I don't really care

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I just realised this recently. Well, actually, I always kind of knew. But I never had a proper realisation until now. I don’t really care about anything. I got 45% on an assignment that I’d worked hard on. I didn’t really care. My grandma died, I didn’t really care. There’s a Pit thread about a two-year-old girl who got raped, and not only do I not really care, I can’t even understand why some people seem to care so much. I eat factory-farmed animals. I don’t really care. I step past homeless people in the city in the morning and I feel kind of bad for them. But I don’t give them money or anything. Ignorant people make me angry but I hardly ever correct them. I’m bad at arguing because I can’t be bothered, and also because I don’t really have any opinions. I think all sides have good points so I can’t make up my mind, nor do I see any real point in making up my mind, but when I’m arguing this tends to mean I end up contradicting myself if I bother at all. I’m good with abusive customers because I never get upset. I’ve seen a customer reduce a coworker to tears. I tried to comfort her later but I didn’t really get why she was so upset. When I show concern, I am often just pretending. I annoy my friends with my lack of responsiveness to their earth-shattering news even though I’m already trying to appear interested. When I see news stories about protests or debates I think they are wasting their time. I don’t know what makes people feel strongly about things. I don’t think it’s possible to change anything.

The strange thing is, I’m not unhappy. I’m prone to depression but I think I’m still happier than a lot of people who aren’t. I’ve been assessed for clinical depression but had almost no signs. I don’t really want anything. I once read about a guy who stopped producing testosterone and stopped wanting anything. He’d sit on his couch all day and eat nothing but white bread, and only because he had to or he’d starve. He said later that it was fairly pleasant. I couldn’t live like that but I’d probably tolerate it better than most people. I don’t care when bad things happen to other people. I can see why they’d be upset but I don’t feel it myself. I used to wonder if I might be a sociopath but I am actually more altruistic than most people I know. I always put trash in the bin, I do things for charities, I don’t lie and I don’t kill things. If I found someone’s wallet I’d go out of my way to give it back, not just because it’s the right thing to do but because I don’t really want their money. I have a potted parsley plant and two guinea pigs. I love my parents and my close friends. If anything happened to them I would be very upset. Outside of that, I just can’t seem to work up any concern. I think it’s because I’m self-centered, but I tend to be apathetic about myself, even. Like I said, I think I’m a fairly happy person, but lately I’ve been wondering if this is healthy. In any case, it felt good to get this out. It would be cool if anyone knew what I was talking about.

2

I think I have a good idea what you’re talking about. I try to care about the larger issues, but it’s like pissing in the wind. There isn’t a single thing I can do about anything that’s been going on in the world since the beginning of history. I can’t do anything about corrupt politicians. I can’t feed the starving billions. I can’t come up with better government. I can’t stop pollution. I can’t stop people killing other people. I can’t do anything about the drug trade, or prostitution or spousal or child abuse. I can’t prevent anything that’s happening in the world from continuing to happen. It doesn’t matter whether I approve… the bad stuff has happened without my approval for centuries and will go on whether I want it to or not.

That’s why I don’t understand people who go on crusades about the bad stuff in the world. Like they can have an effect. Do they reach a certain age and realize that they too have been little more than pissing in the wind? I don’t know, and I don’t care. It’s not my position to effect any change, nor to try to convince someone, anyone, that they ought to stop doing what they’re doing.

There has been too much drama in the first 40 years of my life. I want the next 40 to be as calm as possible. I’m doing much better than I ever thought I would. I have a great wife, and I live in a nice house and I have a good job and some toys and a kitty that likes to sleep with me. I have a few friends, in fact one is bringing his daughter over today for dinner. But other people don’t affect me. I don’t care that they just had a baby, or that their father just died. It’s joyous or it’s sad, certainly, but I’ve had no emotional investment in any of these people or their families, ever. I have no reason to suddenly develop any. I can’t muster any compassion for anyone who causes their own problems.

I don’t care about who won the game. I don’t care about the entertainment industry anymore. I don’t care about a lot of things because they don’t affect me. I’m not a sociopath. I try to do the right thing. I try to make a place a little better than it was after I leave. I take my shopping cart to the corral or walk it back into the store. I recycle. I take the bus. I treat people the way I wish they would be able to treat me back, but a lot of the time it doesn’t happen. And about these people, I don’t care. In fact, comedian Kevin Meaney has a song in his act, to which the entire lyrics are: “I don’t care.” My wife and I sing that song often. Being near-invisible is OK for me. I don’t want to make any waves, and I don’t make trouble for myself or anyone else. I worked very hard to get where I am, even if I don’t officially own anything of value. I would like to hang onto it and live out the rest of my life as free from stress as possible. That’s not wrong.

3

You think so? Seems like everyone around me thinks you have to be emotional all the time or you’re not really living. Hell, I get emotional, just not over… well, I do feel I should have a little concern for some of those things on my list. I dunno, really

4

I don’t care either.

I’m not ambitious or especially motivted. I don’t care if I meet new people or go to new places. I have fun doing things but in the back of my mind is always the thought that I would rather be at home.

I care about most of my family and really miss those that have already gone but I don’t have friends that I deeply care about.

Most of the things I see others care about I see as useless.

Is it a curse of our modern society where life is relatively easy and we have too much time on our hands? Is it our isolation from the people in our community?

I don’t know. Sometimes I wish I could care more.

5

For you guys, is it a feeling of having power or of powerlessness?

To put it another way (if helpful): Does it make you feel powerful to not care?

I’m kind of th eopposite. I don’t think all the world’s problems can be cured, at least not quickly. But apathy seems to be what keeps the status quo going. I fully accept that there are people that don’t have the ambition I have, and I also accept that there are some megalomaniacal people that want the world in the palm of their hands. I, too, want to leave the world in a better place, something we all seem to have in common. I also take the cart back to the corral and help people find their lost things and try to right any wrongs I come across.

Problems exist out there that are pretty big. I’m not even talking about global hunger or things like that, though if you take care of little things, the bigger ones will invariably be worn down. If you can help stem hunger in your area, the ramifications could potentially be bigger.

What if you guys fell into a “pay it forward” type situation? If you were helped by a complete stranger, would you keep it going just because of peer pressure and doing Good?

Any more thoughts on how you feel concerning these things? I’m oddly intrigued by them.

6

Eh, like all things, it’ll pass. You don’t have to fight it and convince yourself you should be caring more when you really don’t. Eventually you will find something to care about all on your own. For now, just live it up. :slight_smile:

7

Sorry, your OP just reminded me of the novel The Stranger. Anyway, good luck with all of that.

8

About the larger issues, it’s more like powerlessness. There are a lot of shitty people out there, and they happen to be in charge of a lot of important things. They got to where they are because of their special brand of shitty ideals, mores and behaviors, and somebody equally shitty approved their ascent to power. They stay in power because there is nobody who can challenge them, or replace them with anyone better. If all the “big guys” in the world were inherently good and always strove to do the best at all times, no matter what, then we couldn’t complain. But look around you. Is there anyone in high office anywhere who cannot be shown to have had ulterior motives for getting where they are, be it personal greed, the lust for power, or the ability to screw people over and get away with it? Those are things that you and I personally cannot change a whit, despite how hard we may rail against it. Have protesters ever stopped a war? Got factories to quit spewing poison into the air? Dismantled the seal fur trade? Made companies replant forests to replace the millenia-old trees they razed? Of course not.

Where do I come in? I don’t. What could I possibly do or say to have any effect on any of those in charge? Nothing. They got to where they are without my involvement, and are totally unconcerned what I think. That isn’t just my opinion, it’s from personal experience. I’ve met our local politicians when they come out to stump on the radio programs. After listening to them, I wouldn’t vote for most of them to be lunch lady at the local school cafeteria. Who do we have that’s any better, smarter or more able to do great works of humanitarian kindness? Nobody.

My job exists at the whim of the person in charge there. It could go away tomorrow for any reason or no reason at all. It’s not just the company policy, it is a law in this state. They set it up that way so they could just do that to someone at will, and leave them no recourse.
The only power I have is over my own life. I just want my little piece of The American Dream, and I’ve got it, however precarious it may be. The rest of that stuff where I could not possibly have the slightest influence? Those guys can have it. They might as well, they already do.

9

Arguments you’ve put forward are similar to arguments people use for voting. They don’t do it because it’s just one measly vote in the pool of millions, even thousands for smaller elections. Every vote, by itself is insignificant, I think I’d argue. It’s when you get some like-minded people that empowerment happens. Maybe you guys would feel better with a group of like-minded people.

Of course, for our lovable RamenMonster, not having opinions yet doesn’t help. I’d chalk that partially to age. As you get older, things will impact you, just stay informed on things. Of course, that last part is hard to do sometimes because if you give a shit, you’re certainly not going to pursue it.

10

Why’d you work hard on something you didn’t care about?

11

So, what do you think when you hear about the various “rights” movements that have happened over the years (civil, womens’, gay etc.) and the way that the lives of people in those groups has changed over the years? Do you believe that protesters and boycotts and marches played a role in the changes that took place? This isn’t a challenge of your feelings or anything. I’m just interested in knowing how you look at things like this.

12

I’m glad the various rights movements have been able to make as much progress as they have. There are just some causes that you should never give up on. If there were no such movements, blacks would still be disallowed to go to white areas and homosexuals would still be persecuted without fear of reprisal. I think it’s a newer generation of people in power who have allowed these changes to happen, because they know it’s only right not to legally discriminate against a group because of their color or orientation. This has not always been the prevailing attitude, and it’s due to the sheer numbers of old, powerful racists and homophobes dying off that it has shifted. Their children and grandchildren have grown up in a time when those things are considered wrong. I think the protests and marches against this kind of discrimination helped immeasurably in gaining rights for blacks and gays. The hue and cry must have reached the offices of some folks who had the right idea and made the change happen. I can understand being angry about that kind of discrimination, and to protest to those in charge was necessary.

But where does throwing paint on a woman coming out of the opera wearing a fur coat get anybody? The woman didn’t slaughter the baby seals and stitch their hides together into a coat, and she wasn’t rubbing it in anyone’s face. It doesn’t stop the killing of baby seals. It doesn’t make people stop wanting to wear warm fur coats. It just pisses people off and causes damage - one, to the woman’s coat, and two, to the reputation of the people protesting the existence of fur coats. That’s the wrong way to go about it. Don’t ask me what the right way is, because I’m not a protester and I don’t have a dog in that fight. It just seems logical that more attention could be garnered further up the chain by doing something other than harrassing the end user.

13

I was going to say something snarky like “I started to read the OP, then realized I didn’t care enough to finish it. :D”
Instead, what I’ll say is that you are not especially alone in your views. A sizable percentage (no cites, just IMO) of the population feels disaffected and powerless, and while it enrages some and leads them to take drastic actions, I would guess that most simply cultivate a myopic apathy. This attitude is not unhealthy per se, it allows people to go about their lives in a more or less normal fashion. For if they really thought about all of the woes and cares of the world, they would either tilt endlessly at windmills or sink into blackest depression.

It is also this condition that leads toa concentration of power in the hands of a relatively small number. They have learned to exploit this apathy to their advantage. They can get away with it because the majority don’t care or do care, but don’t feel they can make a difference. When they start caring is when it affects them directly. When it is their loved ones dying, their jobs being eliminated or their children being threatened.

As long as the sheep have enough clover, they don’t mind being fleeced every so often. Comfortable, content people do not start revolutions.

14

Just because a million people can make a difference doesn’t mean one person can make a difference. 1 /= 1 000 000. I mean, it’s not like they make NO difference. It’s just that the difference is negligible. Social movements only take off when they attract large numbers of people, and when that happens the roles of individuals within those movements stop mattering. If everyone stopped pushing their movement, it would die, but you’re only in control of one person’s actions. If I were a suffragette in the 19th century I could decide I couldn’t be bothered marching one day and the movement would go on without me. But if everyone except me decided not to march I wouldn’t be able to march. I can’t stop the movement if it wants to go on, nor can I sustain it if it decides to die out. People only attribute this kind of importance to other people. Nobody tries to argue that EVERY neutron is important, say, just because one neutron starts the fission reaction.

Nothing better to do.

15

Well, every revolution or change comes about by the actions of either one or a stistical “one”, which would be a very small group. There are and can be some extraordinary things that happen to peoples’ lives, even when they’re not expecting them or believe it to be extraordinary. There was such a thread on the boards recently, I believe the title was “So I attended a KKK meeting…” In that thread, people talked about some of the things they’ve done and how non mainstream some are. Of course, it’s also possible that you might never want to even come close to similar things, but the point I’m trying to ramble around is to find a cause or a passion and do something about it. I’m not necessarily even talking about righting a wrong, simply joining/starting a group of people that have that same passion as you.

Take an honest internal list of what you like and dislike. Rank them in order from what you like most to what you like least. Poke around online to see what’s available or, even what isn’t.

You do have artistic ability. This I have seen in a previous thread. Do you enjoy art?

16

That OP sounds a lot like me, FlyingRamenMonster.

I have a very, very small number of people I care about. My husband. My cat. Some of my family. An online friend. A ‘real life’ friend. That’s about it, really.

I have quite a few social aquaintances who call me ‘friend’ but fact of the matter is I’m not emotionally invested in them. I enjoy their company, but if things went wrong in their life I wouldn’t honestly care, though I’d do what I could to help them, and offer an ear for their problems.

If I actually come to care for someone, I will always care about them even if I never see them again. Unless they betray me, or hurt me badly. In that case I’ll forgive readily, but they lose their place in my heart and there is nothing that can be done to put them back there. It’s something I’ve tried to overcome, without success. Once something’s broken, it’s broken, I guess. shrug

I have zero sympathy for most people and most causes, probably because although I can see the logical reasons why such-and-such is bad (or good) I also see the other sides of the situation. (At least I’m not a hypocrite though; when things go wrong for me that are ultimately my own fault, I don’t feel sorry for me either. :wink: )

Does this lack of empathy make me a bad person? I don’t think so - I’m generally considerate of other people’s time and feelings, I’m basically generous, I don’t fight or cause dramas - though these days I don’t play peacebringer either; I let people sort out their own stuff. I never deliberately hurt anyone’s feelings - and if I do so inadvertently, I’m genuinely apologetic. (Just because I don’t empathise with people doesn’t mean I want to hurt them - that’d be like kicking an animal or something. I generically want other people to be happy; I just don’t want them involving me in their pursuit of happiness.)

I undertake my work to the best of my ability and try to provide results that benefit my boss and my company. Not because I care about the company but because it gives me satisfaction to know that what I have done, I have done well. I’m unfailingly helpful to my co-workers and will show them how to do anything they’re interested in, because I’ve got absolutely no ambition to be ‘indispensable’ in my job. I make a good mentor, because I’m generally patient and willing to explore different approaches to get the information across in a way that suits the learner. Because I recognise that ultimately nothing is Really All That Important, I don’t snap at people just because I’m busy, or tell them that I can’t help them when I really could (which makes me a better co-worker than many at my company, I can tell you).

So, on the whole, I don’t think being generally disassociatiated and non-empathetic is necessarily a bad thing, FlyingRamenMonster. There’s upsides and downsides. I don’t know about ‘healthy’, but I can’t believe it’s less healthy than the opposite extreme where people put all their energy into caring about people, causes, or things. Surely it’s got to be better than that? :slight_smile:

Side note: I had problems a couple of years back with severe depression, and at one stage saw a psychiatrist. Her statement to me was that my problem, basically, was that I didn’t believe in anything.

Since then, I’ve realised she was wrong. I did believe in something; I believed, sincerely, in Justice on a cosmic or perhaps karmic level. Since realising that this doesn’t exist, I’ve actually been much more content. Somehow, knowing there is no justice in life - or death - has actually stopped me from getting so overwhelmed by life. It is what it is; accept and move on. (Or: If you can fix it, fix it, and if you can’t, stop worrying. Worry is a negative investment earning compound interest.)

  • BWP
17

No offense, and I hope you don’t take this as needless personal bashing or anything-- this is just my mundane pointless observation I must share-- but the traits you and some others describe are pretty much what immediately turns me off in a person (potential friend etc.) if I detect them. It means I can be fairly assured that I’m going to be bored if the conversation extends more than about five minutes. In fact, I’m much more likely to pursue spending time with someone who cares about things diametrically opposed to what I care about than with someone who doesn’t care about “anything” (which is obviously a bit of a misnomer, but we all know what we’re talking about here).

18

So what? It’s not like I care.

19

I was doing just fine until Jimmy cracked that corn.

20

“Well you can tell ev’ryone I’m a damned disgrace
Drag my name all over the place.
I don’t care anymore.
You can tell ev’rybody 'bout the state I’m in
You won’t catch me crying 'cos I just can’t win.
I don’t care anymore…”

  • Phil Collins.