I didn't ask to be born!!

Great Debates
1

I’m sure we’ve all heard or possibly said this. In relation to my previous “purpose” post, I want you to put forth replies to this statement if it’s been directed at you by your children.

Reasons to have children (on purpose):
religious belief in “being fruitful and multiplying”
carrying on the family name (vanity)
natural urge to reproduce

When I got married, I got two kids in the deal. I love my children very much and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but I have never really wanted my own biological kids. If I wanted more children I’d rather adopt. I’m an atheist, but that has no bearing on the subject. There’s just so many unwanted children in the world to have one of your own. Unfortunately, the adoption system sucks major ass and people who really want children get reamed by the system both financially timely (I know that makes no sense, but I couldn’t think a proper way to say it). Regular schmoes like myself have to spend horrible amounts of money and time to get a child (especially babies) and are scrutinized to pieces. I understand that a person has to pass certain tests (not SAT-like test, but you know what I mean)to adopt, but any brain dead jerk can pump out a school bus full of children unchecked.

And don’t get me started on celebrity adoptions! If I were a judge deciding on whether or not to allow a celebrity (ie Rosie O’Donnell (who isn’t really a celebrity so much as a person who appears on TV and won’t go away)) I would be incline to turn them down. Think about it, constant media exposure, parents working weird hours in sometimes strange locations, unsavory co-workers, and so forth.

Sorry if I’m babbling in a bad grammatical fashion. I’ve had a long week today and adoption (especially celebrity) is a subject that eats away and my innards.

I’m going to rest now and think not-unhappy thoughts.

2

Trumpy, as a birthmother who has the benefit of an open adoption, I know what you mean about all the stuff prospective adoptive parents have to go through. My daughter’s adoptive parents have shared some of that with me. It is hard, very hard indeed. And I admire the fact that you would rather adopt, and take into your home a child that is in desperate need of a good home.

In all honesty, though, I can’t come up with answers as to why I wanted to have more children. I waited nine years between the birth of the daughter I relinquished and my second. I’m glad I waited, and I’m glad I had another one, and I’m glad I’m expecting my third (and final). I just wanted kids. I will do my best to be a good parent, and hopefully my kids will contribute something good to society.

3

Oh, I’m sorry…I thought this thread was called “I didn’t ask to be bj0rn”…never mind…

Contestant #3

4

C#3: Did you ever run into the Norwegian Tourism Bureau’s campaign, back when Ford was advertising with a particular slogan big time, that had as its theme: “There’s a fjord in your future.” :slight_smile:

5

I’ve thought about this too, but whenever I speak about it, somebody yells at me. Well not really. Whenever I write about it, somebody responds in all caps.

Basically, I think it’s a travesty that children are considered “truly yours” if you lent genetic material to their conception, and that adoption is considered some weird process that should require all the bureaucratic hassle of opening a nuclear power plant.

So you can have as many kids as you want if you do it through sex, no matter what age you are, how abusive you are, how unemployable you are, and even how young you are. Yeah, you got it, it’s every 14-year-old dropout’s right (or should I say RIGHT) to get pregnant. Society can ban her from boating, driving a car, or owning a handgun, but NOOOOO, Norplant is just way out of line. Because she owns and can abuse anything springing from her genetic material. (The sleazeball who keeps getting her pregnant is apparently within his rights too, though I suppose he might have his wages garnishered, if he has any.)

Adoption, on the other hand, needs to be regulated unto near-impossibility since anyone wanting to make a huge financial and time commitment to raising a child is obviously a bad egg. I mean, good people spend their money on waterskis, and make people the old-fashioned way.

Okay, I’m starting to rant too. I’m not advocating mass fertility regulation, I’m just dumbstruck by the near-sanctity that people seem to see in biological parenting, and the dirt they tend to heap on adoption. There should be more public encouragement of family planning (I’m not holding my breath), and a streamlined process for folks, especially foster parents, to adopt.

P.S. The only adoptive parent I know is doing a great job. She adopted a Vietnamese infant who is now a darling 5-year-old. So perhaps I’m biased in favor of adoption.

6

You may be approaching this from the wrong direction. I think that, while adoption regulations are perhaps too stringent, they do serve the valuble pupose of giving birth parents a certain piece of mind. If you want to adopt, then you want it to be as quick as possible. But when you are giving your baby away, you want every assurence that it is going to someone who has been checked and rechecked and jumped through a million hoops.

7

WARNING: PURE SPECULATION AND IDEALISM…

Adoption processes suck. There are so many kids who need families, so few families that consider adoption, even fewer families that “pass” the tests. It just isn’t fair.

I think that as long as you have the desire to be a parent, you’re mentally and physically healthy, you have at least an average income, and no awful criminal record, it should be a done deal.

It shouldn’t matter if you’re married or not, famous or not, rich or not. It shouldn’t matter if you have your Masters, or if you dropped out of high school, if you’re a lawyer or a salesperson… it just shouldn’t matter. WANTING a child and being capable of taking care of one should be enough.

Veni, Vidi, Visa … I came, I saw, I bought.