If you don’t have any obligations beyond your own retirement, I say blow it on something you probably won’t have the youth to enjoy later (specifically, travel and adventure). You may regret it in five years but you won’t in twenty.
+1. I don’t get it, either. You like your job, you like working, you’re making enough money to put some away - what’s the problem? Asshole friends who want to keep you down with them?
Am I mistaking you for someone else, or was it you who was planning to go back to school again? You definitely don’t have too much money for that plan. 
Biggie said it best when he wrote ‘mo money mo problems’. With that kind of cash flow bitches be all about the bling. They probably be wanting you to buy them the name brand toasters at walmart.
‘oooooo, get the black and decker model, not rival brand’.
This is a good post. I know for me I fear the fact that I may be much older before I figure out what I really want because I know it isn’t the trappings of a middle class life. I have that and it is not what I was wanting.
Thanks all. I am a hermit these days taking classes and working…it helps to have reminders of why I am doing what I am doing from other like minded people.
If you value what other people think more than what kind of person you believe you should be, then take a poll and do what you think the people who you think are most important want you to do, and be happy that you’re pleasing them.
If you value the kind of person you believe you should be more than what your friends and your ex and the people on this message board think, and you think you should be the kind of person who saves a little money when possible, then you don’t have a problem, so be happy that you are who you want to be.
If you value " " " ", and you think you should be the kind of person who follows his heart and takes some risks while he’s young, take some risks and be happy that you are who want to be.
This is glib, and it masks what can be an incredibly difficult process to internalize and start acting on, but I swear to god it really is that simple. Just like fucking choose and it’s done and nobody can stop it. Other people do this all the time (not all; probably most?). Some of them have been doing it their entire lives and have never considered another possibility. They won’t bat an eye when you do it.
Do they “not make much money” or are they perpetually broke because they are living some sort of hipster fantasy of marginal employment, dabbling in the “arts” and crashing on coaches of the only friend who hasn’t been evicted yet? There is a fine line between “pursuing your dreams” and “pursuing your dream of doing nothing”.
You sound like you have your shit on straight (or at least are in the process of straightening it). If your friends feel like you are “selling out to the man” with your “lucrative” teaching gig, it might be time to find other friends.
Certain things like “having a job” aren’t “middle class landmarks”. They are requirements for being a functional member of society. The OP is young, but not that young. He’s at an age where “I’m just doing this until I figure out what I want to do” is rapidly becoming “this is what I do”.
Ironically…not the bitch he was dating.
I have a lot of friends like that, and I’m a saver with a fairly high net worth. What makes my friends really different is two things
- We are fifteen years older
- They don’t resent me
Two makes it possible for us to be friends.
But #1 adds an interesting dimension. They are looking at not having enough Social Security credits to get anything but marginal social security at retirement - which starts to be a concern when you are in your mid 40s. They can’t afford to retire. Health concerns are starting to hit and they don’t have insurance. (Nothing like being a diabetic without insurance) They are still scrambling for cheap rent. Some of them are starting families because it turns out that they wanted kid, they just hadn’t gotten around to it yet - so broke and 45 is as good a time as any to start a family.
Those that are truly dedicated to their art are happy, but more than a few wonder what the fuck they’ve been doing with their lives that they are going on 50 with nothing to show for it and wondering how in the hell they are supposed to support themselves in their old age.
If you want to pack it all up and be a musician (writer/artist) the way my most successful and comfortable friends have done so is to marry someone with a real job to support you in your old age via his or her 401k/pension/social security.
I think you’re just coming up with your weekly excuse to let that whole situation get to you. Stop re-hashing.
Dude, you’re going through enough lately.
You don’t deserve this guilt.
I’ll bite the bullet and take the cash off of your hands for you. I’m a giver like that!
Fuckin’ enjoy it, man … but if I were you, I wouldn’t breathe easy or anything. 18k ain’t *shit *in the grand scheme of things – one good car accident with one good injury and yeah, you may have health insurance, but several months out of work will put a hell of a dent in that 18k REAL quick.
Splurge a little and feel good about it … then keep saving.
It’s possible to hold a job, while not, you know, holding a particular job.
I taught for years, and I loved every minute of it. What I couldn’t stomach was the thought that one year, I go in and teach. The next year, I get a new batch of kids, and I teach them. And the year after that, I teach. And this happens approximately forty times, at which point I retire. Teaching is a great gig, but I couldn’t help but feeling like I’d be stuck in Groundhog’s Day for the rest of my career.
Anyway, I leveraged teaching to get a whole bunch of other experience I wanted, made some moves, took some risks, and ended up in a great job at an education organization doing policy type work. It’s a much better fit for me, has a MUCH better career ladder to climb, and offers me the international travel that I value so much.
You of all people should realize that if you’re smart, ambitious, unburdened and you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, you probably don’t have to cling to your first middle class job for dear life. I mean, if your first middle class job is fulfilling you, keep on with it. But if you have the aching “what if’s”, and your alternate plan isn’t that crazy (and Quasi clearly isn’t a crazy plan type), sometimes it makes a lot of sense to follow that.
Hey Everyone,
First to ZipperJJ: I deserved that. I shouldn’t have brought that into this thread (even though her comments have had some staying power).
Even Sven: Would you be up for some personal messaging on the issue so I don’t clog up the boards with more of my personal issues? You seem to understand where I’m at I think more intuitively. I especially can relate to the “Groundhog Day” vibe. I like teaching, but I feel the need to mix things up often. I’d be curious to hear about the course of your career.
To all: Listen everyone, if I really wanted to go pursue my dreams, I’d be go be a broke Jazz musician like many of my friends. I’m trying to find a more sustainable route. I have had ups and downs with teaching, though lately I’ve had more ups. As it stands right now, I need to finish my contract with my school division so it doesn’t put a red flag on my career. I do want to leave the job this year and as of this moment that is what I intend to do. I can’t predict the future though so I can only say looking for employment in a city is in the forecast. I will be applying at school divisions, but I’m looking for my plan B. I know I have had lots of wishy washy aspirations. Please accept that it’s all part of a process. When you have all the options in the world, the choices can be overwhelming, and I have been narrowing it down. You guys are a part of this process (of which I dearly thank you for). I know no one can give me the answers, but feedback helps me sort out my options, even brutally honest feedback (which is sometimes the best kind. I can take a lot brutal honesty, in fact I value it). I am very happy to be out of debt, but the point of this thread was more about how I feel socially about it. One of my best friends is quite poor, and another recently made good friend can barely afford rent. I know part of them resents that I have money and I feel it can affect my relationships. I also know people who have pursued money and career ambitions only to have their lives tank because of burnout and relationship problems. Just wanted some perspective on the situation.
Also, this process isn’t a whole lot of fun for me. I’m aware I sound like a 23 year old wishy washy guy at times. I don’t know how else to sort out my direction other than to talk to people and try things. Starting three years ago I used to have a grand dream of getting an engineering degree…now I think I’ll be happy if I can still be a teacher (albeit in a CITY not in the rural areas), and I think building skills in math and computers will help me out as well (if not to work in the computer field, at least to teach it). I love music, but want to explore it as a side career, not the main one. I want to be able to support myself in the long run…and that means a real job. If I don’t find a job next year in a city, perhaps I’ll do part time school and part time music lessons…until I find a job. I can either stick here with my parents to save money, or try a new city out in Canada (I’ve ruled out international teaching for the foreseeable future).
Are you still living with your parents?
If so, could this be making you feel weird about your finances?
Ever considered possibly going to school and pursuing Jazz seriously? I’m pretty sure that you can major in music and get a PhD in it, and study jazz the entire time.
Then, with some luck, you might even get to be a professor of music, or at least a lecturer or something along those lines, and get to both have some $$$ and be immersed in music as well.
I’m just a little younger than you. Don’t feel bad at all about having some extra cash. Being frugal and thrifty are good qualities. The average person our age is in debt or living paycheck to paycheck. Do you think anyone would actually prefer that to your situation? You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Yes many times. I can study jazz as much as I want with private teachers. Most people I know with PhDs in music are under or unemployed. Jazz for me is a love, but works better as an aside to a main job. I would rather this thread stay on the original topic of finances. The Advice has been great.
Oh I agree. My point was simply you don’t want to spend forever working jobs you hate hoping what you really want to do works out, or treating each job as a stepping stone to what you really want to do eventually. At some point, what you are doing is what you “do”.
I know some people who have actually made a succesful career out of music, the arts or Broadway. Others, like you say, have the luxury of a professional spouse or trust fund so they can indulge their “hobby”. The ones who are succesfull approach it with just as much dedication and discipline as any of my MBA friends. In many cases, more so. I can be a half-assed corporate middle manager and still make six figures. It’s tough to be a succesfull half-assed musician.
Feel free to PM me if you would like. I know I sound a bit like the voice of chaos here, but I do think there are ways to mix it up a bit without immediately becoming a useless bum.
Not only that, but these days assuming that there will be a job like your first job in 30 years is often irresponsible. Getting experience and growing into other areas is very responsible. But you didn’t shuck teaching until you got that next job, did you?
In the arts especially it is easy to fool yourself that you can make a career out of it. If someone is getting jobs part time, or selling paintings, or whatever, then it might make sense to make the leap.
You’re not responsible for your friends’ financial situations (good or bad). You are only responsible for your own.
Words which in my experience are generally said by people who themselves have never lacked money.
Yes, there is more to life than money - but having some money makes the rest of life that much less stressful and more enjoyable. Don’t feel guilty about being financially responsible!
Sven’s also right, though: there’s more than one thing you can do with your life that will allow you to earn the needed money. A change in your career direction might be just what you need. But don’t feel pressured into making one just because of your friends. How would becoming impoverished again help them out in any way?