I don't have a refrigerator and I'm never buying one.

In My Humble Opinion
1

All this newfangled technology is a sucker’s game. Like my great-grandfather, and his father before him, I don’t own a refrigerator and I refuse to buy into this whole “convenience” garbage people keep saying about modern appliances.

I think refrigerators are for fat people who can’t be bothered to hunt their own game and cure their own meats for sustenance. I mean seriously, how lazy are people these days? That’s just not my thing. I prefer to forage and hunt like a man, rather than giving Big Oil the satisfaction of me owning another one of these energy-sucking machines.

Any other RFDs (Refrigerator-Free Dopers) out there?

2

How do you keep your beer cold?

3

An evaporative cooler fueled by the blood he drains from the big game that apparently wanders through his front yard.

4

har har har

Emails, Telephpones, letters doing the same thing as FB but not as awesome I guess.
Any other subsitutes for refrigirators out there ? no.

Why don’t you just pitt non-FB users and get it over with.

5

I don’t have:

a car

a house

a computer

a mobile phone

an appendix

any STDs

any STP (no car anyways)

a teenaged girlfriend

a pachyderm expulsion kit

a clue

any money

a nice warm feeling (except in my pants)

toilet paper

a clock

an RCA CED Videodisc (what good are they? you can’t record on them. not compatible with my system)

a half life measured in billions of years

any more tomato soup left (time to go shopping. wish I had money)

anything else to list (for now)

6

Damn NoClueBoy, you might just be more awesome at not having things than I am!

7

Because satire is so much more fun.

8

Oh yeah? Well I don’t even have a wheel. I get around perfectly fine on my own two legs, thank you very much.

Also, fire is for the kids and nerds and geeks and ‘the hip’. Real men eat food raw and like it.

9

That’s about a two out of ten on the satire proficiency scale. (Lack of subtlety, mainly, but also an unnecessary target.)

10

Food? Ha, we call that luxury around here. Grubs and worms do just fine, thank you very much.

11

Thanks for your opinion. It was very necessary.

12

Do you at least have a freezer to store your extra meat? Or is that too closely related to the dreaded refrigerator?

13

LUXURY!

I’m skimming for plankton.

14

Drink it before it gets warm.

15

Bitter, much? How does this even count as a parody thread, btw? It’s not funny. It’s a snark thread, and there’s a whole SDMB subforum (and several offsite communities) for that. But I guess you really showed us. :rolleyes:

It was exactly as necessary as this thread.

16

I actually haven’t had a refrigerator for about 2 months now. Mostly because I was waiting on my tax refund to get a new one. But then my tax refund went to bills and I realized I would have to get a really cheap used one. Then I just didn’t have time to run around looking for one. Every so often I’ll get some ice for a cooler if I have something I want to keep cold but mostly I just don’t buy stuff I have to refrigerate. But I will get one eventually.

17

Well I thought it was funny. So you amused someone, at least.

18

I’ve reverted to photosynthesis. No sense in being too advanced.

19

Hey all! If you don’t think this thread is funny/necessary, go pit him and this thread, instead of being meany meany jelly beanies!

20

Yes, the benefits of refrigeration, one of the most useful advances in technology ever, and the benefits of Facebook, the social networking site, are truly comparable things.

I haven’t seen satire of this quality since I read Mission Earth.