“I didn’t intend to scare you.” “But you did”. “Not my problem”.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

@Eve

I am still voting for “old lady wasn’t necessarily terrified,” but old lady took a look at the loudly braying hippie, thought, “asshole,” and decided to remove herself hence. As I would have done, too.

I probably would have done the same, for several reasons. One, when I’m alone in a public place, I’m generally thinking private thoughts. If I’m with some friends, I’m concentrating on my friends. So a public singer would distract me from thinking my thoughts or talking with my friends. Two, most people who sing in public are really not good singers. They THINK that they sing much better than they actually do. Their singing generally ranges from unpleasant to excruciating. Three, I’d wonder if the singer was drunk or on drugs or had a mental condition*. It’s not always possible to tell that someone is in such a condition merely by appearance. Behavior is a much more reliable method of determining whether someone is drunk or high or mental…and I generally don’t want to DEAL with someone who’s going through any of those problems. Certainly I don’t want to deal with a stranger’s problems, unless of course the stranger is in immediate danger of harming himself or other people. Four, I might very well have a headache, and I don’t want to hear ANYTHING.

I generally don’t freak out over my physical safety. This worries my husband and daughter, because I’m not as physically able as I used to be. My husband also worried because I used to wander all over Las Vegas during the wee hours of the morning when we lived in that town. I am not a day person, and the town had several 24 hour arcades which were considerably less crowded at 3 in the morning. Even now, when I walk with a stick and have problems moving, I am not afraid of most strangers. I am somewhat wary of some people though, and this is usually not based on their looks but on their behavior.

Mostly, when I am in a public place, I do not bother other people unnecessarily and I want the same courtesy extended to me. If I attempt to strike up a conversation with a stranger, and sense that the person is not interested in talking to me, I will not keep talking to the stranger. Likewise, when someone opens a conversation with me, I will respond politely and indicate whether or not I am interested in further conversation. Intruding on someone’s personal space when the intrudee has no way to retreat is being a jerk.

Ask Martin if he breaks out into song when he’s by himself. If he does, then he’s possibly justified in saying that he’s just being himself, even though himself is not an enjoyable person to be around. If he DOESN’T, though, I’d say that he’s probably just trying to show to the world how freespirited he is…in other words, he’s faking it.

*Judging from Martin’s belief that he should be himself in all circumstances, I’d say that at the very least he’s probably not very pleasant company. :wally

[Eats_Crayons]

@Maastricht

But Martins case is just an example. I still wonder about the question I posed in my OP.

When a guy does something relatively innocent, like singing, and that mortifies an old lady, is that guy then responsible for her fear? What if he had just “looked wrong”? At what behaviour do you draw the line? I’m sure most guys have at times, felt guilty for frightening a woman when they had no intention of doing so.

That’s an interesting question.

A friend (male) of mine was on his way home really late one night. He was travelling by bus. He stop came up and a woman got off first, and he exited the bus behind her. As chance would have it, they were both walking up the sidewalk in the same direction.

He ended up feeling totally awkward because he could tell by her body language that she was apprehensive and being extra vigilant. From her point of view, it was really late at night, a strange man got off the bus and was now following her a few steps behind… Coincidence? Or creep? How was she to know? And how do you deal with such a mutually awkward situation?

Eventually my friend crossed the street so that the woman wouldn’t be so nervous with him behind her.

But he said the whole situation was weird and uncomfortable. He wasn’t doing anything wrong or threatening, it was just random circumstance that created a potentially creepy scene.

[glee]

@Eats_Crayons

That’s an interesting question.

A friend (male) of mine was on his way home really late one night. He was travelling by bus. He stop came up and a woman got off first, and he exited the bus behind her. As chance would have it, they were both walking up the sidewalk in the same direction.

He ended up feeling totally awkward because he could tell by her body language that she was apprehensive and being extra vigilant. From her point of view, it was really late at night, a strange man got off the bus and was now following her a few steps behind… Coincidence? Or creep? How was she to know? And how do you deal with such a mutually awkward situation?

Eventually my friend crossed the street so that the woman wouldn’t be so nervous with him behind her.

But he said the whole situation was weird and uncomfortable. He wasn’t doing anything wrong or threatening, it was just random circumstance that created a potentially creepy scene.

I’m male (and harmless!).
If I find myself walking behing a female (or elderly) person at night, I either slow down or cross the road.
It is perhaps a sad commentary on society that I feel the need to do this.
But I am trying to make other members of society feel comfortable (because that’s how my parents brought me up to behave).

As for selfish Martin, it would be wrong for me to hope he runs into some loutish football hooligans who think that ‘being themselves’ means they scare the crp out of hippies.
“We didn’t intend to scare you.”
“But you did.”
"Not our fck*ng problem."

[BoBettie]

I"ve had a few experiences with violence from mental illness, and I’ll tell you- people talking loudly to themselves or singing aloud in an inappropriate place (and I think the train is inappropriate) tend to set of my “get away” alarm. They don’t scare me for the most part, but if I were in a vulnerable position or elderly they might.