Seriously. I do. Last night the apocalypse came in the form of a bright yellow light in the sky. As it came closer, I could see that it was the shape of a bullet. A few minutes later it hit the earth maybe thirty miles from where I was standing, and the earth shook. I knew that the yellow bullet carried plague and disease and that we all would be gone soon.
Another time, the earth split in half like an egg. I was sitting at an outside concert, stargazing, and watched the stars move together in a line. After that, there was much yelling and screaming, fire and noise.
I’ve also had the experience of shopping in Kroger with other fugitives, watching the lights blink and shiver as the bombs came down all around outside. Everyone inside was grimly cheerful. We even paid before we took our soup cans and powdered milk outside.
Sometimes I even survive the apocalypse. In that case, I am usually a member of the resistance. I have overthrown rogue governments in my dreams. Once I piloted a blimp through the enemy encampment and set the whole thing on fire. Another time, I was an assassin, bent to kill the Evil Overlord. Once I captured his daughter and forced him to capitulate to some of my requests.
A dream apocalypse is supposed to signify annihilation of personality, an inward change, and a dismantling of fixed ideas. I would give this more credence if I hadn’t been dreaming about the world ending for more than ten years.
I think I am the new prophet. Who wants to follow my teachings?
My teaching have less to do with alcohol than they do with how to overthrow the Access of Evil. Well, they do have a little to do with alcohol, but mostly how to apply it to wounds before stitching them up in order to control infection.
Also I have quite a few ideas about hiding from the Invading Army. And I know how to pilot a blimp
Perhaps they aren’t dreams.
Perhaps you are re-living the experiences of other versions of yourself, in alternate realities.
Perhaps your waking hours are the unreal part, and you are a real Rebel Leader, trapped in the Evil Empire’s Virtual Reality Brainwashing Device, and all of your mundane daily tasks are illusions created to sap your will & convert you into a Worker Drone, who will then be sent to Wastewater Management in Sector 12, there to labor in misery under horrific conditions until you die.
There is a secret technique to learn the truth.
It involves aluminum foil.
Send me 53 Million Slobbovian Rubles in cash–in cash–and All Shall Be Revealed!
Bosda, I really like that idea. In fact, it sounds familiar. Like I watched a movie about it or something (more of a documentary, really). What was it called? The…Medium? The…Template? Hmmm.
Chimpy, Access really is that bad.
My First Edict: Everyone should own a lot of ammo. I mean a lot. And I mean everybody.
I’ve had one, count 'em, one apocalyptic dream in my life. I had it when I was 23 years old. I’m now 58 (damn! 58?) I remember it as if it were last night.
I was here, in the PNW, standing outside on a hillside, facing south.
In the dream, I know my husband and son are on their way to meet me. They are coming from California.
The sky suddenly blooms red and yellow in an ever expanding ball of light and fire, directly south.
Then I’m blind, burning, waiting to die. I know everyone I love is already dead.
Then I woke up. Me and my family safely sleeping in Kansas City.
Buurrrraaahh
