I did the nice thing, but now I need new pants, almost.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, I’m doing some various chore-like things around the house a few minutes ago, and I see my girl kitty Noel sitting on the floor, staring at something. Since she usually doesn’t do this, I check it out. She is staring a spider. Not really just a spider, but a SPIDER. I am talking tarantulasaurus rex here. Big. Bigspider.

I’m not really a big fan of spiders. No, not at all. I mean, they can do their thing, and that’s okay, but not anywhere near me, thankyouverymuch.

So there’s this big spider. On the floor. In my room. Where I’ll be sleeping several hours from now. He could make it to the bed in probably 10 giant jumps of his long, hairy legs. So, he’s got to go.

I don’t reallywant to step on this spider. I mean, I have a big foot and all. I could cover him. But the mess, ugh. I’d have to grind my foot in to kill him. Ick. Then I’d have to clean it up so the cats wouldn’t stalk, or shudder play with the dead body.

And, a spider that big could kill a lot of bugs. Which I hate worse than spiders. Well, sort of. Actually, it’s a tie. But, most bugs that wind up indoors perform no services I’m interested in.

So, Mr. Spider needs to go outside. And I’ve got to help.

I get a really big plastic cup. And I poke around to find some stiff paper. I get it all, and approach the spider. Noel is still standing guard over him, what a sweet, brave little girl.

Clomp! I slam the cup, open end down, over the spider. Then I really carefully sliiiiiide the papers under the cup. Now for the big move. I flip the cup up, and over. I hear a thunk as the spider hits the bottom of the cup. Then, holding the paper over the cup and walking as fast as I can, without upsetting the balance – like some nightmarish egg-and-spoon race, I head for the door. I hear the spider thonking around in the cup as I do so.

I get outside, and go far away from the house. Hey, no sense in him coming right back inside. It’s dark out. There is a light outside, but it is still really creepy. Then, for another big queasy… I toss the cup and paper away from me, and the giant spider jumps out onto the pavement. He grew while I was holding him. He did. I swear. Okay, I’m getting chills just thinking about it.

Then he ran away, into the grass.

I swear to you, I almost peed my pants. Really. I mean, you say that sometimes, and it’s like blah-blah. But I *really * almost did. I am freaked.

But I was nice.

2

Gads, I am one gigantic goosebump now. Yeeech. It’s a good thing you got him out of the house, though… because otherwise you could wake up and find him, you know, like on your eye or something.

<full body shudder>

3

Yeah, I had completely the wrong idea about what this thread was gonna be about.

You just gotta train your felines to get those big uglies and take em outside. Works like a charm. We get those big mosquito hawks around here too, and I can go get my cat, hold him up near the thing with his hands free so he can grab at it, wait for him to catch it, then set him down so he can trot outside with the monster, if I don’t feel like dealing with it myself.

Sounds like you have a golden opportunity to find a new career path for Noel.

4

Yeah, you did a nice thing. I would have squashed it. Or maybe I would have sprayed bug spray to try to weaken it first.

5

The good thing about the big ones is that they can’t wriggle up your nose while you’re asleep and lay eggs in your brain.

6

Aaargh! There was a huge huntsman spider standing on the adjacent wall to me last night, glaring at me evilly. We’re getting a few of those around the house now that it’s becoming hotter in Queensland.

Anyhoo, I sprayed the little bugger until it was white, then got out the trusty vacuum and sucked the bastard up in it. I ran almost screaming with the vacuum trailing behind me and shoved it into the cupboard [near my dad’s room, heh. I do NOT want the spider crawling out of the vacuum in the middle of the night and hunting me down].

Now I can’t stop looking at the walls around me, lest I find another hairy huntsman staring at me.

shudder

7

They don’t have to, they can just punch holes in your skull with their giant hairy legs and go from there.

8

I guess that really depends on the size of your nose!

No, Noel doesn’t need to be a spider hunter… It might be poisonous, and I don’t want it to bite her. My two boy kitties will stalk things and sit and watch them also… so I can either squash or scoop up whatever it is to get rid of it.

My Mom’s cats on the other hand… they rip bugs apart, and all attack at once… kinda like the velociraptors in that movie… scary.

9

My wife’s family have a rating system for spider size based upon what you want to be wearing before you would consider stepping on it:

  1. Barefoot spiders
  2. Sandal spiders
  3. Sneaker spiders
  4. Boot spiders
  5. Gaah! Get it away from me!