men, take some responsibility for your own damned healthcare

The BBQ Pit
1

You know who you are. You expect your wives to make doctor appointments, to do the followup work, to pay attention during the visits.

And when information gets distorted or misinterpreted, you blame your wives.

Oh, most of the time it’s like a little girl being afraid of spiders. It’s silly, but almost cute. You’re so helpless! So incapable!

I talk to the nurses and receptionists at the doctors’ offices. We laugh at you. Their estimates are that 50% of men have their wives call. 50%! Just think how many little whining crybabies that adds up to!

Oh, we women have something to answer for, too. Yes, it’s easier just to do it than to have it not get done, but we have allowed these stupid men to turn us into their mommies.

So I am to blame, in part, for this weekend. I am to blame because I didn’t force my stupid man to call his doctor in the first place. And when he complained that I gave the wrong information, I didn’t smother him, then and there, with potting soil.

And so, when we get results back from tests that say that his heart is damaged, I’ll accept some blame for not forcing him to take responsibility for his own life.

Some blame, but not all of it. Not most of it. Ten percent? Yes, that sounds about right.

The rest of it falls squarely on him. And I hope the rest of you stupid, whiny men get precisely the healthcare you deserve.

2

Well that was very clear. Very clear indeed.

Could you give us a little more info?

3

What, you mean you can’t read my mind? :smack:

My husband won’t handle his own doctor calls. He won’t make appointments or do follow-up or ask questions or anything. The nurses and people at the various offices tell me that the majority of their male patients are the same way. I’ve always given in because it at least gets done if I do it. If I leave it to him, it doesn’t get done.

He’s a cardiac patient and his doctor was rearranging his meds because his blood pressure was dipping too low. He tells me he needs to see his doctor because his “heart rate is staying really fast.” I ask how fast. He says 120. I call doctor’s office. Nurse says to go to emergency room. I go home to take him to the ER and he says that he doesn’t need to go because his heart rate isn’t staying 120, it’s reaching 120. He blames me for not understanding that. This was Tuesday. I told him to call them back, explain it, and get an appointment. He didn’t.

On Friday, we end up in the ER because his heart rate is staying (staying this time) 130+. And it stayed there long enough to cause his heart to start producing enzymes relating to heart damage. Oh, and he’s got a change in his EKG.

All because he wouldn’t pick up the fucking phone. All because he wanted me to be his psychic messenger. And, anecdotally at least, there are tons of other men out there who pull the same shit.

And it pisses me off.

Er, more coherent this time?

4

Perhaps this is one of the reasons men don’t live as long as women do. :wink:

Though you also have to understand, jsgoddess, that a lot of guys have a “just suck it up” mentality. In some situations this is useful- being able to cope/put up with stuff instead of chickening out/making excuses. But it can also cause problems, where a guy doesn’t want to seek medical help like in your scenario.

Or perhaps it makes him feel old. My mom’s boyfriend was an extremely spry rough and ready guy in his fifties who would regularly take on guys half his age in some fisticuffs, and now at sixty his body is finally starting to show its age. It is very hard for him to accept that he is starting to enter old age, and up until now he’s been fighting it tooth and nail, thus he is not enthusiastic about doctor’s visits and such. :frowning:

As for me, well, I’m not married, and probably will spend much of my life living alone, so you are comforted in the fact that there won’t be any other woman around to bug me to go to the doctor, either I’ll go on my own behalf or eventually keel over, die, and spend the next 2 weeks decaying before anyone notices I am gone :frowning:

5

My uncle died of pancreatic cancer two years ago.

My aunt said she used to nag her husband about leaving the toilet seat up, leaving his clothes on the floor, playing cards with his friends, etc.

Now she says she would happily live with all these “deficiencies” just for him to be alive again. I would also guess she’d happily make his doctor appointments, just to have him alive again.

You should contemplate on this.

6

Oh give me a break. I’m sure if Mr. Athena goes before me, I’ll be devastated. I’ll wish to God that he was around, talking too much, nagging me about dumb things, and leaving the lights in the basement on for weeks at a time. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have the right to be bugged by it now. Get off yer high horse - jsgoddess has a valid bitch.

7

perhaps jsgoddess’ HUSBAND should contemplate this when he’s neglecting to take care of his health. After all, if he’s not around for his wife due to health problems HE could have prevented by taking care them on his own, rather than expecting his wife to read his mind about his symptoms.

8

…he’ll have only himself to blame.

(sorry, left out the last part on that - I need to learn to preview!)

9

That is very silly behaviour. I make doctors’ appointments for health problems my own self when they seem to be necessary; I can’t fathom why someone would expect someone else to do so.

I’ll occasionally ask my mom for health advice, but then I have the excuse that she is a doctor.

10

Well, heck - you’re the one who wants these appointments made, so make 'em. At least we go half the time - and you’re still not satisfied. There’s just no pleasing you danged women.

I don’t feel like I need to see a doctor. Just buy me a defibrillator and have it set next to the couch. If I need a quick jump, it’s right there. I got better things to do with my time than see them sawbones about me ticker, you know. Like watching bowling.

11

Well, I tried to read your mind.

Hey, I think I have that condition. After a rapid heart rate episode I got a fairly rigorous cardiac analysis. Results - Doc says my ticker is fine but I may someday require a pacemaker when I reach old age.

In the meantime I started blood pressure meds and switched to decaf.

Yep. Tell the Hubby that there’s nothing matcho about ignoring health needs. In fact, I can still thump most guys who think otherwise.

12

Please be advised that ** Beezlebubba** and ** BubbaDog** are in no way related.
I happen to be the good-lookin one if you need assistance determining the difference

13

jsgoddess been there done that. Combine it with the phrase “I’m a man I can take it” and your living with my hubby.
T: I think you should have the doctor look at your ankle.
H: It’s fine it’s just sprained.
T: I think it may be broken.
H: It’s fine don’t worry.
T: It’s three times it’s regular size, and purple!
H: I said it’s fine.
T: Ok! But the bone is sticking out.
H: I’m a man I can take it.

14

Luckily the new privacy acts have enabled me to tell my husband (truthfully) that the doctor’s office won’t even talk to me about his medical issues. Otherwise, he’d be asking me to make his appointments. Which I’m not going to do anymore. An example of why?

Him: Can you make me a doctor’s appointment?
Me: Sure.

/me makes appointment for Friday morning

Him: I can’t go on Friday, I have to do X at work! Can you reschedule?
Me: :wally

15

Right. So I should happily waste my time and the time of various doctors and support staff so that he can happily not take charge of his own health?

Oh, and I should happily accept that mistranslations may happen and should happily accept blame when they do?

And when I’m happily driving my husband to the hospital because he’s oh-so-happily suffering from a racing heart, I should just be happy that I get that privilege?

How much of my life am I supposed to spend, happily doing something that I can’t do well or safely? Remember, we’re talking about someone with a very fucking huge medical problem, someone who has to go to the doctor constantly. Just precisely how many times am I supposed to interrupt my day not just calling these doctors, but calling to correct errors that were introduced by the last fucking time I called?

Now, if possible, I’m even more pissed off than I was.

16

[QUOTE=I don’t feel like I need to see a doctor. Just buy me a defibrillator and have it set next to the couch. If I need a quick jump, it’s right there.[/QUOTE]
They’ve got wall-mounted ones now. Haven’t you been to the mall lately?

Comes in handy for jolting the geezers who walk too slowly and block the aisles.

17

jsgodess I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this. I know how you feel to some degree (never had a spouse with 130 heart rate).

I think it is about responsibility. And your husband has now made me angry. It’s one thing to not take care of yourself. It’s another thing when someone puts that responsibility on their spouse. It gets stressful.

I’ve had the husband tell me to make his doctors appointment. I ask him to make the appointment himself for scheduling reasons. Of course, I wind up calling and made the appointment. And guess what? OH, he’s busy that day/time.

Hang in there.

18

That’s pretty much it right there.

If I don’t feel any particular need to go to the doctor I’m not likely to interrupt things just to make an appointment that’s probably not necessary. I figure, if I’m not coughing up blood I’m probably okay, and I really don’t need your histrionics.

You have to have regular visits to the gynecologist, which inevetibly leads to visits with various and sundry other specialists. You’re at one doctor or another all the time, but I obviously don’t have that problem.

I’m fine. Leave me alone.

19

The dude’s got a resting heart rate of 1 fucking 30. I’m amazed they let him out of the ER. :eek:
It’s supposed to be around 60 in rest, isn’t it?

If someone doesn’t think they need treatment for a heart rate twice too fast, then hell no, their wives aren’t meddling when they drag their husbands to the doctor/ER. These people need to be protected from their own idiocy, and usually the wife is the first line of help.

On a related note, I made an appointment with a neuro specialist today, all by myself. Yes sirree.

20

My ex used to want me to call in to work for him when he was sick. I refused. Did you notice the word “ex”? (just one of the many excellent reasons we’re divorced today).

anyhow. wrt to the specifics of the OP - you have the option to say “no, you should do it”. Instead of attempting to do so, and allowing the rest of the nonsense to go on. APparently you understand that now.

wrt the Stats dictated by the medical personnel - I’m not willing to believe that it’s only ‘a man thing’ that determines this sort of thing -

A. some jobs have rules/other situations which make it difficult/impossible to do such things at work. The receptionist where I work, for example, is at a public desk damn near her entire shift (except for lunch hour, coincidentally the same as doctor’s offices). Factories/warehouses/retail shops are other examples of places where one might work and have it difficult to deal w/personal calls such as that.

B. shift workers - having worked night shift etc, I’d have loved to have had some one awake during the day to deal with that sort of shit.

C. new adults - when my teenage son moved on his own, the first couple of times he needed medical care his first call was to me - since I’d always set up all of his medical appointments for him his entire life.

So, while I sympathize w/the specifics of the OP’s dilemma, it’s also a two person issue. and, I don’t really agree w/the generalization of the title.