One of the best cures for fear is knowledge.
Learn about flying.
Learn about yourself.
Fear is natural and good.
Giving into fear is not so good.
Keep working on it.
It can’t be lessened with doing something.
You must be proactive about it.
Another pilot checking in here, but one with fear of flying in her background.
First of all, I like to reassure people that fear of flying is NOT entirely irrational. It’s something most people know little or nothing about, they don’t do it often, they don’t understand it, and a little tickle of fear is your mind/body way of saying “Be cautious and be careful” It means your survival instincts are intact. It’s OK.
Now, the next problem is getting that fear under control so you can fly and (hopefully) enjoy the experience, because there really is a lot to enjoy there.
(By the way, I used to have NO fear of flying until I was on a passenger jet where Something Bad happened on take off (which will not be described here). However, we did survive, no one got hurt (just shook up real good), and I wound up with a genuine phobia for about 7 years. Really. I would get so scared I’d throw up when I tried to get on an airplane. I cured it by taking flight lessons and earning my pilot’s license. Now they can’t keep me on the ground.)
Several people have mentioned finding out WHAT you are afraid of. Is it the lack of control? Claustrophobia from being jammed into the cabin with so many strangers? Total incomprehension of how 300,000 pounds of stuff can stay several miles above the ground?
And there are several methods of dealing with the problem.
Honestly, if someone has a terrible, paralyzing fear and yet MUST fly somewhere (such as to another continent) then I can see using anti-anxiety medication. It’s not my first choice, but it’s a useful tool for occassional use.
Taking an introductory flight lesson in a small plane can be effective for many people. There’s a world of difference when you can see all that goes on in the cockpit, and in that instance you can speak to the pilot, who can explain what’s being done and why. A true introductory lesson will also allow you to handle the controls yourself part of the time, at which point you can say something to yourself like “Gee, if an untrained doofus like me can safely steer this thing around the sky, gosh, how much safer am I with someone with years and years and years of extensive training in how to do this safely?” LOTS safer.
And, as mentioned, there are courses designed specifically to overcome fear of flying. They are various in complexity, and they do require both time and money, but many people report success from them.
I do know some domestic airlines show cockpit views to passengers because I’ve seen it - but I don’t know which ones because, frankly, I do most of my own flying these days. A number will also let you listen in to the communications between the plane and the tower - hearing routine transmissions in calm, professional voices can also be very reassuring. (It is to me!)
As Johnny pointed out with the Nall Report, ALL aspects of aviation are becoming safer, even those that are significantly more risky than passenger travel - which is definitely the safest part of air travel. In the past decade, there have been several years where NO fatalities occured with commercial passenger travel anywhere in the world.
So, if someone has a specific fear or question step up and speak and those of us with a love affair with the sky will do our best to put it to rest.
I really have to thank so many people for responding.
I do not have paralyzing fear.
I think I have a tiny bit of claustrophobia. But mainly, I like to be the driver. I do almost all the driving in our household. We drove from Ohio to Colorado to New Mexico to Arkansas and back to Ohio one summer. I let my husband drive for 15 minutes. No kidding. He likes it that way, too.
So I think it is mainly giving up control to someone I don’t know. Of course the pilots are all very well trained and I couldn’t fly the plane if they would let me.
Also, there are those little things like maintenance. If something wasn’t done correctly the plane could crash.
I guess I’m mainly afraid of dying.
And there is an irrational fear of the turbulence. I always think we are going to die. Once I was flying to England and as we got over Wales they were just starting to serve breakfast. The turbulence got so bad that they took the breakfast back. I try to imagine that it is just like driving on a bumpy road–no big deal.
Sounds like you’ll have to get yourself a Private Pilot’s License. 
I don’t like eggs.
Just remember: Before an airliner is certified, one is tested to distruction. They are built to withstand more abuse than will occur in their lives.
After the take off and we are cruising along, I imagine I am on a train instead of a plane. Works for me 
Its’ okay, Lillith Fair.
You can’t stand to fly.
You’re not that naïve.
You’re just off to find
a good time in Paris.
You’re more than a bird.
You’re more than a plane.
More than some pretty face wishing you were in a train
It’s not easy to be you.
A link for the confused.*
In all seriousness, listen to your fellow Dopers. They’re giving great advice and info. Also remember, at the end of the relatively brief plane ride YOU’LL BE IN PARIS! I would break commandments for another trip to the city of lights. Be sure to learn a few French phrases. The ones I found most useful were “Hello,” “Goodbye,” “Thank you,” and “Do you speak English.”
Bon Voyage!
*The name of the band that performs that song is Five for Fighting. Every other page I found had an annoying MIDI playing with it.
Well, not sure how to help you there - I don’t like giving up control, either! Although learning more about how pilots are trained for the airlines did give me more confidence that the average airline pilot is MUCH more competant than the average car driver!
Actually, the way airplanes are designed things CAN "go wrong’ and it still won’t crash. Airplanes are overengineered. They can be hit by lighting and hail and still keep flying just fine. Anything that needs one bolt to remain stuck to the plane probably has 3 or 4 or more bolts - so the occassional bolt, screw, or rivet can go missing and never be a problem. In the case of passenger jets, even with the fastest land-unload-load-take-off cycle more than one person is still examining critical systems. and beyond that various components are examined on a strict schedule. The interval of these is inspections is such that, even if a problem might be missed (due to human error) during an inspection, the next will catch it before anything serious goes wrong. Even if one engine quits working entirely the airplane most likely will still arrive safely (I have had personal experience with this on an airline. We did land safely.) There is not just one but THREE hydraulic systems to work the controls on an airliner. There are multiple cockpit instruments, and all are wired independently so even if some of the cockpit instrumentation stops working there are at least 2 “spares”. Lots and lots of redundancy, lots of room for minor mechanical errors and minor human errors to accumulate before anything gets critical.
As a comparison - your car has only one steering system. If the steering goes out on your car (a rare occurance, particularly with proper maintenance) you may well be in deep doo-doo. An airliner, however, has three separate hydraulic steering systems, any one of which is fully capable of steering the airplane. In order to loose steering on a jet, you have to have three major failures in a row. OK, that sort of triple failure did happen once - and the crew still managed to land the airplane. (It’s frequently referred to as the Sioux City, Iowa accident)
It’s actually pretty amazing what an airplane can survive and keep flying.
By the way, you do know that one of the reasons there are TWO pilots is the same sort of redundancy, don’t you? Although airliners are required to take off with at least two pilots (very long or over-ocean trips might require several more) one pilot alone is capable of landing such an airplane. And it’s not that unusual for an off-duty pilot or other human staff person to be riding in the passenger area so frequently even the human elements involved in flights have multiple back-ups.
Me, too! You’ve heard the “flying is the safest form of transportation” line plenty of times, I’m sure. I’m plenty afraid of dying - that’s why I installed grip bars in my shower stall, look both ways before crossing the street, and don’t eat any green-and-fuzzy stuff I find in my refrigerator. I do, however, fly airplanes as both pilot and passenger and most days feel safer in an airplane than in a car.
Yep, turbulence bothers a lot of people. My theory is, it’s because the motion is so different than what you experience in a car (the most famillar mode of transportation) or even a boat (I think it’s more like a boat in rough water, but that’s me). Turbulence is NOT going to hurt the airplane except, perhaps, if it is flown through a tornado (although airplanes - even small airplanes - have survived that) or the heart of a really big thunderstorm (and airplanes have survived that, and hurricaines, as well. Not that it’s recommended, mind you, just that it’s not a “certain death” situation).
Your “bumpy road” analogy is quite accurate. A car can drive over a very rutted road and get very shook up, but still stay in one piece even if loose stuff rolls around inside. That, by the way, is one reason to keep your seat belt on as much as possible - without it you’re “loose stuff”. The people who get hurt in turbulence tend to be the ones who aren’t strapped down, so this is one area where YOU can control things. If you’re in your seat buckle up. Even a loose belt will keep you in your seat better than no belt at all. When you open an overhead bin make sure it’s securely closed when you’re done with it. Use the seatpockets in front of you to stash loose stuff - like your trashy novel while you take a nap. Ask your neighbor to do the same. Cooperate with the flight attendants when they ask to collect food and drink - if they’re interrupting meal service it’s probably for a good reason. Help them get their job done so THEY can strap in, too.
Now, the only way the airplane is likely to get hurt is if it hits something. At 30,000 feet, there’s just not much to hit! You can drop 1000 feet and it doesn’t matter (other than spilled coffee and soda, depending on how fast it occurs, and the effect on human occupants) Truthfully, most of the time you perceive a much greater drop than actually occurs. The more you fly the more accustomed you get to the normal motions of flight and the less this bothers you. In fact, those of us who are pilots might perform some pretty extreme (from your viewpoint) manuvers for the fun of it. NOT while we have nervous passengers, of course, and certainly not in an airliner, but the point is that airplane is built MUCH tougher and can withstand MUCH more than the average person can imagine.
It can also help if you have some idea the rough stuff is coming. You are more likely to encounter clear weather turbulence going over mountains, and the higher the more likely. You know how water gets all agitated going over rocks in rapids? OK, that’s what happens (roughly), when air goes over a mountain range - it’s like invisible rapids. Airplanes do try to fly high enough that this isn’t noticable but sometimes it can’t be avoided.
Storms create turbulence. If the weather is a bit stormy and rainy you are more likely to get this. If the airline cancels a flight due to weather don’t get angry - be glad. They’re being responsible. Keep in mind that a cancelled flight cost lots of money and a for-profit business wouldn’t do that without good reason.
Above all, if the captain asks you to be seated and buckle up do so. Areas of turbulence are reported by pilots and relayed to other pilots entering an area. The captain will try to give folks time to get seated and buckled in, but it does required YOUR cooperation (see, you DO have some control here). If the resulting bumps aren’t that bad – well, no harm done. The fact is, weather reporting is becoming more and more accurate and it’s much more common for airplanes to go around the worst of the weather than to go through it.
Another thing - just as slowing down a car can make driving a rough road safer, airplanes in turbulent weather adjust their speed as well. This can cause a flight delay. Yes, delays are annoying but, again, they are done for a reason. If a storm slows you down en route well, the captain is trying to get you there in the safest manner possible, not just the fastest. Remember, the pilots want to get safely home to dinner, too! Don’t worry - you have plenty of fuel on board and if it becomes advisible to land rather than continue the flight plan already has several alternate destinations mapped out. Not just a “Plan B” but also a plan C, D, E, F…
I recently received my flight instructor’s license, and the very first lesson I gave was to a guy who said he had a fear (yet also a fascination) with flying.
He came very prepared, having read quite a bit, and he did really well! He scheduled another lesson, so I guess he had a good time.
I want to thank everyone for their replies to the original post, especially Broomstick. I printed out the whole thing and we read it at the airport. It was really helpful and we did just fine. (I was not phobic in the first place, just uneasy.)
My friend seemed mainly afraid of terrorism. I am not afraid of that. Well, I would be afraid, I just felt it was unlikely.
We had a wonderful week in the Loire Valley and Paris at a handbell festival–it was just fantastic!
They said there was a strike of the food workers when we boarded to fly home and kept apologizing for the food, but the one meal was exactly the same as the flight over to Paris, and I thought the snack was just fine.
Now, I understand that there are people with severe allergies to peanuts, but I really would rather have nuts than pretzels. It’s always a disappointment.