…because last Thursday, March 29, yours truly PASSED the United States Department of State Oral Examination.
I get diplomatic immunity. So does my wife.
I get to travel to a new country every two years.
I get…lessee here…fifty-one days a year paid vacation.
I get to visit Americans in prison when your daughters and sons get in trouble on study abroads.
All in all, I’m stoked as shit to be serving my country and to be doing something I worked like hell through four years of college to achieve.
The bad side? I’m a rabid champagne socialist and I’ll be serving Bush Lite as a master. On the plus side, Powell is my new boss.
Any Dopers out there ever work for State? Have any country recommendations? Want free lodging in the US Embassy when abroad?
("No, Secretary Powell, we don’t know how the diplomatic pouch got lost en route to Consul Long’s new post, however there is evidence that a certain Mr. Coldfire requested illegal modifications to a Ducati racing bike…and the entire stock of Kinder Eggs that Germany produced seems to be being diverted to the US. Shall I send in the fleet?)
So, I assume you are not in the Bureau of Diplomatic Security? I looked into that when getting out of the Marines. But a true State-y? Diplomatic and shit? Cool! As for countries, maybe request a semi hardship first (Turkey, South America, Korea), they seem to be rewarded with the primo spots (London, Paris, Singapore, Rome) on subsequent tours. But you have enough folks around there to give you pointers. Keep us posted, I do international travel for a paycheck, and I try to swing by the MSG guys when I get the chance.
Actually Dan, I think there are a lot of us who know the musician who came up with Werewolves of london, Poor, poor, pitiful me, Excitable boy, Play it all night long and too many others to mention.
Check him out via your favorite online music source… Amazon’s got some samples, try it, you might like it
What’s got me curious is which Warren Zevon song False_God finds his life to be like now. Or was the paraphrase from Werewolves of London my answer to that question?
“He’s got diplo-matic immunity/
He’s got a lethal weapon that nobody sees…”
UncleBill, I’m going to be straight State, consular cone, and I’m definitely going to be picking a hardship for my first. Probably Honduras, Benin, or somewhere that requires language training (free education on Uncle Sugar’s tab).
The thing about it is that the hardship posts can be better than they seem, what with hazard pay and cost of living allowance. I’m going to be issuing passports if you lose them worldwide, passing out Social Security to expats, and making sure all you Americans living abroad get your absentee ballots in on time. Wouldn’t want them to go missing and have an idiot electe…whoops.
Anyhoo, this will be the start of something big.I’ll keep everyone posted on where I go, and then the REAL fun will start. Fourth of July dopefests at the embassy, baby!
Benin’s cool; I have a friend that spent a year there and he fell in love with the people and the land. I’d hook you up with him, but alas, I’ve lost touch.
Let me tell you, my eyes about bugged out when I saw that.
I almost decided to send Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner off to see you, but then I decided that Boom Boom Mancini would do a better job. Of course, this was between courses of thinking about Poor Poor Pitiful me. But it’s no matter, because I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead.
Oh, and False_God? I love Honduras-it is an absolutely beautiful country. Tegucigalpa has fantastic mountans aroud it, as does San Pedro Sula. But, if you end up in Tegucigalpa-try to fly in on a smaller plane, a puddle jumper from Guatemala City or San Salvador. Being on a larger plane and landing(or taking off) from that airport is no fun.
False_God, I’m probably the only other person who has that album let alone has heard of it.
I read a news blurb that he wrote the song for George Schultz. When a reporter asked what he thought about the song it was along the lines of “Warren who?”
Padeye you’re not so lonely as you think. Zevon fan here. Seen him four times (not much, but great shows in small places each time). And (as UncleBill exposes his geographic ignorance) I’ve been on most continents, many countries, but where the HELL is Benin?
If Honduras, pay the guy dressed in dazzling rhinestones carrying the machete to “guard” your car while you dine. It’s a great country!
Just remember – as a good pinko, you’re supposed to ‘forget’ to give the military people their ballots in three and a half years.
I hope the song you’re thinking of wasn’t “Back In The High Life”. Warren [hijack]hijacked[/hijack] it on his latest album. Beautifully done. . . . Of course. . . .
Thank god somebody mentioned The Envoy. I was getting worried there.
I still have “Stand in the Fire” his live album, back when vinyl was bleeding-edge tech. Warren was a madman and my choice for first piano and songwriter on the Take No Prisoners rock ‘n’ roll all-stars, fronting for Keith Moon and (sound of a thread being snipped).
Ho ho! I have “The Envoy”, “Stand in the Fire” and his self-titled 1970 album (not to be confused with the 1976 self-titled album that actually sold, all on vinyl and cassette! And I have “Follow Me” by lyme and cybelle on cassette, before it turned up in a CD collection, and I don’t need to be told that cybelle was/is Tule Livingston, his first wife and mother of his son. And I almost chewed my foot off last night when I found out that he’d been on Letterman on Monday. Grr!
HAH!. I have 2 copiues of Sentimental Hygiene on vinyl, not to mention CD’s and tapes. I even have the lousy Cyberpunk album. (Tranverse City)
False_God You make me proud to be an American.
Just remeber: She only sleeps on planes, and if you’re ever in LA, stop by the Pioneer Chicken Stand and hurry home early, 'cause Mr. Bad example keeps thinking of things to do in denver when your dead, even though johnny strikes up the band.
Skip Mombasa: meet me at the Hollywood Hawaiian Hotel and we’ll make mad love, shadow love, random love and abandoned love, then we’ll go down to Transverse City with our backs turned looking down the path.
Okay, if anyone out there to join me in becoming a member of the diplomatic corps (also frequently referred to as the “dip corpse”-pun intended), the tests are free and administered once or twice a year.
Here’s the skinny on the written:
Mind you , the written is only the first step. I thought it was fairly easy, but then I passed both on the first try, so there you go. The Oral assessment takes approximately eleven hours to complete, and is comprised of a practical demonstration of skills (you’re herded into a room with four other people and given briefing books on a fictional country. There’s a letter from the Ambassador telling you what he wants. You then have to give a presentation to the other members as to why your project should be funded, what’s good, what’s bad, and how it would help. Then the fun starts. The examiners tell you there’s not enough money to fund them all , blah blah blah, and you have to decide. Then you go into a two-on one grilling that lasts about an hour, then you write a memo on what you did in group and why.
It’s actually pretty simple-then you just have to pass a medical and security clearance and get trained in Arlington, Va for up to 7 months on the govt’s tab. Then you bid for assignments worldwide.
Keep in mind, however, that I graduated from an international studies program at a private university here in DC, speak seven languages, have traveled a lot and interned at State before. Hey, the tests are free, so why the hell not? Go for it. We need more Dopers in power.
Anyone can take it, provided they’re not over a certain age (I think it’s 50, but I don’t recall). We had everyone from a retiring Army major to an undergrad at GW to a former Peace Corps volunteer taking the test (all of whom didn’t pass, BTW).
(Nuclear arms in the Middle East/ Israel’s attacking the Iraquis…looks like another threat to world peace…send the ENVOY!!)
Beautifully done. . . . Of course. . . .