There is this woman I know, we have been talking and being flirty and whatnot. She sometimes exerts a lot of effort on her hair, but on days when she is rushed she just puts it in a bun. However the bun actually looks better, so recently when I saw her with her hair not done up I complimented her and told her it looks better that way.
If a guy gives you a legitimate compliment telling you you look better when you do something that you think is the opposite of ‘done up’ how do you take it? Do you feel upset because you feel people don’t appreciate the work you put into yourself, or do you feel like people like the more natural look?
I would have said it looks nice or I like the way it looks. I would not have said it looks better unless I was specifically asked for the comparison, because that implies that the other way looks bad. No need to open the door to the listener’s possible perception of an unspoken criticism.
Not this gal. I always appreciate any genuine compliment - even if it’s awkward - as long as it’s sincerely meant. In our politically-correct world, compliments are becoming rare, so if I get one, I enjoy it. I’m an athletic woman, and probably do look my best when my hair has its natural wave, my makeup is light to non-existent, and I’m wearing casual comfortable clothes. So, at least as far as I’m concerned, if someone tells me I look better in my gym shorts than in my Chanel skirts, I’m good with that. They are probably right.
I generally don’t like when people compliment my appearance, which I am told is unusual. I just think it’s a ridiculous thing to comment on, plus it’s not like I have any control over what I look like. So I do appreciate if I do something extra, like give a shit about my hair or put on bolder makeup and someone compliments me on that.
When someone compliments me on less effort (which is hard to do, ha!) I actually think it’s funny. A dude I know recently told me I looked great when my hair was pulled back in this hot mess, and I was wearing an old-ass tee shirt that I wouldn’t wear outside, plus yoga pants. I’m like “Really, you like this hot mess?” Okay…
She’s just going to think you prefer a more casual look, for hair and makeup, that’s all.
She didn’t just roll out of bed after all, she did comb it and put it up. It might be simple but she obviously feels it is at least acceptable, or she wouldn’t be looking that way when out and about in the world.
I’m OK with being complimented for something I’ve done, but not so much over something I can’t control. For example, if you admire my hairstyle, I’ll thank you. If you comment on the color of my eyes, since I had nothing to do with that, I feel compelled to make a wise-ass comment. Irrational, perhaps, but I’m not comfortable taking credit for something I didn’t do.
I’ll assume that if you compliment my clothing, you’re remarking on my taste and style rather than on someone else’s workmanship. Maybe it’s just safer if you gaze at me in awe and let me draw my own conclusions.
There’s an easy workaround when someone compliments your eye color or height or hair color (if it is indeed your hair color lol). Just say “Thanks, I’m glad you like it!” or “Thanks! I feel very blessed to be tall.” (I’m tall - can you guess? )
I am really committed to the idea that we need to bring back compliments as a way of being kind to one another in a very indifferent world. I can still remember my boys practicing their first attempts at complimenting a girl they liked - how difficult it was for them and how absolutely over the moon they were if they got a pleased response from the girl. I’m sure the girls were just as thrilled. I think this is worth keeping and promoting.
Now that I’ve said my piece, I’ll just stand here and gaze at FairyChatMom in awe!
Sorry! It just feels weird. Don’t tell me I’m pretty. Laugh at my jokes or something and then I’ll like you. Or compliment the scarf I knitted because this shit pattern was confusing and I’m glad I figured it out and it looks nice.
I appreciate any compliments and just take them at face value. And as I’ve learned, all that’s necessary in return is a thanks. So, I don’t try to take unnecessary credit, but I do want others to know I’m blessed by their kind words.
LOL. Okay, not that lazy. I wear only foundation and lipstick most days, and I never put product in my hair, I consider that pretty lazy by standard female behavioral norms, but not exactly slovenly.
Seriously, though, I enjoy compliments. Both giving and receiving. I agree with stillownedbysetters, it makes for a better world. I don’t think I mind whether it’s something I can control or not, but I’m not 100% convinced free will is a real thing anyway. Could be that eye color and intelligence and how kind we are is all the same biologically predetermined stuff.
I always feel a little uncomfortable getting compliments about my appearance (or, hell, anything else, for that matter!), but I appreciate people for being pleasant with me, so I always say, “Thanks for the compliment, that’s very sweet of you.”
I never make any effort about my appearance. When I get compliments I smile and say thank you.
However, telling someone their hair looks better that way is not really a compliment, it’s kind of a put-down. You just told her she often looks terrible.
For example, I am tall and muscular. I have been complimented on both. I can’t control the tall, and the muscular is mostly genetic (I haven’t worked out in years and when I did I easily built muscle and held onto it with little effort). I don’t consider either to be under my control (I’ve known men who worked at it who were not as muscular as I am, as I said it is mostly genetic) but I don’t consider a compliment about either to be any different than a compliment about something I can control.
The only thing that has thrown me is some of the stuff women compliment me about. I’ve had women compliment me on having broad shoulders or a thick chest, which I can understand. But I’ve had at least 2 women compliment me on having muscular calves, which I really didn’t understand that that was a thing. It is like being complimented on your wrist or on your earlobes. When women compliment me on something that I never considered to be attractive or a ‘selling point’ that throws me for a loop.
I think most people prefer the more natural look. I’ve been hit on a lot more often when I’m clomping around in work boots and baggy cargo pants after forgetting to brush my hair than when I’ve made an effort to look vaguely presentable. This of course does not motivate me to make a greater effort to look presentable.
One day, early in our marriage as we were driving somewhere, I looked over and suddenly really noticed my husband’s forearms. There was something about the shape and his posture and the light that all combined to make me notice how sexy his forearms were. I can’t describe it any better than that, and it’s not like I’m obsessed with forearms. But it was a moment in time that really stuck with me, even now, 30 years later.
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