Some of you know my wife went into the hospital on 2/12 for surgery. She may be released today, I hope.
But this has meant that I have had full parental/housekeeping duties for the past four days. Not that I’m complaining; I love my son and help out where I can, but many of the routine chores concerning him were my wife’s bailiwick. She always got his lunch together for school, drove him to my parents in the morning so they could take him to school, and then picked him up after school. It was a system that worked for everyone involved, and lest you think I did nothing domestic, I was always pleased to be putting the finishing touches on a hot, nourishing dinner when they arrived home.
I’m been run ragged this weekend, though. There’s the stress of having your loved one in the hospital, yes, but aside from that, there’s a lot of running around and scheduling and planning and arranging, and if you’re the only person doing it, every burden falls on you. Many’s the time my wife will ask if I can pick up my son, or run a certain errand or take up the slack somewhere, and vice versa. That’s what couples do. But to have to do it all (and especially, I’ll admit, when you’re not used to doing it) just wears a body out. We either ate fast food or just scrounged some stuff for dinner nearly every night this weekend. I just didn’t have the energy to do more.
Hats off to you, single parents. Raising children is difficult enough for two people. I hope you get all the help and support you need.
Yeah, it is hard, and I did it by myself for a very long time. Thanks for the good thoughts on it.
So many women (and men) are thrust into single parenthood, and they are just not prepared. I had some idea of what I was in for, and luckily I had a supportive family. It’s been difficult to let go of that one-parent mentality.
How right you are! I’ve never been a single parent, but many was the time I thought upon what a difficult job parenting is when there are 2 reasonably sane and mature adults, and wondered how it was possible for one person to do it? It’s not just the logistical problems, either. How does one manage without having another person to talk things over with, or to help you calm down on a difficult day? I know lots of people manage, but it has to be a tough life.
I definitely couldn’t do it without my family’s support, that’s for sure.
For now, the hardest part for me about being a single parent is that I have almost zero “me time”. I feel like I’m constantly rushing through showers and meals and self-preparations, if not skipping them altogether. Thankfully, I know this will get better as they age and can be left relatively unsupervised. But then I’ll just have a whole other set of issues to deal with, I’m sure. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the itineraries of a baby and a toddler. I’m already a bit nervous about having to coordinate their lives once they actually develop a social life. :gulp:
But thanks for the recognition. It is hard, and lonely, and it can wear you out something awful. I’m sending warm thoughts toward you and yours DAVEW0071. I hope your wife is released without problems and quickly on the road to recovery.
Eh, one becomes accustomed to anything after a while, but I can certainly understand how whelmed you’d be having all this on your plate at once. That’s a lot to deal with, and good to hear that your wife’s doing well.
MLS you’ve described one of the biggest lacks for single parents, IME. Much less fun to take junior to the zoo when there’s no other adult there to share your delight in his reactions to seeing the monkey house. OTOH, it simplifies a lot of things, as well. No fights about how to discipline, or who’s turn it is for whatever, etc.
I started out as a single parent, and there’s a difference between that and suddenly having single-parenthood thrust upon you. I was lucky in that I DID have a supportive family, but there were, and are still, times when it is isolating. The most important thing, apart from family, is to have a nework of friends who can give you non-judgemental support. There are plenty of people to tell you when you’ve fucked up; sometimes you just need someone to acknowledge that yes, you fucked up, but you were doing your best.
As for the practicalities - your children are the priority, so whatever needs to be done to keep them healthy and happy gets done somehow.
I wouldn’t change anything, but I’m happy for you, DAVEW0071, that you’ll soon be back to double parenhood!
Children require a lot of hard work but they give back so much it is easily worth the effort. Like many things a person can sympathize and believe they understand someone elses situation but some things have to be experienced to get a true understanding.
I’ve always wondered this, too. IMO children need about 3 parents–two is barely adequate for sanity, so how the heck do single parents do the whole job?? Hats off to them (and here’s a solitary hot shower, and an ice-cream soda, too).
My mother and father divorced when I was 4 years old. I was always amazed at what a great job she did. Even as a kid we would wish her a happy fathers day. She raised four of us (at the time of divorce we were ages 2, 4, 6 and 8). I don’t know how she did it! The first thing she did was give up a great career (as great as a woman could have in the late 60’s) and then move us to a small town. She figured (probably accurately) that we would be less likely to get into trouble in a small town. She never remarried (we’re Roman Catholic). I have vague memories of her going out on a date once, but we kids weren’t too crazy about it, and she never did again. (I don’t know if we were the cause of that, but on hindsight it seems like it must have had something to do with it) In a nutshell, she dedicated her whole life to us.
Fast forward to now. My kids are 13, 17, and 20. Last July (seven months ago)their mother, my wife, died from pneumonia. She was only 38. So I’m experiencing a fraction of what my mother went through. I don’t have enough time to do anything. I’m determined not to make my older daughter (the 17 y/o) feel like she must replace her mother. The older two have to help out with rides and stuff for the 13 y/o, but cooking and things like that we’re learning as we go. I have no family here in GA., as I’m from Oklahoma originally. I can say I have the greatest friends in the world. I hope I can do half the job my mother did. Although I have no desire right now for a relationship, I do get lonely once in a while. Kind of a catch 22. That, and when I get a chance to go out with friends, I feel like the 3rd wheel if I’m with couples.
Sorry if I brought everybody down, but sometimes it’s theraputic to say something, even if it is to anonymous people on a message board.
In a sentence… it’s tough, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Enright3, I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your kids ease through this transition period; and someday, twenty years down the road, I bet your kids will be saying the kinds of things about you that you’ve said here about your own mother.
Warm thoughts to you,
