hair is a little past shoulder length and it had these really nice medium curls and I told her I thought it looked wonderful. She said that was her natural style and she was surprised that anyone liked it. I think it looks a lot better then when she straightens it, but sadly she still does that most of the time.
Ladies, here’s a note for you. Just because you put extra work into your hair does not mean it will be better! Sometimes natural is the best.
Well, I don’t like insincere compliments. A compliment that my hair looks “fun” would probably strike me at best as insincere and at worst as bitchy (if I thought an insult was implied).
But if the compliment is sincere then I don’t think it should be devalued just because I personally don’t think whatever I did was any big deal.
I think that some of these (hair/makeup/clothing) compliments are attempts to justify obvious stares. In all reality, they are probably thinking, “god, he really could’ve washed his hair,” but now you’ve seen them looking and of course they’d never be so rude as to needlessly insult you… thus, your hair is “fun”.
I am appreciative of any compliment, as long as I don’t think I’m being mocked. Where compliments are concerned, the intent of the speaker matters to me much more than the petty matter of whether I agree or disagree with the sentiment being expressed.
Even backhanded compliments (such as “You look great, for a woman of your age”) are sometimes heartfelt. Some people just aren’t very good at phrasing praise. If the person giving the compliments means well, I’m happy that someone is trying to say something nice.
I’ve had a young guy (in his 20s) say to me, “I like older women,” meaning me. I’m 33! That sort of thing is baffling and amusing to me. I always tell them, “Honey, don’t ever use the word ‘old’ in describing or giving compliment to a woman, no matter how old you think they are.” I figure they need to learn that lesson somehow, better from someone who isn’t actually going to get angry about the comment.
me too! I know rationally that they probably actually mean exactly what they’re saying and that I DO look healthier than I used to, but it’s really just a nice way of saying I’ve gained weight.
Aside from that- I actually like it if someone compliments something unexpected and they seem sincere. If it’s something I hate, it makes me feel a little less bad about it for a while. If it’s something I never noticed, it means I might notice it next time I look in the mirror and go, “oh wow, I guess I DO have nice eyebrows.”
But of course… I’m trying to learn to be more graceful about taking compliments, so my response is usually “really? thanks!” or, if I REALLY disagree, “aw, you’re nice. thank you.”
… the one that I’m never sure how to respond to is when people compliment me by comparing me to themselves. Like, “gosh, I wish I were as smart as you” … what am I supposed to say to that?
I hate being complimented for something that I don’t think I put in 100% on - but that’s got more to do with my feeling guilty than with the insincerity or bitchiness of the person giving the compliment.
On the other hand, I’ve worked in several jobs which had a large amount of ‘mundane’ work required, that although basic and boring (for example, checking large lists of numbers for accuracy), had to be done completely correctly for me to be able to do my work. I always made it a point of giving out compliments when it was done right, and I’d hate to think that I seemed condescending.
