Greetings from the sunny Middle East. This’s been my first shot at getting on the 'net since right before Turkey day, so this might get a bit long.
First, fuck this barren goddamn wasteland. Its cold. Its RAINING. I thought this was supposed to be a 100,000,000 acre beach, sans surf? Hell, the weather is nearly identical to how it is right now in South Carolina. I’m glad I followed my chief’s instructions to pack my winter bag. But, as whiny as it sounds, the worst part is the sand. (No shit Fush, you’re a bright one, aint’cha?!) It gets in your boots. It gets in your briefs. It gets in your rifle (yes, my gay assed rifle. Like it didn’t need a reason to be more gay.) 
Naw, actually, its right nice over here. The locals are being friendly, they like dollars, and the quisine is excellent. I like it…except for part two of my weekly barbeque…
Second, I pit the fucking United States Army. Thank you for diverting my AIR FORCE ass into your ad hoc MP battalion. I’ll be honest, when the 1st Armored and 4th Infantry drove to Bagdhad, they fucking bypassed this town. Not because it would be too hard to crack, but because it has NO MILITARY VALUE. There are no resources, no heavy urban center, nothing really. Its like a small town in Iowa (if Iowa were in Iraq.) About 5,000 people (not counting my troops.) Only thing is, since the beginning of terror attacks on US forces traveling from Bagdad to Al Basrah and back, we’ve been posted out here to defend any wayward travelers. I feel like a goddamned cavalry sergeant in Indian country (no offense to any real indians out there, native or otherwise.) I still don’t know WHY I’m out here, only that I’m commanding a platoon of MP’s, Air Force SP’s, and one (1) Navy (NAVY!?) SP. This fucking company is commanded by a butterbar lieutenant from the Army’s Signal Corps. At least his deputy is a Sergeant Major (and an MP!) Hopefully, though, as the Army pulls its head out of its ass, I’ll find myself in the company of gentlemen in Air Force blue. But, on the bright side, if I do my job well this month, I should be up for a Joint Service Commendation Medal. Yay!
Third, and finally, I pit Senator John “Comrade Ivan” Kerry. (Please remember, I’ve got a special type of hate for service pretenders and that includes those who use their service for personal gain by manipulating it. I fucking hate Boeing too.) You see, before I left, I was treated to the sight of Kerry standing alongside his buddies and crew from the brown water Navy he served in during Vietnam. Yes, I am a hero!, the news blurb seemed to say. He’s proud that he served in Vietnam. Enriched by the experience, I believe he said. But then why the FUCK did this lying sonofabitch aid the Vietnam Veterans Against War (an organization praised by the government of North Vietnam as a ‘fellow traveler in truth’ and 'a righteouos cause against the warmongering Americans.")? Better yet, why is it now that this sonofabitch is so proud of his Vietnam service, when in April of 1971, he was one of the primary organizers of the Dewey Canyon III rally outside of the capitol building, and had flung his medals away in disgust? Oh, and please note, if you were to look at most photos of him at his desk in the Capitol Building, he’s got his Silver Star, BSM, and Purple Hearts mounted in this pretty walnut-on-blue felt board behind him. Yep. What’s it that the Christians say? Be ye cold or hot, but the lukewarm I will spit out? Fucking pussy assed, no integrity, pantywaste of a human being. I won’t say who I’ll vote for (I still like Clark. He was a helluva commander, even to those way the hell down the chain of command to him) but if the Democrats put Kerry up, I think I might just have to go with Nader.
Anyway, that’s my sphiel. If you’ve been offended, I apologize. Its all the sand.