You utter bastards. Some one will pay for this. There may be some lies that are acceptable in certain circumstances. This is clearly not one of those.
The Y2K craze gave us some good things. One of my favorites is the eternal flashlight. No bulb, just a light emitting diode. No batteries, just a cylindrical magnet, a coil of wire and a lot of shaking. I’ve wanted an eternal flashlight for years. But, I cannot bring myself to pay for one.
So, when I saw an eternal flashlight at a dollar store I was thrilled. Oh, I was suspicious. But, there was the magnet, the coil, the bumpers. I examined the box as best I could. I paid my dollar (plus tax).
On the ride home, I removed the flashlight. The picture on the box was accurate. I shook it and pressed the switch. There was a glorious blue white light. And I saw the light. And it was good.
At home, I wondered where I could safely store the flashlight. I began to wonder how far outside the plastic tube the magnet’s field extended. Initial tests showed that it did not reach outside the tube. The ‘magnet’ also did not react to a very strong known magnet. I disassembled the flaslight and performed the ultimate test. The supposed magnet did not stick to my refrigerator door.
On further inspection, the wire coil in the flashlight was not connected to anything. Two fine leads led only to a piece of tape. I removed a small bit of the wire, wanting to see its properties in hopes that I could turn the flashlight into a true eternal flashlight. The multimeter rated its resistance at infinity. I tested a few other items to be sure my meter was properly calibrated. The wire did not conduct electricity. I performed the final test. I chewed upon the wire. I tasted plastic.
You lying bastards! A light emitting diode, two wafer batteries, and a plastic lens all for a dollar seven is still a bargain. But, you did not promise me the lamp of wisdom. Oh no, you swore to give to me a light that would be an eternal beacon to the glory of science! You swore to give me a copper coil, not some plastic string! I demand an eternal flashlight! I demand vengance! I demand the guilty party be delivered unto me so that I can do terrible things to them with induction coils, electrodes, and make them chew on aluminum foil! Your dog is safe, but I’ll put some serious electrical burns on you.