I don't think I want my brother in my life anymore.

[FloatyGimpy]

@Wesley_Clark

I’m in the same boat. My brother and his wife are cruel people who I don’t want in my life, but I love their kids. However they know I love the kids and use that as a weapon to hurt and control me.

When the kids grow up, is reconnection possible? I’m glad OP updated and said he is connected to his nephews. I worry the kids will believe the brainwashing and alienation tactics their parents are using.

I’ve never been anything but kind and supportive to those kids. I hope they remember that when they are older.

The younger one is still under the control of his parents. The 19 year old is almost a stranger to me but at least this is a beginning. We have very little in common and conversations are pretty awkward but, like I said, it’s a start.

As I am the black-sheep of the family, he’s heard mostly negative things about me. I can only hope that, as time progresses, he’ll see me for who I am.

[Wesley_Clark]

@FloatyGimpy

The younger one is still under the control of his parents. The 19 year old is almost a stranger to me but at least this is a beginning. We have very little in common and conversations are pretty awkward but, like I said, it’s a start.

As I am the black-sheep of the family, he’s heard mostly negative things about me. I can only hope that, as time progresses, he’ll see me for who I am.

I’m in the same boat. The parents are brainwashing the children into thinking I’m a loser and the parents view me as the family scapegoat/punching bag.

I have a deep fear the kids will grow up and either act like their parents, or marry someone like their parents.

Have you read anything good (books, websites, etc) on how to reconnect after a child has been brainwashed into not respecting you?

Did his parents keep him from his grandparents his whole life? You mention how he just met his grandpa for the first time.

[Dr.Drake]

Most of my family ended up believing the brainwashing, or just not caring because after all those years, there was no point: they either drank the koolaid or wanted no part of the family, anyway. These are cousins, though, not nieces / nephews, and there’s a lot of geographical distance, as well.

[Wesley_Clark]

For me my nieces were a big part of my life and like my surrogate kids until they were about 12 years old (I spent thousands of hours with them over that time period), when their parents got mad over a family fight they had with another (wealthy) family member. To salvage their relationship with the wealthy family member, they decided to blame me for the wealthy family member not liking them, and they used their kids as leverage to try to force me to take the blame. In their mind it would make the wealthy family member like them again, in reality all it did was fill him with disgust at how underhanded it all was.

So the kids are getting older, and I hope those first 12 years of me being a positive influence in their lives isn’t lost on them. I’d like to have a relationship with them when they are adults but there is no telling. I think they may just forget about me and by the time they are out from under their parents thumbs, I will just be another stranger to them. It hurts.