I apologize for the length and the whininess, but allow me to vent a bit. Short version: I dislike my job, and would like to move on to a less paid, but more satisfying academic position, but income constraints and worries about the economy, as well as dread of wifely anger, do not allow me to make the jump.
Here’s the long version now:
After completing my PhD, a grant application from my supervisor and me was not approved (got lots of positive feedback, but at the end of the day it didn’t make the cut). There were no other positions to fill in my University, and since my wife was (and is) pregnant, we didn’t really want to move. On the other side, well, we really needed some source of income.
So when my supervisor put me in touch with an ex-student of his who was the CTO of a big international software house with a branch near the Uni, I thought it was a godsend. Even my supervisor said it was the second best possibility to continue collaborating with him, as it looked like this company would work in the area I worked in, so they were especially interested in my work. Everyone is happy, right?
Ummm, no. I am not. I am aware that in these times of economical crisis, I should be grateful of what I have, but the problem is, I don’t like it at all.
I just deleted a very long chunk of text where I complained about a long list of things I am uncomfortable with, dislike, or just plain hate, but it was really too detailed. It will have to be enough to say: I am asked to do stuff I don’t know how to do, with no training, little support, angry co-workers (who I never met anyway, since we are all over the world), and the promise of an interest in my previous work set aside and assigned to others (who are NOT skilled at it, may I add).
So I dread going to work, I feel morose and frustrated and incredibly bored, and if this was an ideal world I’d move on to another position. Ideally, an academic position. And I also found some for which I’d make a very good candidate, but the problem is, well, my wife.
She is very patient, and tried to be supportive, but it’s clear she’d much prefer I’d stay where I am because of two reasons: my wage is much higher here, and if I pass probation I’ll have a permanent contract in a well respected IT company. Not to mention that if I went for an academic job I’d have to move, almost certainly, and we’re not keen on that.
The frustrating thing is that if I had this job, say, five years ago, I’d have been the happiest man. Good pay, famous company, 100% programming - I’d have been delighted. Now, however, I am different, and prefer research. Even my supervisor told me that many students, after a PhD, have problems fitting in the industry. So my issues might come out of culture shock, but figuring out the problem does not make it go away.
And now here I am, tired, stressed, frustrated, whiny, grumpy, disaffected, and probably stuck long term in a disliked job.
