Maybe my saying the words, 'scares the beejeebers out of you wasn’t strong enough.
I should have said, scares the hell out of you since you had no idea you were that type of person. Scares you so bad that you almost were going to spend the next 20+ years in prison and have to live with the fact that you are a very bad person.
If the OP had did what he almost did, it would have happened to him. To be so close and have it happen so unexpectedly and so contrary to the type of person you think you are really shakes you up.
Actually, if I were going to do anything “non-violent” to get my revenge, I’d steal her dog. It pissed her off to no end that her dog listened to me more than he would come when I called him, but totally ignored her when she called him.
Think maybe I’ll rent Fight Club tonight. If you can’t beat the shit out someone, watching Ed Norton smash Angel’s face is the next best thing.
Humm - I’ve never actually wanted to hurt someone physically; however, on more than one occasion I’ve had a deep down burning need to Oreo someone’s car.
Different strokes, right?
Anyhoo - I think it’s pretty normal to feel enraged at someone that has hurt you - the reading the newspaper and not doing anything is what defines your humanity. Hang in there.
I don’t even understand why she came into the store. She would have seen my car long before she pulled up, and then as she was swinging around to park, she saw me before I ever saw her (my head being buried in the newspaper). If I’d have been her, I would have just rolled on out and stopped somewhere else. It’s not like she couldn’t have bought her smokes somewhere else.
Well, after reading all this (and trying to distract myself by typing up a subsection of a book), I find I still have the feelings I had for my father a few years ago when he did hit me in extreme anger. (this thread caused them to rise to the surface once again…)Not very good feelings, and I never acted upon them. (it took a lot to restrain myself, believe you me)
Tuckerfan, I don’t know if I can say that I totally understand how you feel (since I’ve never been in your exact situation), but I might be able to empathize a little. Be wary of using alcohol in those sorts of situations… you don’t want to use it as a crutch or something.
I agree that the woman who wanted to use you badly wanted to see your reaction when you saw her for the first time in some time… otherwise, why else would she choose that particular store to buy her cigarettes? (especially when she saw your car out front) I’m not sure what else to say… except that I’m here for you if you need to talk. Email’s in my profile, and if you need to IM me, go right ahead.
I think when you wake up you probably won’t want to get drunk. She has no hold on you anymore, and dwelling on this episode would indicate she does, which you know she doesn’t. Does that make any sense at all? I guess what I’m trying to say is if you just forget about her, you have all the power. If you get drunk over her, you’re still allowing her to have some power over you.
Well, lou, I’m hammered. I admit that the Sarah I once knew has a lock on me that I don’t know how, or if, I’ll ever shake. I don’t even know if the her I loved was really her, or just something that I made up.
There were a lot of things about her that I loved. Things that I’d not found in any other woman I’ve ever known or dated. Its sad to see that they were either illusions or gone now.
I don’t know you, you don’t me, I hope that you’ve never done anything like what’s happened to Tuckerfan, but those kind of comments just burn me up. I have had too many women screw me over and then say, “I’m a bitch.” as if that were some kind of excuse for what they’d done. If that’s the case, then guys like Tucker should have the right to beat the shit out of women who screw them over and walk away scott-free by saying, “We men are pigs.”
Decent human beings don’t fuck over other human beings for the sheer sport of it.
Just bein’ flip, didn’t mean to get anybody’s knickers in a twist!
Sounds like the women you ran into were indeed bitches, and I wouldn’t try to guess what sort of excuse they might have or need for acting that way.
Of course decent people don’t hurt other people for fun. I would never say otherwise. I think Tucker got what I meant. His Sarah was indeed a devious little cow for doing what she did, and I hope that someday she regrets doing it, although she probably won’t from what I gather.
I pretty much agree with everyone else has said. Feelings don’t matter, actions do.
I don’t want to presume anything, but you’ve probably idealized her in the time since your break-up to a degree that doesn’t jibe with reality. I’ve done the same thing myself. Women always seem to become more perfect after they dump you.
I think that it’s the pain of being alone that hurts as much as anything, and that feeling that you won’t find anybody else as perfect. I know that drinking doesn’t help but friendships do, and I know that when I found my wife (who I’ve been with for thirteen years) I couldn’t even remember what I thought was so great about the previous “perfect” woman. Now I can’t even remember what she looked like and have absolutely zero interest in ever seeing her again.
DtC, no doubt I’ve idealized her to a degree, and love makes fools of us all, but there is that nagging part of myself which says that had I done some things differently we might still be together. To be honest, I think most of my anger has to do more with my letting her get away than with anything she’s done.
And I do know that booze is bad (my father’s a recovering alcoholic), but in matching with the screwed up nature of my life, it does tend to keep me from turning into an absolute basketcase at times like this. Whereas my friends, either don’t understand, or in the case of one of my friends who’s seen this thread, it inspires them to do things that aren’t really helpful. (He offered to screw his girlfriend in front of me to show me how much the two of them cared about me. Thanks, but that’s reallynot what I need right now. Especially since the last time the two of them did it [I didn’t ask them to, and really wasn’t all that thrilled when they did it.], he kept begging her to give me some, uh, “manual stimulation” and she refused. Yeah, there’s a reason why I spend more time here at the Dope than any place else.)
I do thank everyone for the good thoughts they’ve been sending my way. Once again the Dope has helped me save my sanity.
Hell, I’ve had violent feelings towards a particularly evil ex. As violent as yours, complete with elaborate revenge fantasies. It doesn’t make me feel bad about myself because I haven’t an ounce of actual conscious motivation to act on those thoughts.
Tucker, it’s not our THOUGHTS that make us men. It’s our actions that separate the man from the animal. Humans have all the unfocused, primal instinct and emotion of the animals - the difference with us is that we can choose not to act on them. You are equipped with the instincts and emotions that make you want to kill your enemies, but you’re also equipped with the foresight and the superego that restrict those emotions. In other words, you’re a conscious, civilized man. You sound like a decent person to me.
Anyone who DENIES having violent thoughts about those who wrong them is either badly self-deluded or dishonest. It’s very good that you are aware of your feelings and that you think about what they mean. It’s a sign of true, conscious self-control.
