Ok not really but I’ll explain…
I’m sure we’ve all done things that are unethical or immoral at times but you see with me I’ve never felt guilty about anything I’ve ever done. When I was younger I occasionally stole or beat up people. By this I mean mostly high school age here. But there are a few similar incidents in my twenties, I’m in my thirties now and don’t really engage in behavior like that anymore.
I still lie a lot if it suits me in a given situation. But this is the thing, when I have done or do bad things I don’t feel any sense of guilt it’s like that part of my brain doesn’t exist. I’m sure some people rationalize bad things they’ve done and absolve themselves of guilt but I don’t even do that extra step because I just don’t feel guilt.
In general, I know what society considers bad behavior, I just don’t care much about the rules of society, I think most of them are arbitrary and I see hypocrisy everywhere and so don’t care about whether they apply to me. I’m not a serial killer or out murdering people or anything, though if I did I’m not sure I’d feel guilt or not, I genuinely just don’t know.
Here’s the one caveat, I’m divorced but I have two children who I genuinely love, if I were to yell at them, or really give them any punishment, we’re talking time-out not corporal I feel guilty. I generally get them every weekend but if I don’t pick them up even one weekend out of like three months I genuinely feel guilty, they are the only things I actually care about or love in this sick world so maybe I’m not a complete sociopath or something, maybe they saved me in some sense, because I did feel more empathy towards people after they were born, before that I really didn’t have any at all.
Also maybe it sounds counterintuitive but I’m a highly emotional person, I don’t broadcast it before the audience but I find my mood changes rapidly and isn’t shallow, on the contrary it can be quite extreme, but it can change a lot over weeks, months or even hours or seconds. My Dad is a textbook Narcissist and my Mom is Bipolar so I’m sure that is a factor in all this, I have insight into my own behavior and thoughts and probably have some form of personality disorder though I’m not sure what exactly.
I don’t know what to extract from this thread other than armchair diagnoses or some catharsis from sharing but here it is for you to read.
