I’m in a similar situation with mr.stretch. Lucky for me, there is an end in sight–mr.stretch is undergoing a year of prescription drug therapy and it will be over at the end of September.
Due to the meds and side effects, mr.stretch hasn’t been able to effectively handle his medical needs. I’ve been making appointments, taking him everywhere, etc. for the last 9 months. I’m wore out. A big part of mr.stretch’s problem right now is depression, anxiety and the inability to deal with other people and focus on what he’s doing.
If he’s doing something trivial, he does it himself; nothing catastrophic is going to happen if he writes down the wrong name of some guy he talked to about gutters.
But if it’s important, like scheduling an appointment, we work together to make it happen. Right now he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. I make the actual call and do the interacting with the doctor’s office. But he’s there with me so I can ask clarifying questions or whatever. I make him be involved to the extent he can be. If he’s having an unusual reaction to the medication, I call the nurse and interact with her, while I’m with mr.stretch. Again, that way I can get clarifying information immediately. If we have to doing something while I’m at work, we conference call so that mr.stretch isn’t doing it on his own. I’m there to support him the whole time.
Again, I’m lucky and there is an end in sight for me. Sounds like you don’t have an end point to look forward to, which is something that you should work to change.
I think you should work with your husband to get him back on track to making his own appointments. Start out doing most of the work for him, but he has to be there with you while you do it. This way, he doesn’t have to do something that he is unable to do, but he doesn’t get to sit back and relax while it happens–he still has to be involved. Then gradually work up to him doing more of the interacting.
This is something he should be discussing with his therapist if he ever gets to see the new one. The new doctor should be able to understand that someone with anxiety and depression may not be up to interacting with a new person over the phone right now. Maybe the referring internist call help out with this. Or the internist can give you a referral to a therapist who is more willing to be helpful to their new patients–I would be leery of going to this therapist with the attitude currently being presented.
I don’t think that you should be tied to doing this for your husband forever. He should be taking this on himself. I just think you’re going to have to work up to it. I know that it seems like no big deal to have to call and set up an appointment, but sometimes it can be overwhelming to talk to medical people, even the receptionist.
I’m leaving out all the stuff about how you have to sit down and explain how much you love him, but you can’t do this forever, so the two of you are going to work out a way for him to take charge of his medical stuff, but you’ll do it together…
Or, you can do this: Throw up your hands and ignore the problem. Then keep beating yourself up for not being a good wife. Then get pissed at him for putting you in this position. Then be mad at yourself for not having enough empathy. Then get upset with him again. Rinse and repeat as necessary.
By the way, I read your thread in the Pit about this back in the day, and I almost posted then. Wish I would have. Take care.